I Should Probably Be Packing...

By the time this posts, I'll be in Montana...hopefully enjoying some good weather (I'm hoping, but the forecast doesn't look so good). I'm going to try and continue blogging every weekday so there will be updates posted...hopefully pictures too.

From Wednesday, May 28th:
I'm sitting here "packing" my iPod, making sure it's loaded with all the good stuff...music, photos, and video. It'll be interesting to get with old friends and compare the music we're into. I've also got a bunch of photos and videos that need to be shared.

God wired me to love music. Not just the listening part, but the playing part of it too. Music has always been, and continues to be a big part of my life. I grew up playing the violin with an orchestra and symphony. I now play weddings, graduations, and the like with it. I've picked up playing the guitar in college and now play on the weekends at church. I've got a mandolin that I'm teaching myself to play. I love music.

All kinds, from classical, bluegrass, some hip-hop, punk, rock, praise...etc. I enjoy listening to the musicianship of singer-songwriters, full orchestras, bands, Native American drum groups and praise teams. The stuff I enjoy the most are live performances. I don't know what exactly it is, but the "raw-ness" of live music is unlike anything else. A lot of what I've been listening to lately is "live" recordings of stuff. I'm planning some concert trips this summer. The stuff happening with the gas prices threatens how much of that I'll get to do. Oh well.

I'm not too sure where this post is going, but that's how my mind has been...getting ready for this trip. I've felt overwhelmed almost...not sure what I need to be working on. Crystal has done the majority of the actual packing. I've been playing with Sarala to keep her out of things. That's not a bad job if you ask me.

I guess what I'm thinking about is the concept of "working smarter, not harder." I've got some plans for my classroom next year that have me excited. It'll be the first time I'll just have taught...no coaching. The time that will be free will be amazing. The goal though is to keep it "free," not to fill it up with other crap just because it's there. I can get a lot done if I focus my energy.

Why don't I do that with my relationship with God? If I put any effort into it that I do when I'm messing with my iPod, live recordings, just playing or listening to music...that's a ton of time when you think about it. That's a goal this summer, to refocus my energies so that they further reflect my priorities. My energy reflects my priorities pretty accurately right now, but God...like I say he does and should, be at the top of my list. He's not right now and that's my goal...to get Him to that point...since He's blessed me with so much.

Well, until next time...Here's a video shot from Dyersburg, TN...a concert I actually attended...and then got a chance to talk to Andy Osenga afterward about guitar stuff...pretty awesome! The song is called "When Will I Run"...and the chorus fits pretty good with this post "When will I run to the arms of God..."

Homecoming...?

I'm going home...to Montana today. I don't know how to express how I feel about it...I'm excited but anxious, nervous....

Pray. Pray that things will go well. God leads us all through life. It's up to us whether or not we want to follow. I've gone off track here and there, but I'm grateful for my experiences. It's been quite a journey (hence the title of my blog) that brought me here. This blog is another reason why I'm posting this...a chance to put my thoughts into coherent words...hopefully. It's time for me to go home to visit. It's been awhile since I've been home.

There's a reason that God's put me here in Arcadia, Missouri. I've enjoyed, and still enjoy, my life here. I'm disconnected from a lot of things back home...hurts, depression, alcoholism...a lot of rough things. My history with my family has been rocky to say the least. We don't get along too well and don't see eye to eye on a lot of things. Therefore, we tend to stick to generalities and not getting into real deep discussion. I love them though. I'm anxious. Not worried, but anxious. It has been a long time since I've been home.

The last time I was home was to attend the funeral of my older brother. That resulted in a short, busy stay in February 2006. It's now May 2008. Crystal and I have Sarala. Our life here is wonderful. My life in Montana seems very distant, different from who I am today. It's not that I was so different when I was younger, I'm just coming to that realization that I've grown up and am expecting my relationships there to reflect this. I'm not a kid anymore...no longer confused, no longer angry about the things going on in my family. I'm happy. The old feelings are coming back though and I guess that's why I'm posting this. I'm anxious. I don't really know how to feel. The trip is coming up and I'm trying to not be nervous. Montana seems almost foreign now.

God, help ease my anxiety...help me to remember how you look at me...I'm loved...I'm happy...I'm incredibly blessed....

Home Sweet Home...

It's amazing how good home is. I mowed the lawn today and as much as I hate doing it...I'm glad I have a lawn to mow. I'm glad I have a push-mower to mow it. I'm extra glad that this particular push-mower is a mulching-mower...so, no bags. God is pretty amazing. The weather was great...an awesome thing for a last day at home before a big trip.

Now, it is the night before our big Montana excursion. I'm listening to a little Andy Osenga..."Swing Wide the Glimmering Gates." Good stuff. Sarala is asleep. I just checked us in via the airline website and printed off our boarding passes. As I'm finishing the last touches of packing (almost forgot socks), I downloaded the stuff I had on my camera so I'm ready to go with a clean SD card. There are some amazing pictures of things in my own front yard. Sarala spent some time exploring this evening and it was a lot of fun. Tomorrow night we'll be in Montana. I'll be able to introduce her to my land and my people. My dog knows what's up...and it's quite sad. She knows we're going somewhere. I made sure to play her with today and I'm going to make a point to do so tomorrow before we leave. We'll miss her...considered bringing her, but I didn't want to traumatize her. Well, here are the pics and I hope that you all, or y'all, have a great rest of the week.

