Homecoming...?

I'm going home...to Montana today. I don't know how to express how I feel about it...I'm excited but anxious, nervous....

Pray. Pray that things will go well. God leads us all through life. It's up to us whether or not we want to follow. I've gone off track here and there, but I'm grateful for my experiences. It's been quite a journey (hence the title of my blog) that brought me here. This blog is another reason why I'm posting this...a chance to put my thoughts into coherent words...hopefully. It's time for me to go home to visit. It's been awhile since I've been home.

There's a reason that God's put me here in Arcadia, Missouri. I've enjoyed, and still enjoy, my life here. I'm disconnected from a lot of things back home...hurts, depression, alcoholism...a lot of rough things. My history with my family has been rocky to say the least. We don't get along too well and don't see eye to eye on a lot of things. Therefore, we tend to stick to generalities and not getting into real deep discussion. I love them though. I'm anxious. Not worried, but anxious. It has been a long time since I've been home.

The last time I was home was to attend the funeral of my older brother. That resulted in a short, busy stay in February 2006. It's now May 2008. Crystal and I have Sarala. Our life here is wonderful. My life in Montana seems very distant, different from who I am today. It's not that I was so different when I was younger, I'm just coming to that realization that I've grown up and am expecting my relationships there to reflect this. I'm not a kid anymore...no longer confused, no longer angry about the things going on in my family. I'm happy. The old feelings are coming back though and I guess that's why I'm posting this. I'm anxious. I don't really know how to feel. The trip is coming up and I'm trying to not be nervous. Montana seems almost foreign now.

God, help ease my anxiety...help me to remember how you look at me...I'm loved...I'm happy...I'm incredibly blessed....