"Look! He Walks Again...!"

Sarala says...

"Look! He walks again...!"

Now...I guess I should provide a little back-story.

We were in the parking lot of an Old Navy.

As it were...I was rockin' my standard flip-flips, which are always a necessity to those of you that know me.

I had just gotten Sarala out of the car...took one step...

and...

the stupid flip-flop broke...

and...

the total weight of me went into my big toe, which then went straight into the asphalt.

Now, I would've included a photo but the graphic content may be a little much.

As a result,

a layer of the front of my toe was essentially scraped back, or actually to the side...

and the impending weight resulted, in...I hope...a jammed toe.

It looks pretty rough though.


To come back to Sarala's comment...Crystal and Sarala went inside to purchase me some new flip-flops while I tended to my toe with the first-aid kit..

As I slip on the new flip-flops and take a step...

Sarala, dramatically says...

"Look! He walks again...!"

I love the intensity...the concern...but ultimately...

her outlook on things.

It helped return me to Earth...reality...

that my toe is just a toe...

and yes...

I can still walk.

So...

Alright.

It's time to get back to the blog.

I've spent a lot of time lately thinking about the blog...

not wanting to check it because I know I've been neglecting it.

But...

it's time.


It has been a month since my last post.

Here's a quick look at what I was up to during my absence from the blog:

• The last month has seen the end of another school year.
• I spent 7 days teaching summer school.
• Held some open gym time for the b-ball time...in preparation for a shoot-out.
• Took the team to Potosi to play in a shoot-out, where we actually ended up winning all of our games.
  
• Spent a lot of time learning lyrics/songs for a benefit for a friend of ours
• The Hope Endeavor rocked it out at Bobby Powell's and, thanks be to God, raised some funds for our friend.

Fast-forward a couple days....

Now I'm sitting on the couch, watching Chopped as I type, and

respite.

So...as I continue to watch TV and relax...I leave you with some photos from the Night of Hope: Benefit for Ray Jones with musical guests The Hope Endeavor.

Here we are in the green room with Ray (standing to my left)

Something I found in the hallway...

Pilfer.

If you're ever worried about pilfering...

there's something for that.

What's Up With Ray?

So...there is this new blog I follow...

found at

What's Up With Ray?

Ray is a friend of mine who is facing some major health problems.



Here he is playing drums for me last Spring for an anniversary party we threw for my in-laws. We rocked it out playing some Beatles songs.

He was only able, physically, to play music with me one more time...about a month after this photo was taken.

His health problems include a bleeding disorder and liver disease.

As a result, he is in need of a liver transplant. Only this past Thursday was he officially put on the active list...which means it's close.

He's only 25 years old, with a family of his own.

His son is a little younger than Sarala at 2 and a 1/2.

I am blown away by how Ray has dealt with the circumstances surrounding the health challenges he faces each day.

I ask that you join me in praying for Ray...

for his family.

Again, you can follow along with Ray at the address above.

Some Things I Like...

TV Show
Community



Product
Pilfer-Proof Tape



Book
Pudd'nhead Wilson


Music
Andrew Osenga



Alright y'all...

summer is nigh.

Andy O House Show...

Well...the Buckman's are hosting an Evening of Stories and Songs with Andrew Osenga at 7pm on Tuesday, April 20th. This will be a house show in Arcadia, MO. We have reached our limit on seating, but if you are interested in being placed on a waiting list in case someone cancels, we ask that you comment, leave an e-mail address, and we will let you know if space opens up.

Where I've been...

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
John 10:10

This is where I've been lately.

I'll explain.

It has been awhile since my last blog post.


I have been unfocused...

wrestling with doubt...

anger...

apathy....


Things from my past...

letting myself get overwhelmed...

and letting the time I spent with God get replaced with other things...

convenience...

work...

even playing guitar....


The part about playing the guitar has been especially tough to acknowledge...

especially since a lot of my guitar playing has happened in response to God through worship.

What happened?


Slowly...

subtly...

the joy...

hope...

dreams...

and relationship I had with God were ebbing away.


I found myself letting my everyday become mundane...

letting the amazing things that God has done through Sarala become distant memories...

and I didn't talk to God anymore.


Which brings me to the second part of John 10:10.

I was reminded lately that God is a God of restoration...

hope...

peace...

and grace.


I had to remember to just be.

I was too busy doing.

The things I was doing were good things...

but even good things can get in the way of seeking God.


I had to remember the things I once knew:

to be a child of the Father...

to be a husband to Crystal...

to be a father to Sarala...

and...

to just be.


So...

this is where I've been.

It seems like I had to refocus...

and as a result...

everything else has begun to fall back into place.


Trust in the truth of the passage above....

The words of Jesus....

Circles...!

Sarala is finally drawing circles!