God Bless!

















Andy O..."Swing Wide the Glimmering Gates"...from Dyersburg, TN

"I'm Also Part Native American Indian...2/15th's"

I, unlike Michael Scott from "The Office," am actually full-blooded Native American. The whole "ethnicity" thing cracks me up sometimes. Sure, I've experienced racism, but there's also the other side to it...people trying to be super sensitive to the fact that I'm Native American. This can be rather funny sometimes.

Now, I don't think I've ever had the sensitivity thing happen to me on the level of these two clips...but I find these hilarious nonetheless. Enjoy!

Back to CA...

It hasn't hit me until recently, how important our trip to CA was. We are now parents, Sarala's name is actually Sarala, and nothing can change that.

God has done some amazing things through and with Sarala. I'm still blown away by all that. It really becomes evident when I look at the first picture we ever received of Sarala, look at her medical papers, and then at the legal process that brought her to us. We're incredibly blessed.

Here's a little video I made for my mom, to showcase CA pictures. I'm excited to introduce Sarala to my family later this week. She's met my mom and brother, but she'll be able to meet everyone else in my family and friend circle. It will be good!

A Summer Morning...

It's officially summer, even though I have to go in to work for half a day tomorrow...it's still summer. We slept in, as much as you can with a baby (8 am), and didn't have to do anything.

It was glorious...everything I dreamed it would be.

Sarala and I shared some Golden Graham cereal and watched some cartoons. She then proceeded to sneak off with the box, go sit down by the couch, and eat.


I thought "okay, she'll do fine." Well, as she was finished, she then took out the bag of cereal and with me telling her "no," dumped Golden Grahams on the floor.

This was an expected treat for Montana.


She's a crazy little babe...Sarala. I love it.

This little "episode" got me thinking about discipline. I'm really trying to do her justice by being fair and consistent. She knew not to dump the cereal, cried as I told her no, and was sad that she had to sit in the chair for a minute.

I also know that this isn't that big of a deal in the big scheme of things. I just need to deal with it and move on. She knows that I love her. She'll also know her story, how God has healed her and how it took miracles from God so that she could be with us. He loves her. We used to refer to her, and still do I guess, as God's baby because of her time in CA without us. He has surely blessed us with a beautiful, wonderful baby girl.

It got me thinking about Psalm 78:4, which I heard at church this weekend:

We will not hide these truths from our children;
we will tell the next generation
about the glorious deeds of the Lord,
about his power and his mighty wonders

We, as Christ-followers, definitely have a role in this...telling people about the "glorious deeds of the Lord, about his power and his mighty works." We all have our own examples of this. I love that Sarala will always have her story and hopefully it will serve as a continuous reminder of how much God loves her.

Here are some other passages that I heard this weekend:

Proverbs 19:18

Discipline your children while you still have the chance;
indulging them destroys them.

and Psalm 127:3

Children are a blessing
and a gift from the LORD.

It's Summer...Why Am I Up So Early...?

Summer has officially began!

For some reason I woke up super early this morning. Saturday is usually sleep-in day, but I woke up before Sarala. Hmmm...I don't know. As I'm sitting here typing this I hear the neighbor kids already playing outside. They too must have woke up early in the anticipation of not having to wake up early for school anymore as well.

Now, I normally don't post on weekends but I got a new camera yesterday and am pretty excited about it. It's a Canon Powershot. I took some pictures and some video with it and with the extra time I had this morning, made a little movie of Sarala.

The song continues after the credits due to the fact that I didn't take a ton of pictures yesterday, so I kept the song rolling with some cool scenery pics of California.

Enjoy!

You Made It!

Well...this is it! We did it. It's the last day of school. HAVE A GREAT DAY!

I Never Used to Like Taking Pictures...

I've found out that I like to take pictures. I never really have before. I don't know, maybe it was the camera. The pictures that I've taken recently have turned out pretty good and I'm thinking that I may have found something that I would like to get into. Therefore, I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of my new camera. It should be here tomorrow. It's a Canon Powershot...not an SLR but a good P+S with a lot of zoom. I'm excited to get out there and take some pictures. Also, we'll have it when we go to Montana...and even though I lived/grew up there...I need some pictures of home. Hopefully everyone is having a good day amidst the chaos of the end of the school year. I am actually taking a break from entering in grades in SIS...something I should be doing now...but I'm halfway done...then I've got to do report cards, permanent records...ALMOST THERE!!

Almost There...

I know that some of us will only be working for a couple more days...but this applies to err'body.

