Conversations...

The last conversation I had with my brother concerned this book.

It seemed like I was talking to him...then...days later...I got a phone call.

It's tough to think about, talk about...even now.

It's been a couple years now.

The only reason why I'm even bringing this up concerns the fact that I let a friend borrow this book...it never came back.

I ended up ordering another copy through some bookstore in Wyoming...as a Christmas present of sorts to myself.

The fact that I now have it in my possession again...haven't touched it.

Why?

I guess it's still too painful to delve into.

The hurt, though not as intense, is still present.

The questions...the unknowns...the what-ifs?

I figure he would've done what he did regardless of my being around or not.

The pain involved in getting my mental state to accept that I couldn't have done anything...only recently have I been able to reconcile this.

I regret not having more conversations...the balls to come out and share real life.

We hinted around at it. It seemed like we were heading that direction...but...never got there.

Never.

That's the thing...I don't if I'll ever get the chance...I've got various accounts of what preceded the events that took place.

The truth and reality is...I won't know.

Don't be afraid.

Have conversations.

Share life.

Love.

Act.