This last week or so has been killing me.

Cerebral Palsy.

It's something that I haven't really thought about in awhile.

Two things have really forced it back into the forefront of my mind...one of those things being...

Circles.


Sarala is finally able to draw circles.

This is a major celebration in the Buckman family.

She's had a delay in her fine motor...which has resulted in her not doing things like drawing...coloring...age-appropriately.

You don't see it until there's something to reference it to...

like other children.


It's not something I consciously do...

but it's something that I don't want Sarala to have to deal with later on...

once she enters school...

which will be real tough on me since she'll be in my building.


Okay...back to the present.

The amazing thing about this picture...

it was delivered by Sarala's occupational therapist while I was in my classroom...

lost in my thoughts.


I say lost because it seems that I've been struggling with letting discouraging words gain ground...the tendency to overwhelm myself grows...

and then...

I hear a "Mr. Buckman?"


I look up...

see the picture...

and see something amazing...

beauty.


It's a picture of me...

Sarala's daddy.


I find beauty...peace in this picture.

God has done some amazing things in and through Sarala...

He's not finished yet.

He's got her handled.

Why am I letting myself bear the burden of worry...

when He's already done so much....

And I know He's not finished.


I noticed that I even have the spiky hair...

or as Sarala calls it...

tall hair.


I love it...

just another amazing reminder of God's grace...

mercy...

love....



And yes...the poster below hangs just inside the entryway at her preschool.



Every time she sees it, she says

"Look...Sarala and Daddy!"

Again...it must be the tall hair.


Look for what God's doing all around you...

you'll find glimpses in places where you least expect it.

A Challenge...to myself

...we beg you, please don’t squander one bit of this marvelous life God has given us. 2 Corinthians 6:1

If someone were to read a chapter from a book about your life...

would it be worth reading?

Would it be enough to keep them reading?

To see what happens next?


I've been thinking about my own life in terms of this question.

Thanks to Donald Miller's A Million Miles In A Thousand Years (pick it up if you're looking for a great read) and the word's of Paul...

I've been looking at my life through a different lens.

Some words of Paul:

So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.
Romans 12:1-2

Am I doing everything that I need to be doing?

Now...

notice how I didn't ask "Am I doing everything I could be doing?"

because...

I think we've really got to be careful about that one.


We can't do everything.

We shouldn't do everything.

A lot of people get sucked into doing a ton of good things...

but...

that's it...

there's no time to do anything great.


Right now...as I type...I'm wrestling with some things that I feel I need to do.

I've got some things going...

in early stages...

that could be amazing for the community in which I live.

The scary thing is...

they're BIG things.

Great things.

And this is where I'm struggling.

Fighting off discouragement...

the tendency to overwhelm myself....


So...I leave you...and myself with this:

It is time....

Go for it.

Trust.

Risk.

Don't squander this amazing life you've been given.

Use your everyday life...and place it before God as an offering.

Man...look at all those verbs! ;)

Now...to get some rest.

Stop thinking about it...

Do you ever dream about doing something amazing...?

It's one thing to dream...

but another to act upon that dream.


I think about how often I get fired up about something...

and then...

nothing.

Why?

Fear?

Apathy?

Logic?


It could be one or a combination of all three...plus a whole lot more.


I overthink things.

I then let the what-ifs and unknowns in.

Then...the dream is extinguished.


This is where I currently find myself.

Ready to move from the dream to action.

Action...

doing...

going for it.


It's scary.

The unknowns.

The what-ifs.


So...

The plan is to NOT overthink things.

The plan is to NOT let the what-ifs and unknowns gain any ground.


I've been thinking about this a lot lately...

as I prepare to embark upon a journey that is a result of turning a dream into action.


I also just watched the movie UP again with the small child...

and figure...

if Carl Fredrickson can live an amazingly full life (all portrayed within the few opening minutes, without dialogue)...

and then take it to the next level by flying his house to Paradise Falls...

why can't I?

So...

I'm going to leave myself with this:

Live full lives, full in the fullness of God. God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams!
Ephesians 3:19-20

That Colbert....

Glenn Beck Attacks Social Justice - James Martin

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Health Care reform

One of "those" books...

What was the last book you read?

Thinking back to the last couple books you've read...

are there any that have rocked your world...

changed your perspective?


Every now and then I have a book do that...

a term I hear people use to describe such an experience is

wreck.

"Man...that book really wrecked me."

Wrecked...a good thing.


I think back to the last book that wrecked my perspective...

and then to the things that have happened as a result...

and I'm glad that I encountered those words...

pages...

stories...

the stuff that inspires us to do some of those things...

do...

be...

live.


The book I'm referring to is

A Million Miles in a Thousand Years

by Donald Miller.

If you're looking for a great read...I highly recommend it.