Perspective. We are all ministers...as Christ-followers. In the message at church this weekend, Jeremiah gave some great insight into the idea of how we need to think about our jobs. The Bible has all kinds of things to say about it. I wanted to focus on this one verse from Proverbs 16:11...

God cares about honesty in the workplace;
your business is His business.

When something goes wrong at work...talk to God. He cares about what's going down. When it seems like only a lie will keep things going...talk to God. Choose honesty. When something is stressing you out...talk to God. When you are excited...talk to God. When things get crazy...talk to God. Hopefully you see where I'm going with this. God loves us and He cares about all the stuff that matters to us...no matter how small they may seem. We're all ministers. We are reflecting Christ's love and mercy as we do our thing...as we bring the kingdom of God to the immediate world around us. This will affect the whole vibe of the workplace, classroom, whatever.

Try it...see what happens.

A Wise Man Once Said...

I've been reading through Proverbs lately. To tell you the truth, I don't think I've ever really read through Proverbs before. I've read it, but haven't "read" it...if you know what I mean. There's some good stuff in there.

Check these out:

Proverbs 10:8...

A wise heart takes orders;
an empty head will come unglued.

and how about Proverbs 10:9...

Honesty lives confident and carefree,
but Shifty is sure to be exposed.

or Proverbs 10:19...

The more talk, the less truth;
the wise measure their words.

and finally...Proverbs 10:32...

The speech of a good person clears the air;
the words of the wicked pollute it.

It's amazing that these words are applicable, right now, today, in our jobs, lives, wherever. Living wisely in the eyes of God and the people...that's what the kingdom of God is all about...what Jesus talked about. This way of living well is what will advance God's kingdom around us. Community is built this way. Relationships grow and develop by doing these things. Overall, God is honored as we look to live wise, abundant, full, long lives.

I want to be considered wise. I also want my speech to clear the air. We've had a lot of "pollution" floating around lately and it just doesn't fit with this time of year. We're quickly approaching summer and the weather is getting nicer. It's almost time to renew the mind, relax, and have some fun. I've got to say...summer is one of the best things about being a teacher. Sure, I enjoy imparting knowledge on the young ones, but summer break is timeless.

The Important Stuff...

We had some pictures taken of Sarala on Monday afternoon. Even though she was tired, she did pretty good. She finally decided that she was finished and said "done." She then preceded to jump off the little bench she was sitting on and took off.

Now, I just laughed because she has a mind of her own. She then threw a fit as we tried to finish out the sitting. The photographer didn't seem too happy about it...but she's a baby. She doesn't understand words like "arms down, smile" and "stay seated." I just had to shake my head and laugh.

She's a beautiful baby girl that Crystal and I are blessed with. I thought about how a situation like this..."fit" if you will, would make some people irritated. I'm glad that I've never been irritated or annoyed with Sarala. She's a baby without the language skills to express to us that she was tired and ready to go home. I want to make everything great for her. If she's not enjoying something, is it really that important? Pictures are great, but we've got the real-live Sarala. Thus, we ended the sitting early and went home to play and eat dinner. I look at these pictures in this post and think about the fact that I love her so much. I want the best for her. Even in her times of crying, fussing...etc. I still love her so much. I just have to smile. By the way, she decided to go to bed at 6:05pm... she was very tired!!

An Amazing Group of Girls...

I received a gift yesterday from my JV team. It was a scrapbook that contained a personal message from each team member. Wow! It about brought tears to my eyes. It came at a perfect time when I was needing some encouragement. It's like God put his arm around me and reminded me about the blessings of a life well lived and that everything is glorious. Everything is under His control. The girls I coached this year taught me as much as I taught them. We not only played some good basketball, I tried to impart life lessons on them. I'm excited for this group of girls...to go on and continue playing basketball, and to go on to do exciting things. They are an amazing group of kids that I've watched grow into young women. I will definitely be there on the sidelines next year cheering them on.

A little Louie Giglio for you...

This is just amazing...
I have the DVD of this whole message so if you'd like to borrow it, let me know....

What a Weekend...

It's amazing what the weekend can do for you. For me, it ended up giving me affirmation in how I am dealing with a situation. Thanks God. Also, it was a time to disconnect and do something I love (play music) and to hang out at home. I did end up mowing the lawn...but got a chance to relax at home. There's stuff that could've been done, but nothing that "needed" to be done. I'm trying hard to maintain a Sabbath. If you don't leave a day for you and your family, I highly suggest you do so. It's needed.

As we were leaving Baylee Jo's (which had pretty much run out of everything because of all the weekend activities in AV), I noticed the time and the location of the sun. We cruised up to Taum Sauk and took some pictures. Sarala enjoyed the experience of "running" around on the gravel. The sky was clear and God's creation was evident. I then thought about how I don't have any pictures of Montana...really. I have some, but not too many. I lived there though and I guess that made the difference. I'm excited to go home and to take some pictures...I miss it.

