"Are You Really an Indian?"

I think I get that question about once a week.

I got this on Friday as I was talking to some students...elementary students.

The funny thing is that this questions always comes at random times...which means these kids are thinking about it without any sort of prompt.

I do find it enjoyable to be in an environment where there is curiosity...where there are questions...interest.

Growing up in Montana as an Indian was a whole different experience.

I look back at the negative stereotypes...negative attitudes...racism.

Blatant racism.

Here...I don't find that.

I love my current role as an ambassador of sorts...having the ability to share my culture with those who are interested enough to ask.

Do I think about my indian-ness?

On occasion.

I find myself getting depressed if I watch any sort of historical show about natives on tv. I find it interesting...but then...the personal knowledge of how these events have affected my life are heartbreaking.

There is a stigma attached that has resulted in unnecessary insecurities...doubts...the way I look at myself.

I also get a lot of flack from indians....

A lot of people don't realize that aspect of it.

I...apparently...am not "indian" enough to call myself one.

Essentially I'm stuck...between two worlds.

A white world or...world of wasicu's...and the indians.

What makes an indian "indian" though?

I've never quite understood that.

I know I don't have long hair...I know I don't speak my language (not because I wouldn't want to)...but, why am I not "indian" enough?

What exactly are the qualifications?

I consider myself native...but only recently have I been able to reconcile that.

I've always struggled with it.

There have got to be more "indians" out there who are in my shoes.

When you were growing up...what did you hear about indians?
Did you happen to hear anything about indians?