Anyway...the book is about Don.

He is approached by two movie producers that want to make a movie out of his memoir, Blue Like Jazz.

The process of editing his memoir-life into something that would make for an engaging narrative for screen causes him to apply the same edits to his real-life.

Thus...an amazing story...

an example that a life can be rescued from the everyday...

mundane...

and can be directed towards a journey wrought with amazing.


So...how did this affect me?

The book came out in the fall of 2009.

I remember ordering it from a local bookstore in Farmington...

and being really annoyed when it didn't come in on time.

We were in STL a few days after the release and I found it at a Borders.


It was a read that happened in four days. It could've happened quicker, but it was also a busy time with school...basketball...life.

Immediately after I read the thing, I wanted to make some changes.

To make a better story for the life of Wade Buckman.


So...here are some things that actually changed:

1) Started a band...played a benefit for a student with leukemia =

amazing experience, blessed to have been able to help...

looking to do some more with The Hope Endeavor...

Above photo is an awesome reminder of people coming together to help out a family in need.

2) Launching a project to help meet a need in my local community =

a project that I'm the final stages of launching, will make all you of privy to here in the next couple of weeks, since I plan to use the blog and twitter to spread the word

3) Hosting a singer/songwriter houseshow =

also something that I will make privy to those that it applies to in the near future...looks to be awesome

4) Enjoying the everyday experiences of life =

being a husband and father...nothing like it

5) Looking ahead =

starting to dream big about some things...looking into getting some things rolling

6) Losing weight/eating better =

get healthy


I plan to get into these a little more in future posts...

so...

here's to living a better story....

Do you have any examples of positives that have come as a result of your reading of a book?

If so...please share (book/what happened, is happening)....

As an added bonus...Don embarked on a book tour and I got to hear him speak...which has further encouraged me to write a better story for Wade....

"Someday...when my life has passed me by..."

We were driving home last night from the Lou and it seemed like my iPod had time-traveled back to the late 90's...early 00's.

I say this because the shuffle feature took us back in time, which in turn caused me to deliberately seek some stuff out that I hadn't heard in awhile.

Such a spread...Beastie Boys, Blink 182, Vertical Horizon (remember them?), Our Lady Peace, Jimmy Eat World, Nine Days ("This is the story of a girl..."), Less Than Jake, Creed, Pete Yorn, Semisonic, Sugar Ray (seriously? Yes...seriously), The Wallflowers, Third Eye Blind, 311, Temple of the Dog (I'm goin' Hungryyyy......!), Pearl Jam (who were just on SNL by the way), Toad the Wet Sprocket...etc.

I understand that my iPod contains a veritable time-capsule of popular stuff from the late 90's to early 00's (the college years)...even some pop stuff that evokes the senses and feelings of that amazing era of life.

And for those Montanan's out there...the Clinton's!

So...Sugar Ray's Someday comes on and I'm immediately whisked away to the California Coast...the summer of 99'.

Some friends and I had an amazing road trip that took us out to CA...which was an amazing experience considering we were all from MT.

We were driving along Highway 1, heading to the next beach...the windows down...the breeze off of the Pacific...sun...amazing.

So...here's the challenge:

Name a song that, when heard, triggers your brain to feel/see/sense a specific time/place.

Enjoying a "Smooth"

My days since the last post to the blog have been filled with this sort of stuff. Hanging out with my girls...enjoying the time together.

Here...Sarala and I are enjoying a strawberry + banana smooth.

Yes...

Sarala refers to smoothies as smooths.

She loves smooths.

I love smooths.

Together...we love us some smooths.


This is pretty much how life in the Buckman house goes...hanging out....

I was able to experience my first full weekend home these past two days...

without any guitar...

without any basketball....


Not saying anything about guitar and basketball being bad...it's pretty much all I do outside of school....

It was quite awesome to hang at home for a weekend.

It is amazing to watch your daughter play with a toy dollhouse and giggle...

talk...

sing....

The simplicity of joy.

She was immersed in the moment.


We can all learn so much from this small child.

Enjoying every bit of the moment.

Each of us have moments all throughout our days.

Why can't we get lost in moments?


So...this is the plan...the challenge:

To acknowledge and enjoy at least one moment during my day.

It can be at work, home...wherever.

The goal is to acknowledge and just enjoy the joy from those moments.

For example...

enjoying a nice warm sandwich for dinner and enjoying the moment eating some awesomeness (St. Louis Bread Co) with my significant other (Something I experienced this evening)

watching some AFV with the small child and belly-laughing because of the awesomeness displayed (some of that stuff is just universally funny)

listening to some fantastic singer/songwriter tunes (Andrew Osenga has been in heavy rotation lately)

sitting around with some friends...dreaming big things

playing Settlers of Cataan, which, by the way, is an addicting board game

and...of course

enjoying a smooth.