The main thing I got out of the weekend though dealt with my situation. I received affirmation and am at peace with how things are going down. It's a matter of attitude. I go through periods of wanting justice but I need to wait...things will happen according to God's time and plan. I need to have the attitude that Jesus had...as described in this passage below from Philippians 2. It's a matter of me agreeing with others, loving others, being "deep-spirited" friends to them. I don't need to push my way to the front...like I want to do on occasion. I don't need to "sweet-talk" my way to the top. I need to put myself aside and to help others get ahead. It's amazing at how the change in pronouns makes this passage hit home. I need to forget about myself. I need to think of myself the way that Christ did...a servant. I need to have that attitude. Loving God...loving people...that's pretty much what it's all about. As long as I'm doing those things...everything else should fall in line. The other part of that is being obedient and listening to God, keeping myself and my agenda out of things. He's got a better picture of the BIG picture than I do...I'll trust Him on that.

Thanks God for getting my attention this weekend. I'm sorry.

If you've gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care— then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don't push your way to the front; don't sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand. Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself.

This Ain't High School Musical...

I've been working on this post since April...and now it's time to put it out there. The passage from James is something that I've been finding solace, peace, and rest in as I've been dealing with some things recently:

There are some very profound words found in James, chapter 3...

Do you want to be counted wise, to build a reputation for wisdom? Here's what you do: Live well, live wisely, live humbly. It's the way you live, not the way you talk, that counts. Mean-spirited ambition isn't wisdom. Boasting that you are wise isn't wisdom. Twisting the truth to make yourselves sound wise isn't wisdom. It's the furthest thing from wisdom—it's animal cunning, devilish conniving. Whenever you're trying to look better than others or get the better of others, things fall apart and everyone ends up at the others' throats.

Real wisdom, God's wisdom, begins with a holy life and is characterized by getting along with others. It is gentle and reasonable, overflowing with mercy and blessings, not hot one day and cold the next, not two-faced. You can develop a healthy, robust community that lives right with God and enjoy its results only if you do the hard work of getting along with each other, treating each other with dignity and honor.

James is laying down timeless truth. I've found that people act a certain way in high school...and some never grow past that. This can make it interesting in the workplace, church, wherever you deal with people. People can be tough to deal with at times. It seems like most of my posts have been dealing with people...or Sarala;). People though and the situations they create are things that we encounter on a daily basis.

It seems like stuff keeps coming up in my life that involves people. Today, for example, something continues coming up. I'm trying really hard to stay out of things, but it can be very frustrating. I want justice, things to be made known...things to be made right. I need to keep reminding myself though that if it doesn't directly involve me though...I'm not going to worry about it. I'm also not going to worry about it if it does involve me...unless it's something that has to be dealt with. I'm trying to stay close to God on that one...I don't want to get out there and get into things if I don't have to. I want to help develop a healthy, robust community that lives right with God, as hard as it can be to treat people with dignity and honor.

Is it really worth it though...to get involved and make things worse? I've found that a lot of the stuff that is said and goes on out there isn't worth getting worked up over. Some of those things have a way of working themselves out. Also, people who cause issues have a way of getting bit by the problems they've created. So, I'm not losing too much sleep ;)

I try to stay grounded in God's word when stuff like that comes up. Words like these from James cause me to rethink how I conduct myself. I can't act how I want to act. There are other passages, but this is one that has stuck with me recently. I think God has really been hammering me with the issue of pride. Pride is something that I tend to struggle with...like I need to make things right. It's hard to remain humble when people say things about you or do things complicate your life. If stuff is said about me I usually think "I need to make it known that...whatever." That's usually how I feel but it's not worth it.

Am I reflecting love and mercy in my dealings with people? Am I being gentle and reasonable? I'm not hot and cold am I? Am I living humbly?

These are the hard questions because people can be stupid and it's hard to not punch some of them in the head. Aside from these things...these people are being used to teach me things...make me better. I feel like I've gotten better. When I was younger...I didn't handle things like that so well. I still have trouble, but again, I try and focus on the bigger picture. Again, it's not my responsibility.

When it comes to dealing with people...reputations get examined and are improved or made worse. We all have reputations. I've got one. I guess the question is...does it align with being wise?

I don't do what I do to please people. It can appear that way I guess since I try and do the right thing...but my main goal is to live a life that pleases God. I try and let my actions speak for me. The thing I've come to realize is that people really do pay attention to what I do, far more than I think sometimes. I can rest in the fact that I'm trying to do what matches up with God. I need to continue to do the hard work of trying to get along with people.

Hopefully this makes sense...since I've added and detracted from this for awhile now...I may add to it later....

The Backpack...

I realize that this is not a recent picture, but it is one of the few that we have of Sarala in her backpack. She loves going for walks. It actually isn't that heavy carrying her around this way. She does hit and kick though if she gets excited so that isn't too fun sometimes, but I love it all the same. We walked to a friends house last night using the backpack. I realized that I haven't been outside too much with Sarala. The main reason for that is that she was too small last summer, but now that she's walking, I've got to make an effort to get outside and look at things.

She enjoys walking. Due to her little legs, it can be tiring so I'll take her the rest of the way. I am still not used to Missouri climate...hate humidity. Sarala feels the same also being a foreigner here. Our trip to Montana will be nice...0% humidity. Yes! We'll miss home though. Home is AV. I'm looking forward to putting Sarala in the backpack and doing some exploring this summer. It was funny because she saw the moon out and said..."Ball!" I love it. Well, have a great day...even though it's raining and the teachers have inside recess again...but it's Thursday people....

I love it...

I don't know what exactly it is about this picture...but I love it. There's a reason it's the first thing you see when you come onto the blog. The serenity. The beauty. The sunlight cascading onto the bay and mountains. The mountains and expanse of water that is present to the west of the picture. This brings back awesome memories of our time spent in San Fran with Sarala. It is also a great reminder of the awesomeness of God's creation.

I'm putting this out there because Crystal told me that my posts need to be positive. I agree...I've been irritated with people lately and I need to not let that frustration bleed into my blog. Again, this is mainly a way for me to put down my thoughts...which the negative stuff would be completely valid, but then...I want to be that "breath of fresh air" for people. It's a great, crazy time of year right now. There's no real reason to be negative about things. We're going to Montana at the end of this month and I'm pretty excited about that. It's been awhile since I've been home, and it should be good to see friends and family. Also, we'll be able to introduce Sarala to everyone. So, have a great day Wade Buckman...and everyone else!

Life's a Garden...Dig It...

Any Joe Dirt fans out there? Come on... ;) I've heard a lot of grumbling and negativity out there folks. I know this time of year can be rough...getting out of spring and into summer...also I hear ya school people. Let's focus on the good stuff though. Summer's almost here. I know that we may have to have inside recess due to rain...AGAIN, and that the day has been terrible, but you know what...tomorrow is a new day! I'm letting you know that you're not alone....

and I know it might seem...that the world is crumbling...but it's me and you dancing in the kitchen at 2 am and we're still alive...

Let Robbie Seay of the Robbie Seay Band paint a picture for you...

Is that Caedmon's I hear?

I love that Sarala loves music. She is a fan of Caedmon's Call...especially the songs "Volcanoland" and "Sarala." Any music with acoustic guitar gets her attention. Whenever I get my guitar out, she has to stop whatever she's doing and come "help" me. She then proceeds to "help" me play and sing. I love it. We also spend time listening to music while playing. Music is what gave us the idea for her name. It's also something that has graced my life...I wish the same for Sarala. The music playing creates moments where there is a need to dance...we're having so much fun that we have to dance to contain it. The video above illustrates this very thing...;)

Monday Morning...

Don't you wish we all started our weeks out like this? Sarala is just relaxing...watching some "Play with me Sesame." I need to get up earlier, then I'd have time to sit with her...drink some coffee, get ready for the day. Too often we're very rushed to get to school and work. Sarala usually just chills while Crystal and I are getting ready. It's a good start to a Monday though...only 9 and a 1/2 days of school left for the AV teachers out there. We're going to make it.

Happy Mother's Day...

I just wanted to say happy Mother's Day to mom. Also, happy Mother's Day to my wife, who is experiencing her second "day", but this one ends up being her first "day" because of Sarala's recent legal inclusion into our family...;)
Love ya...

A little D Webb and Sandra M

It's always nice to get away and listen to some good music. We went to STL last night and caught Derek Webb and Sandra McCracken at The Journey. This was Sarala's first concert experience. She did great...didn't know how she'd do. She didn't last though...fell asleep by the time Derek came on. The church is an old catholic church that The Journey has renovated and it is now one of their campuses. Very cool atmosphere. I took some pictures but I did it without the flash and they didn't turn out very good. I didn't want to be "that" guy with a big flash during the music. Here's some pictures along with a video of derek webb singing one of his songs:

Zoomed in...had Sarala in one arm and the camera in the other...

The church's atmosphere made this an intimate show...also it was nice to be there with a lot of d webb & sandra m fans...

Such a sweet baby...


Great song..."I Wanna Marry You All Over Again"

Thank God It's Friday...

I'm serious...thanks to God because it's Friday! I've never really used this term "TGIF" because I thought it was sort stupid...another acronym...in education we have so many.


Do you have your GLE's, DOK's, DIBELS, CORI's, PEAK's taken care of because DESE, NCLB, and AV R-II are watching? ;)

That aside, I guess I've also never felt so happy that it's Friday before either. It's been a tough week emotionally, spiritually, and physically even. It feels like I never did rest after the big San Fran trip. That led to me being tired all the time. I'd try and go to bed early, but things would come up or I'd just lay there thinking about things. The tiredness led me into the low points with my emotions and my relationship with God. I stopped reading my Bible for a time. Things are happening with my brother and mother. I just had to come back to the realization, and I say BACK because I keep repeating this...I can't really do anything.

I just need to "stop...collaborate and listen..." but seriously, I need to just stop. I'd try to fix things and it wouldn't work. I know this...but I keep trying anyway. I just needed to stop, sit, and be still. Doing that allowed God to give me peace about everything. I just need to trust Him. He's got things going for me...and I'll just trust that and try to be obedient.