Try it...

see what happens!

If nothing else...blend up a smooth.

"How About Whole Foods?" I Asked....

We were in Chicago two summers ago when Sarala was almost 2.

Sarala slept in the far backseat of the vehicle as we drove around...trying to figure out where we would eat.

The question, as a joke...as we drove past a Whole Foods was:

"What about Whole Foods?"

Sarala was sleeping in the very backseat of the vehicle at the time.

Hadn't made a sound.

At the sound of me saying Whole Foods...she says

"Booooooo!"

Hilarious...

and then I made the comment that we're definitely not hitting up Whole Foods with Sarala.


Fast-forward to this past weekend....

We find ourselves at Whole Foods with Sarala.


As we were inside Sarala proceeds to say

"I don't like this place."

Sarala...apparently has this inherent dislike of Whole Foods.


Her partiality may lie with Trader Joe's...as does mine.

Who doesn't love a place with small-child carts...like TJ's?

"I Have To...!"

This was Sarala's first experience with Spumoni.

If you're not familiar with Spumoni...

think of it as a really fancy, Italian ice cream.

It has the neopolitan look but has layers.

Awesomeness is what I say.


Anyway...Sarala was bringing herself to the brink of a brainfreeze while eating Spumoni this past weekend.

I told her that she didn't have to finish and her reply was...

"I HAVE TO...!"

She was all about it.


Is there anything you attack with the voraciousness of Sarala eating Spumoni?

Um yeah...me either.... ;)

Lost weight...now let's eat!

I have to share some awesomeness with you.

Due to the abundance of quality food in our household...

all due to Crystal...

I am 14 lbs lighter than I was when February started!

That's right...

14 lbs.


That's the equivalent of a small baby child...

3 chihuahua's...

or a very large...Garfield-like...cat.


Then...what does one do to celebrate such a feat!?

Go to The Cheesecake Factory...of course!


Seriously...

it was the first meal we had eaten out in a long time...and I actually got something fairly decent...

nothing fried.


Regardless...the food was amazing.

Then...we had to share a slice of Oreo Cheesecake...a splurge/reward for the discipline maintained over the past couple weeks.

I'm good now...it was amazing...but I thought I may not make it later that night.


Sarala is much better at naturally eating well.

It's like she's got this inherent knowledge of what's good for her...

and that's what she usually eats.


Take this plate for example.

She ordered some chicken strips...

took the dipping sauces off the plate because they're "Ewww!"

and then proceeded to strip the strips of their breading.


Also...she's not much of a fry-eater so...we made a face using the discarded sauces and a fry.

Here's to eating better...

on into March...and beyond!

Things I'm Likin' Right Now...

1) Dierbergs
One of the things I miss about living in the city. I know we're not far away...but there's something about having the selection that a place like Dierbergs provides within minutes.

The variety...

the quality...

the awesome.

And...if you don't know what I'm talking about...Dierbergs is an awesome grocery store.

2) Half-Pipe Snowboarding

What is more exciting than seeing massive air, big tricks, passion...with commentators saying things like McTwist, Sketchy, the eye of the tiger, Finnish Mafia, Double Cork....

3) The tv show Chopped on food network

How intense is this show? The smack talk...the ability to come up with something when you're given a fish, chocolate, endive, and graham crackers...seriously?

4) 30 Rock

I love that Al Gore has a sense of humor...and...this show is hilarious if you haven't seen it.



5) A favorite SNL Skit - Blizzard Man

"Replace me? T-Pain?"



What are some of your current favorites? Music...places...food...shows...whatever.

She Knew....

This is a pic of Sarala with her horse on a stick...

from our last trip to Children's Eye Center.


The news we brought home with us that day involved surgery.

Though it was to be an outpatient procedure...Sarala has had a couple surgeries and we would love for her to not have to endure any more...if it were all up to us.

We didn't know what to expect...we just knew that she was having a lot of trouble seeing things up close and Sarala's therapist suggested we get her eyes checked.


We were told that Sarala had exotropia of the right eye.

Strabismus...which is basically a lazy eye...was caused by her retinopathy of prematurity (which premature babies can have) and cerebral palsy.

These were just some of the complications that Sarala contended with as a small babe...born 3 months premature...2.5 lbs...amazingly sick.

We risked vision impairment if we didn't act.

Her brain would get tired of keeping her eye straight and it would eventually drift, which would affect her vision adversely.

This seemed like a fairly simple option...but again...we weren't too excited about our baby being put under.


Going back to the last post...because of this reality...we had always assumed that something could come up along the way.

And...we made the decision that we wouldn't worry about it...

let God take care of her...

and take things as they came along.


Today was a different story.

Sarala's pediatrician didn't feel like they got the whole picture...so he questioned...and as one we completely trust...figured we should get her reassessed.

This time a specialist who works with strabismus and the like examined her eyes.

It was awesome to watch Sarala do so well.

Then...he didn't see any of the things that showed up during our last visit...

so...

surgery cancelled...

we'll be back in four months just to make sure...

but he couldn't find anything wrong with her eye.


Amazing...truly amazing.

As a friend put it...another miracle for our miracle baby....

And...

to make it even better...

Sarala seemed to know.


She was worried about it all day...

cried most of the way up.


As soon as she saw the doctor though...she wanted to give him a hug and went right in.

Then...her eyes were checked and nothing showed up.


Sarala was a different kid the rest of the trip.

God is taking care of our baby...His baby....

Perspective...

We were watching the finals of the men's moguls and a Canadian won gold.

Their first gold on home soil...

then there was some backstory....


I really wasn't paying close attention to the pre-run stuff...

I was pretty excited about the Montanan in place to win a medal...

but remember the commentators saying something about Alexandre Bilodeau...

wanting to dedicate his run to his brother.


Turns out his brother has cerebral palsy...is in a wheelchair, can walk some...but skis.

Alexandre talked about his brother being an inspiration for him...that he doesn't complain...

even though, according to Alexandre, he has every right to.


Sarala had been put to bed...and even though it is Valentine's Day and all...I figured I would take the pics off my phone and download to the computer.

I hadn't pulled any of the pictures I've received via text...figured it was time to put them on the computer.

Crystal had sent a pic by text that I had forgotten all about...

a simple picture...

but one that brought back a storm of emotion.


This is an amazing picture.

Simple...yet beautiful.

Full of joy...

a small child that looks for joy in everything she encounters.


This was taken last Spring...right after another visit to Children's.

This is when Sarala was first diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy.

We had left Children's...

had some lunch at Blueberry Hill...

and Sarala wanted to see the penguins at the zoo.



Though this was something that we had anticipated...prepared for...as much as we could, it was still tough...

and can be tough at times still...

to acknowledge the reality of her situation.

It is mild cerebral palsy, but most people see it as cerebral palsy...plain and simple.

It's irritating...causes anger that this label...diagnosis...could be used to define her...even if you've never met her.

We just had an underwriter for life insurance reject her due to cerebral palsy.

Dumb.

If you met her, and most of you have...she's normal.

She has problems with her legs every now and then, but really...we have been blessed in the mildness of her condition.

After her birth...looking at all of her issues, complications...we knew that we could deal with something someday.

Though miraculous things had happened all through the time she was in San Fran...the time she spent in the hospital...we knew that it would be smart to keep an eye on her.

We just decided that we would take everything as it came...there wasn't any use worrying about it...just acknowledge it and move forward.

God had already done some amazing things at this point...and is continuing to do things that can only be attributed to something bigger.


The diagnosis has caused some things to happen that wouldn't have happened if she didn't have the diagnosis.

She is receiving physical therapy as a result...and is making beautiful progress.



I hate that she has to wear these things...but they aren't that invasive...and Sarala thinks of them as her boots.

She loves running around in them.

So...I look at these pictures...

and it reminds me of a God who we can only describe as

loving...

merciful...

awesome...

powerful.


I leave you with this...

God's love...what reminders are present around you?

God's love is meteoric,
his loyalty astronomic,
His purpose titanic,
his verdicts oceanic.
Yet in his largeness
nothing gets lost;
Not a man, not a mouse,
slips through the cracks.
Psalm 36:5-6

Happy Valentine's Day...

Now...that's one big kiss.

Celebrate...?

Do you have anything...

small...

huge...

to celebrate...

be excited about...

to claim as a victory?


I'll start...

1) I'm able to wear a jacket that I haven't been able to wear in two winters.
A victory....

2) My wife got me a new messenger bag to replace my current bag, which is looking pretty rough.
Something unexpected but awesome.

There...your turn.

Money in the Couch...

Money in the couch, money in the couch...lookin' like a fool with yo money in the couch....

Sarala was helping me look for some of her toys that had gotten sucked into the couch.

She ended up finding two bucks...

and I don't think we ever did retrieve the toys we were looking for,

which means they're probably still in there as I type....

Anyway...find anything in your couch lately?

"I want to be a llama...."

We watch a lot of movies around the Buckman household.

As of late though...the past 3 years to be more specific...

most of those movies involve Disney...

Pixar...

and are of animated origin.

One of those films that didn't get much attention is The Emperor's New Groove.

David Spade as the spoiled emperor/llama...John Goodman as your big, loveable protagonist...

good family fun.

It's actually quite clever...humorous...

especially when you have David Puddy playing Kronk...

awesomer.