The Roller Coaster...

God is pretty amazing. Life is pretty amazing. I felt as if life was droppin' bombs and now God is droppin' peace. I feel like I've gone through a bunch of emotions in the past few days. Mainly, I've been in a low point. Seems like a lot has gone wrong. My mom and brother are hurting...as am I. I haven't enjoyed my job. I haven't enjoyed my family. I've been tired. Notice, a lot of "I's" listed. The thing that is amazing though is I feel renewed. I'm still physically tired, but I feel renewed. The parts about me being vulnerable and actually asking for help is what calm things down. This can only happen because I stopped trying to fix things myself. That's what stuff like this does...causes me to realize "I CAN'T" but God can. I just need to ask. Also, His plans are far better than what I've got going on...so I'll trust that He knows best and I'll try and follow. Thanks for the prayers.

Thank you God for everything, the blessings, the fact that you take care of me and love me for me.

The interesting thing I've noticed is that this and my last post are just about 12 hours apart....

Droppin' Bombs...

I want to cuss. I wouldn't mind dropping some "bombs" since I had some dropped on me before school today. I'm very irritated and angry regarding my younger brother. He's stupid. I just learned that he has gotten a DUI and is in jail. Now, I didn't find out from anyone when it happened. Also, this isn't the first...it's his SECOND! What the HECK! Apparently it happened on April 28th. We were coming home from San Fran with a baby with our last name. A miraculous day for my own family, not so good for my other family. The only way I found out is that I got home from school yesterday and there was a message on the answering machine from the Yellowstone County Jail. Now, I'm thinking the worst...luckily it was only a DUI. This illustrates the relationship I have with my mom though...she didn't want me to find out. This is exactly why Crystal, Sarala, and I are staying in a hotel when we go to Montana soon. People think it's kinda weird that I don't stay with my own family, but a lot of people don't know my situation. I wouldn't do that to Sarala. I want her to not know the things I've come to know. Alcoholism, stupidness, co-dependency...etc. I've lost one brother to suicide...I'm going to lose my other to STUPID CRAP!

I'm tired...God...help me to deal with this the way I need to...not the way I WANT TO!

O Praise Him...

I don't know necessarily know why, but I love this song from the David Crowder Band. I loved it the first time I heard, and can still listen to it today and love it. It may go back to where I felt like I first felt the presence of God. Back in 2003, I was beginning to learn how to play praise music on my guitar. I stumbled upon the DCB. I then attended a Passion conference in St. Louis in the fall of 2003 that introduced me to the music of Chris Tomlin, the DCB, and the speaker Louie Giglio. Now, people aren't necessary to connect with God, but this is the first time I felt as if I were in God's presence. I can still feel the feelings, emotions.... Wow. It was pretty awesome to worship in a room with about 4,000 other people...everyone worshipping. From that point on, I've pursued a relationship with God and looked for His plan for my life. I'm thankful for where it has brought me since then (playing my guitar at MH, being a part of what God's doing...).

Thank you God for everything...

What happened...?

I've been to Sam A. Baker State Park a couple of times with second grade field trips. It's a very nice place. I still don't know who Sam was. I looked on the all-knowing internet and couldn't really find anything in my limited search, so I guess I'll find out another day.

The beauty of God's creation was very evident. The weather was sunny and in the 70's. We got a chance to take a hike, play, and check out some animals. It was a great reminder of why I love teaching. Kids can soak stuff up. This time of year can be rough because of testing, testing, and more testing. DIBELS benchmark, Terra Nova, getting in some grades, amongst others. It's time to focus on the good and beautiful.

I say this because I'm tired and really hate the type of teacher I am right now. I don't know where I lost my teaching ability, but I think it may be laying amongst the scraps of all the PAPER stuff I've got to keep up. Scores, numbers, stats are what we seem to focus on. Yes, they do give us an idea whether or not kids are learning, but we're pushing them pretty hard. It seems like all we do in my room is work, work, and more work. I'm always pushing them to get something done so we can move on. If we don't finish it, it pushes my plans back and then it's a matter of trying to keep moving forward while making sure I'm covering stuff I'm supposed to cover. Summer is almost here and I'm planning to come back next year refreshed, a better teacher. What happened to me? I almost don't enjoy my kids anymore. The Sam A Baker trip was a great break away from all that crap. We had a chance to have some fun. What happens to us...what happened to us in education?

Bring on the appetizers...

When you sit down to a meal, your primary concern should not be to feed your own face but to share the life of Jesus. So be sensitive and courteous to the others who are eating. Don't eat or say or do things that might interfere with the free exchange of love.
Romans 14:21

We eat out a lot. This holds true for a lot of people. It seems like we eat out an average of three times per week. Now, with inflation and the economy like it is...it's sometimes cheaper to eat out due to prices of eggs, milk...etc. Well, it's a good and bad thing.