Anyway...

tonight Sarala says:

Daddy...for Halloween...I want to be a llama!

I say...awesome!

Who wants to aim for your standard...

run-of-the-mill costume anyway?

Favorite Super Bowl Ads...

The Super Bowl:

football...half-time show...commercials.

The game was actually a fantastic game...riveting.

The half-time show on the other hand...hmmm.

The commercials didn't seem all that great...but there were a few that I thought were clever and may have gotten a smile or chuckle from me.

That's right...a chuckle.

Here they are those very commercials:

Brett Favre and Hyundai


"Hands off my mama!"


Google


"Mike, you're playing like Betty White out there."


Awesome + Awesome = Awesomer


Which were your favorites?

Staying Focused...

The journey can be rough at times.

Occasionally we may hit a stretch that lies straight...

clear...

open...

with a trajectory that lies unobstructed...

forward....

We look ahead and all seems possible.


Inspiration...

hope...

dreams materialize.

It's amazing how momentum can build...

things off in the distance can come into focus...

clarity.


Then...

things happen that cause distraction...

distort what's ahead...

provoke...

create doubt.

Many ideas have found their demise this way...many of my own ideas.

These hindrances can kill momentum.

Time...

then adds and only compounds the loss of clarity.


The hard part is retaining that glimpse of what we saw...

it can be minuscule at times, but we saw it...

for a reason.


This is my prayer...that I will remain focused on what's ahead, what I've seen.

That I will retain that glimpse of clarity and continue working toward the goal...as far away as it may seem sometimes.

I leave you with this...

When was the last time you had a clarifying moment concerning a hope...

a dream...

a vision?

Is it still worth the striving...

desire...

attainment?

Second Thoughts...

Dreams.

Visions.

Hopes.

What sorts of things do you see ahead?

How many of those actually leave your brain and become something tangible...become action?

I'm guilty of dreaming big...thinking big...and leaving it at that.

It's scary...I know...to think big.

What if?

As I try to put some action behind some of my thoughts...dreams...hopes...I hope you will join me.

The journey thus far has been quite amazing, but I believe it could even more amazing.

The blog...I hope...can become something of a catalyst...to spark movement towards making some of our hopes, dreams, visions into reality...or at least to try.

I'm trying hard to at least try.

Not to let doubt...fear...keep me from doing...keep me just thinking.

I've got a couple things in the works...the first of which is:

Hosting a house show for a singer/songwriter....

As I iron out the details, I will let you know how that goes.

Right now...I acted...spoke...and have a date.

Now...to get the details ironed out...and...something awesome.

So...we'll begin with that.

Let's see what we can come up with....

Where Oh Where...?!

What am I doing?

Where am I going?

What am I really wanting to do with this blog...where do I want to take it?

It's been a time of rethinking around the Buckman household.

My Wii-age is almost ten years older than I actually am...

what's going on here?

The wife has gotten our family eating much better...

and...

it's pretty awesome.

An awesome step in the right direction.

Then there is everything else....

Everything?!

Yes....

There are visions...plans...that include family...health...finances...education...projects...all sorts of stuff.

The hope is to stay motivated.

Now...here's the question:

What can I do with my blog to help with this?

Stay tuned....

Joy...

We have just experienced a respite...a departure from the crazy that life can create if left unchecked.

My life is reentering a rhythm where basketball no longer has a place.

Somehow I ended up remaining quite busy...

then

...snow.

Not just a little snow...9 inches fell and...all of the sudden we've got a four-day weekend.

What a perfect time for a couple extra days of rest...

relaxation...

joy.

The week preceding the snow consisted of a full four days of work.

For the first time since early November...no basketball practice...games...preparation.

I ended up filling that time with a bunch of other stuff that did exactly that...filled that time.

My responsibilities were being taken care of but the paperwork was becoming overwhelming.

These are the times where I spend too much time...energy...focus on things that really don't matter.

Enter Sarala.

We got to spend a couple extra days with her.

This beautiful face can realign my thoughts...purpose...perspective in times of busy.

God is present...something that I tend to forget...trudging along in my daily life.

Sarala is an amazing reminder of His faithfulness...mercy...love.

How often do you laugh during your day?

I'm guilty of letting life...busy...routine direct my thoughts...attention.

Where is the joy?

Joy...truly losing myself in the laughter of amazingly ordinary things.

This never seems to be an issue with Sarala.

She's got this inherent ability to keep herself from getting too serious...which also helps us to maintain perspective.

My hope for her...that she'll retain as much of this ability as possible.

To look for the joy...laughter...good in things...

everyday

things.

So...when was the last time you laughed...

good...

deep...

big?

Snow...!

Missouri actually got a little snow the other day.

9 inches of snow!

I haven't seen snow like this since my days in Montana.

Did you make a snow angel?

Hugs...!