It's probably not the best thing for my health. It's good though because we usually go out to eat with somebody, some family, or group. That's mainly the focus of our eating out anymore. We want to share life and one of the best ways to do this is around a table. Now, the above passage shows Paul lining out some things to help people cultivate good relationships. There are a lot food related things covered in Romans 14.

The breakfast, lunch, dinner tables are all great places to share Jesus. Some of my most memorable moments with friends involve sitting around a table, like at Perkins for example, at 2 am in the morning. My high school/college friends and I would end our nights after playing frisbee, watching movies, playing NES, Mariokart, playing music, whatever at Perkins. We would discuss life, what's next, girls, guys (if the girls were with us), movies, culture, chicken strips (quickly fried?), adam sandler movies, the plan for tomorrow, family, dreams, everything. We were so open and it was a blast to just hang and talk.

We'd eat our food, then continue talking until people started trickling out. At that point, we'd call it a night and would return the next night, or following weekend. Life was different then. Much simpler. We had stuff going on, but it didn't match some of the "adult" stuff that can come up. Why can't it be simple though? That's where I want to return. Not to that time of life, but to the ability to hang out with friends and family and to feel open enough to share struggles, celebrations, and whatever. Sharing Jesus around an appetizer sampler, mozzarella sticks, chicken strips, onion rings...it's all good. It's so simple!

Eating out can be a good thing...all food is good. Let's eat and share the life of Jesus.

Some additional "Seasoning"

Matthew 5:13-16 (Msg)
- The words of Jesus

Let me tell you why you are here. You're here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth. If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness? You've lost your usefulness and will end up in the garbage.

Here's another way to put it: You're here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We're going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don't think I'm going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I'm putting you on a light stand. Now that I've put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you'll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven.

Philippians 2:14-16 (Msg)
- The words of Paul

Do everything readily and cheerfully—no bickering, no second-guessing allowed! Go out into the world uncorrupted, a breath of fresh air in this squalid and polluted society. Provide people with a glimpse of good living and of the living God. Carry the light-giving Message into the night so I'll have good cause to be proud of you on the day that Christ returns. You'll be living proof that I didn't go to all this work for nothing.

I had some additional thoughts coming from these two passages. First, let's look at Jesus. He's laying down the purpose of a Christ follower. We are supposed to bring out the "God-colors" and "God-flavors" all around us. This is tough at times. Especially if the work day is rough, or if you're around people who look at things negatively. This is where we have to be the exception to the circumstances happening around us and be "light-bearers."

I love how Jesus says to be generous with our lives. It can be tiring to do this, especially when it comes to relationships. I have a problem with negative people due to their perspective and outlook on life. Some people can't seem to find the good that's happening all around them. This is where I get off track. I lose my focus because I get irritated. It's tough to say...you know what...I'm not going to worry about them. I admit that I too can be negative. This negativity just stirs things up and brings people down. That isn't what Jesus talks about.

Now, it must be a choice to keep a bigger perspective on things and to let some of the little stuff slide. My teacher side talking...Yes, kids can create chaos and disruption in the classroom, but as I teach I'm going to love 'em. I may be the only love, respect, safety, etc. that these kids encounter. I've got to make the choice to treat them respectfully, regardless of behavior or attitude. This is how I must treat everything else. I want to reflect God's love, mercy, grace...etc. as much as I can. People are beat up emotionally, spiritually, mentally...and even physically and we can be totally unaware. I need to be generous with my life...family, work, social lives....

Notice how both passages refer to light in darkness. The second passage from Paul is something that has been sticking with me during this busy time. I need to go about my day cheerfully and readily. No bickering. I try and use these things as filters as I go throughout my day. I find that I start heading the wrong direction ALOT and need redirection...but I guess that's why these passages have been constantly present in my thoughts.

Okay...go out into the world as a breath of fresh air. This is a way to battle the negativity that can come from circumstances and people. It seems like people can get stuck in a rut. I've been there. It's my job, duty, calling...to make sure that I'm a breath of fresh air to the circumstances and people that I come into direct contact with. The news in the morning is very negative. That stuff I can't change usually, and I shouldn't let it affect my attitude when it comes to people and circumstances. Therefore, I've stopped watching the morning news. This helps keep me positive as I begin my day. It also helps if the sun is shining ;)

My "usual suspects" in the classroom can be very negative. Co-workers can be negative as they are dealing with the same busyness at this point in the year. I need to remember that there is a bigger perspective present and that I must reflect the change that I say has happened in my life. Am I carrying a light-giving message into the night? Am I bringing out the God-colors/flavors out in my life?

God, thanks for everything. You've blessed me with so much. Continue to push me to be a breath of fresh air, seasoning with my life. Thanks for Sarala and the miracles you've done with her.

Wow, this ended up being a lot more than I thought it was going to be...off to bed.

Tiffany, this is for you...