I love this picture.

Crystal is actually the artist...Sarala added the hugs.

The hugs you say?

Yes...the hugs.

I have been gone a lot due to basketball.

I do get home by 7 at the latest...Sarala is usually heading to bed by 8.

She misses me.

I miss her.

I am actually home right now...blogging...she's sleeping in the other room...I miss her even though we're in the same house.

I am nearing the close of the season though...a couple more days.

Sarala and I usually spend time playing Play-Doh, drawing, coloring, and lately...using watercolor.

She wanted Crystal to draw Sarala and Daddy the other night, then Sarala added "hugs."

I love the hugs.

The hugs carry me.

What are those things that carry you through...keep you going?

indian...

When you hear the word indian, what comes to mind?

Pictures?

Words?

Braided Hair?

Flashbacks to history class?

Anything?

When I was a little kid...shame came to mind.

Shame?

Yes...shame.

Why?

I guess it would have to do with the cultural attitude where I grew up.

Indians were alcoholics...poor...dumb.

I had to work through so much crap to realize that these are stereotypes...I didn't have to let any of these things affect who I am, how I percieve myself.

What are your thoughts?

Nowadays my definition is starting to include much more of me than ever before...and I'm loving it.

"Are You Really an Indian?"

I think I get that question about once a week.

I got this on Friday as I was talking to some students...elementary students.

The funny thing is that this questions always comes at random times...which means these kids are thinking about it without any sort of prompt.

I do find it enjoyable to be in an environment where there is curiosity...where there are questions...interest.

Growing up in Montana as an Indian was a whole different experience.

I look back at the negative stereotypes...negative attitudes...racism.

Blatant racism.

Here...I don't find that.

I love my current role as an ambassador of sorts...having the ability to share my culture with those who are interested enough to ask.

Do I think about my indian-ness?

On occasion.

I find myself getting depressed if I watch any sort of historical show about natives on tv. I find it interesting...but then...the personal knowledge of how these events have affected my life are heartbreaking.

There is a stigma attached that has resulted in unnecessary insecurities...doubts...the way I look at myself.

I also get a lot of flack from indians....

A lot of people don't realize that aspect of it.

I...apparently...am not "indian" enough to call myself one.

Essentially I'm stuck...between two worlds.

A white world or...world of wasicu's...and the indians.

What makes an indian "indian" though?

I've never quite understood that.

I know I don't have long hair...I know I don't speak my language (not because I wouldn't want to)...but, why am I not "indian" enough?

What exactly are the qualifications?

I consider myself native...but only recently have I been able to reconcile that.

I've always struggled with it.

There have got to be more "indians" out there who are in my shoes.

When you were growing up...what did you hear about indians?
Did you happen to hear anything about indians?

The Hope Endeavor...

Coming soon...to a venue near you ;)

Setlist from the Tyler Garrish Benefit Concert:

Anthem for the Underdog - 12 Stones
Shine - Pillar (Collective Soul)
Mighty to Save - Seventh Day Slumber
Everybody Praise the Lord - Lincoln Brewster
My Glorious - Delirious
Came to My Rescue - Hillsong United
Take My Life - Jeremy Camp
Christmas/Sarajevo 12/24 (Instrumental) - Trans-Siberian Orchestra
God Almighty, None Compares - David Crowder* Band

Conversations...

The last conversation I had with my brother concerned this book.

It seemed like I was talking to him...then...days later...I got a phone call.

It's tough to think about, talk about...even now.

It's been a couple years now.

The only reason why I'm even bringing this up concerns the fact that I let a friend borrow this book...it never came back.

I ended up ordering another copy through some bookstore in Wyoming...as a Christmas present of sorts to myself.

The fact that I now have it in my possession again...haven't touched it.

Why?

I guess it's still too painful to delve into.

The hurt, though not as intense, is still present.

The questions...the unknowns...the what-ifs?

I figure he would've done what he did regardless of my being around or not.

The pain involved in getting my mental state to accept that I couldn't have done anything...only recently have I been able to reconcile this.

I regret not having more conversations...the balls to come out and share real life.

We hinted around at it. It seemed like we were heading that direction...but...never got there.

Never.

That's the thing...I don't if I'll ever get the chance...I've got various accounts of what preceded the events that took place.

The truth and reality is...I won't know.

Don't be afraid.

Have conversations.

Share life.

Love.

Act.

The Plan For Today...

Basketball happened...is happening...will happen.

Thus...didn't make time for blogging.

To keep myself in the groove of posting...here we go:

Tonight is the last home game of the season...8th grade night...this is it.

Tournaments...then I'm done with the 2009-2010 season.

Wow...so, here's the plan.

I hope to carry the adjectives that describe Dwight here into the rest of my day...tonight's game...into Friday.