The oldest car in the parking lot:


Well, I STILL drive a 1990 Toyota Camry. In fact, I drove it to church this morning. I refer to it as "ol' faithful." The thing is pretty amazing. It's as old or older than 2008's graduating senior class. I tell people that it does have power everything, moon-roof, and a bumpin' stereo system. Aside from those things, it gets me from A to B. I'll probably never drive it on the interstate again, but it's great to buzz around town in, go to work, occasionally cruise over to Fred-town to play music. The biggest problem I have with the car at times is that it is 18 years old. I have the ability to purchase a new car, but it feels like God is telling me "NO" right now. Every time I think about a new vehicle, it just doesn't feel right. So, it may be a lesson in using my resources for something God has in store, or it may be a lesson in humility. I don't know at this point. I just know that I'm still driving it and it goes. I'll be happy with that.

You're blessed when you're content with just who you are—no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought. - Matthew 5:5

I'm fine with the fact that it can be the oldest car in the parking lot. My Camry is not my identity. It's something that I'll drive until its time to get something else. Until then, the Camry will do the job...unless it decides to finally call it quits...which could be soon considering the subject of this post ;)

CONGRATULATIONS!

I just wanted to say "CONGRATULATIONS" to my wife for graduating with her AA from MAC on Saturday. I love you and am very proud of you:)

Finally...Some Time...

I finally had some time to mess around with the pictures that we took during our San Francisco trip. These pictures are actually in reverse order of when they happened. Oh well...here are some of them with brief captions:


The family in front of San Fran's City Hall...Sarala has had enough at this point...


This is right after the judge made us parents of Sarala...


Signing the official paperwork...


Sarala sportin' some shades...


Alcatraz...the "Rock"


"Clang, Clang, Clang goes the trolley..."


We seemed to only catch this cable car...which came from Milan, Italy...


A view from McCovey Cove...AT&T Park


The hustle and bustle of Chinatown


Some sea lions at Pier 39...Sarala sees them as "puppies"


An awesome view from Coit Tower


Coit Tower


This picture doesn't do justice to how STEEP this street is


Lombard Street, the "crookedest" street...people actually live here, imagine having this scene all the time in front of your house...


The Golden Gate Bridge


Sarala and mom

Sarala...holds her daddy's hand...

Sarala has just discovered the outside world. The grass, sticks, dirt, etc. It's comical to watch her explore these new things. We haven't let her outside much before this due to her health (asthma and allergies) and the fact that she has just started walking about a month ago. She loves it. Her and Montana get a kick out of both being outside together. Sarala's seen me throw the ball for Montana using a "chuck-it" or throwing her frisbee. It's awesome to see her want to do the same thing. She "throws" the ball, but it only lands in front of her. She loves it and cracks up. Therefore, I love it. She usually likes one of us to hold her hand, but since she's been able to walk, it's time to explore. She'll hold your hand, but then when she's ready to check something out, she'll take her other hand and push your hand off hers. This means she's growing up.

I'm happy to see her happy. It's amazing how much she affects me. I don't care though, I love the little girl very much. The times like these are what remind me to pay attention to the important things in life. Yes, I've got some deadlines falling on me pretty quick at work. Yes, I need to grade papers, do lesson plans, amongst other things. Those can wait though, until she goes to sleep. My nights may be later, but they're fuller. Thus, I'm tired...it's Friday, and I'm ready for the weekend. Last weekend we were in San Fran and I still haven't recovered. I'm choosing happy though...even though it's raining and we'll have inside recess today;)

Add a little "Seasoning"

Let me tell you why you are here. You're here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth. If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness? You've lost your usefulness and will end up in the garbage.

"Here's another way to put it: You're here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We're going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don't think I'm going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I'm putting you on a light stand. Now that I've put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you'll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven.
- Matthew 5:13-16

In Matthew, Jesus talks about being the "salt of the earth." Now, I admit that I had a hard time understanding exactly what this meant. Recently I've been getting into the Message/Remix Bible, which is a paraphrase. I look at myself as one who can usually study and figure stuff out if I don't understand it. The salt thing just never connected until I read the Message paraphrase. It basically lines out why we're here. I love the picture that these passages portray You're here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth. This happens in how our lives are lived. If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness?

Our lives are what will point people towards God. It's not about me. This reality keeps me headed in the right direction. There's a question that I try and stay conscience of: am I loving God and loving people? This has caused a change in my perspective when it comes to daily life. The aspects of my life that include work, family, and the social part have been drastically changed because of this. I need to reflect love as much as possible. It doesn't matter where I am or what I'm doing. The hardest part of all of this for me is the forgiveness deal. But then, I've got to remember how Christ has covered me and I am getting what I don't deserve.

Circumstances in life can get crazy. Life gets to me sometimes. I know I seem like I'm easy-going, which I usually am, but I can get tired and testy at times. That's when I say things I don't mean, things I wish I could take back, and do things that I regret. These are the times that I'm thankful for grace and the fact that God loves me regardless of myself. Now, it's a matter of me trying to keep open house; be generous with your lives. God has blessed me with so much. Why wouldn't I want to go public with this?