I hope to be back tomorrow with another post...relevant to hopefully not just myself...and yes...to keep on keepin' on.

Time to finish strong y'all....

Small Child Wisdom...

Life can be busy...crazy...non-stop.

It call also be routine...monotonous.

This is usually when it seems like I'm wearing blinders. I'm only looking ahead at what's next.

The schedule.

Then...I hear some amazing little words from my baby girl.

Regardless of my schedule, routine, responsibilities...the end of my school day culminates in my being able to go and pick up the small child from preschool.

The photo above is a welcome sign that hangs just inside the doorway.

Sarala saw it and said "Look...Sarala and Daddy!"

I smiled, laughed...melted...and was reminded about the things that are truly important.

My guess is that it's the hair.

It has to be!

It's insane how much I let the routine...monotony of my day...affect my outlook on things.

I don't stop to look around here...take in the things around me.

This is where my daughter teaches me quite often...to stop...look around...and laugh, enjoy, smile...and ultimately...BE.

I'm so busy THINKING or DOING that I miss out on what's right in front of me...BEING.

So...what has reminded you lately to slow down, take a breath, and BE?

Trust...

Proverbs 3:5

Can God speak through ESPN?

I'm not saying anything either way...but....

I saw this tattooed on the arm of a basketball player for Oklahoma State University tonight.

For some reason it stuck out.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding.

At least...that's what I think I saw...pretty sure it's what I saw.

I don't know the context...don't know if that is even what was actually on the arm, but it sure looked like Proverbs 3:5.

After doing a Google search of the player's name...looking at images...I couldn't come to any sort of conclusion as to whether or not that is what the tattoo is.

It sure stuck out though....

I am currently trying to figure out how to go about doing something that I feel like I need to do.

I know that the above statement isn't the best sentence nor does it make a whole lot of sense...but as I head into these next couple days...talk to some people...hopefully I can let you in on what I'm thinking.

So...until then...I guess I'll do what Proverbs 3:5 says.

How about that for some confirmation...especially during a basketball game...where I wasn't fully engaged because I was thinking about the possibilities.

No more worry.

Act B...act!

"Take my cake-cake...!"

Sarala is always singing.

I would love for her to do something with music...not that I'm partial or anything. We've got all sorts of instruments around the house here...she seems to like the piano...although she has been talking about the violin. I love it.

Usually she sings things she's heard a lot of...but then she'll occasionally put her own spin on it...or she'll come up with something on her own.

Up until December 6th, the date of The Hope Endeavor's first show (which is the band I'm in), I listened to our set-list over and over. Three of the songs have really stuck with her: Collective Soul's Shine, Lincoln Brewster's Everybody Praise the Lord, and Jeremy Camp's Take My Life. If you click on the song titles...you'll be redirected to YouTube (some shameless self promotion).

Anyway, Sarala has been going around singing these songs, along with others.
Yesterday she was singing Take My Life, but substituted her own lyrics. Her lyrics went...Take my cake-cake, take my chocolate milk, take my life!

Now...cake-cake is cupcake. If you know Sarala, you are aware that cake-cake and chocolate milk are two things that are very important to her. If you ask her who she's singing to, her reply..."Jesus."

I love her heart. I love the story surrounding her. I love that God has such a handprint in how she was born...healed...how she came to live with us...the amazing blessings she has given us. We are always discussing how Jesus took care of her when she was in the hospital...then she'll completely rock our worlds when she says something like "Jesus is holding my hand Daddy", like she did one morning on our way to school.


My hope and prayer is that she'll never lose this as she grows older.

Are there any reminders in your life of God's grace? Faithfulness? Salvation?

Lala's Hat....

Crystal's dad saw this from the kitchen table. This is a hat that Sarala made at the STL Art Fair this past summer. Awesome hat.

Do you see anything unusual on the hat?

I actually had a better picture of this, but...accidentally deleted it off the camera before I downloaded the pics to my computer...so....

Acknowledge...Part 2

I find it amusing...and sad at the same time...that my last post was about procrastination...and lo...no post since then.

So...here we go.

Procrastination hasn't stifled my efforts concerning my usual responsibilities...school things, grading papers...which it usually does...but it has affected the posting to my blog.

It is all of 7 degrees outside...we've been out of school the past two days...all the reason I need to continue procrastinating. Right?

I figure...it's time to get back to a routine of contributing to the blog.

Since my last post...something awesome has occurred.

Sarala is now Sarala...according to her insurance card. She still went by her birth name whenever we visited any sort of doctor or pharmacy...even though the adoption has been final since April 2007. The speed of the paperwork has been incredibly slow. Everything concerning Sarala now says Sarala...which is pretty awesome. Another God-thing.

So...I leave you with this.

Has God blown your mind lately...and if so...how?