The Journey Thus Far...

What a journey this has been...life with Sarala. Getting word that Sarala was born and not wanted.



Praying...seeking...saying "yes" that we'll take her. Finding out about her condition...medical history. Praying/crying out to God through the grade 3 hemorrhage, hydrocephalus, prematurity (2.5 lbs), sickness, detox from meth. Getting word that she'd be leaving the hospital after 57 days in the NICU, going into a high-risk medical foster. Getting a chance to talk to the foster mother, hear Sarala crying in the background, receiving our second picture of Sarala ever...in addition to the picture above.


Getting word that she'd be coming to Missouri soon (February 08), and then finding she'd be coming in March 9th. Getting her room ready...diving to the airport with an empty car seat...seeing our baby for the first time.


Having her appointments at Children's to keep an eye on her reservoir...the decision to have surgery and take it out. Surgery, sickness and an ambulance ride up to Children's...getting older. Getting word that we could go out to San Francisco and officially adopt her in April of 08'.


She's officially a Buckman and is growing/developing beautifully. None of this would be possible without an awesome and good God. Now...Thanksgiving 08'. I'm thankful for a loving and good God...Sarala...my family...everything.


I look at this picture and it brings tears to my eyes...still. This picture will always have an effect on me due to the way God has come through in the life of this little girl. Sarala...now almost two and a half...is experiencing what we consider to be her first Thanksgiving/Christmas since she's old enough to talk about it...get excited about it...tell us about it. If you ask her about her Christmas tree, you'll get an immediate reply..."Don't touch it." I'm loving every minute of it ...and I'm thankful for the fact that I'm not coaching right now. I always knew how much time I spent away from the family when I was coaching basketball...practice...away games...traveling...tournaments. The time is now very noticeable since basketball season is in full swing.

Since we've got a couple days away from work, we decided to make a change that we knew had to be made. We have reached another milestone in the life of Sarala. She is no longer sleeping in her crib. She is no longer a little baby. What an amazing experience and journey this has been. Through the surgeries, hospital stays, normal baby illness things...God's hand in all of this is so visible...I'm thankful that Sarala has such an incredible story behind her.



Not only is this following passage from Psalms a reflection of Sarala...it's a reflection of all of us.

Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother's womb.
I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I'd even lived one day.
Psalm 139:13-16

We got a chance to see this live as we were beginning the journey with Sarala...it's an awesome reminder that God knows all about Sarala...


Laminin...

What Happens to Us?

What happens to us? Where do we lose the awe and wonder of the world around us? When do we start letting the opinions, feelings, and actions of others affect how we look at things?

Crystal said something about me...via Twitter...so I guess she really didn't say anything...but through her post she said something so profound. She basically said that I was myself today for the first time in a long time. Today was different...I was able to smile...laugh...encourage. Productivity happened in the past 48 hours that hasn't happened in months I'd say. School has been killing me lately...as those of you who are close to me already know. I've let it change how I perceive things though...and have grown a little cynical you might say.

The thought "I hate my job" and "I can't do this anymore" actually surfaced and became verbal. This doesn't make sense though because I love what I do and love that I'm blessed with the ability and opportunity to do something I love and get paid for it. Something was up with today though. Today was different...regardless of the fact I didn't get much sleep and was awake in the five o'clock hour. I think that had something to do with it though...the quiet...an opportunity to reconnect with a God who I've neglected.

Life-change is something that I don't get to see a whole lot of since I work with kids...little kids at that. I am just trying to be that loving figure in their lives...trying to impact them in a positive way. Through certain elements in the services at church this past weekend coupled with the local proximity of this type of church here in AV...I was in awe at what God has done...reminded who He is.

Our whole experience with Sarala has been such an amazing journey...one of faith, despair, hope, love, miracles...God. God moved so dramatically through her life and circumstances that everyone around her has been affected. They still are as they learn of her beginnings since she shows no signs of her early set-backs. Seeing the wonder in her eyes as she experiences life is something that I truly find joy in.

That brings me to my question...what happened? What causes the cynicism that affects how we look and interact with the world around us?

I found this G.I. Joe character...the Native American one...at Wal-Mart the other night. I had to buy it. The purchase reminded me of a time when I was a child that couldn't wait to get home from school to play outside...to play with my G.I. Joe's...especially if I had a new one in the mix. The anticipation...the wonder...especially around Christmas is something that I don't allow myself to get caught up in anymore. Why...I really don't have an answer. It seems like the pressures of life, work-life, home-life...providing...the current state of the world...things...whatever...occupy my mind more than the little things. The wonder and awe of a world created by a loving and good God is totally visible in the eyes of the small baby girl who I get to call daughter. The pictures above are amazing. The way God has taken care of this small child...I love that she has this story around her.

So, as I thought about this stuff I figured I'd get into my Bible a little and this is what came up....

God is magnificent; he can never be praised enough.
There are no boundaries to his greatness.
Generation after generation stands in awe of your work;
each one tells stories of your mighty acts.
Psalm 145:3-4

I love this...Generation after generation stands in awe of your work. I look at my life...Sarala's life...we are truly in awe of the work of God in the lives around us...our own...friends...family. There are so many stories. True life-change kills me...tears at my heart. Seeing what Jesus can do to someone keeps me going...gets me fired up.

Your kingdom is a kingdom eternal;
you never get voted out of office.
God always does what he says,
and is gracious in everything he does.
Psalm 145:13

I figured that this is a very timely verse...since we're looking for Change and all. Jesus is the only one capable of true...lasting...ultimate change.

Generous to a fault,
you lavish your favor on all creatures.
Everything God does is right—
the trademark on all his works is love.
God's there, listening for all who pray,
for all who pray and mean it.
Psalm 145:16-18

Yes...I admit I've felt this way about people, that God has been Generous to a fault. That's God though...not for me to worry about...and I am getting better about it. Also...it's all about meaning what you pray...not just talkin' the....prayer?

Yes....

So...I leave you with this. When times get crazy...when all you're thinking becomes negative towards people or circumstances...take some time (like getting up way early because you had to get to school early to finish something...;) and quiet your heart...mind. Listen. Sometimes we talk way too much...to people about people, to God about people...How about we just listen and go from there.

Here's a song from Andy Osenga which talks about the little things in life like...my tiny baby's breathing deeper every day...soon she'll leave her crib forever...I guess it's no coincidence that the title of this song is...you guessed it...Early in the Morning...yes!

Worship Set 11-23-08

Celebration - Kool and the Gang...that's right y'all
Yea God - Newsong
Happy Day - Tim Hughes
Never Let Go - Matt Redman
Mighty to Save - Hillsong
God of This City - Chris Tomlin
We Will Remember - Tommy Walker

The service elements included baptism, baptism video (117 in the past year), and card-board confession video during "Never Let Go." All in all...an amazing reminder of the life-change that occurs when we let Jesus in.

"So What Are You Dying From That's Keeping You From The Finals?"

There is this scene in the movie Dodgeball that has me laughing every time. I am happy to say that I've come through my first rough patch with the career. I realize that everything won't always go like I would like...I've got to work through those times. Those times are far and few between (what I've been told...and I agree...). I've been working six years now and this is the first time I've been to this point...letting my job drain me like never before. It's not time to quit though...not near enough to get me to quit. I love what I do...truly enjoy it. It's time to take in a little perspective and remember that I get to do what I love and get paid for it.

The scene here in Dodgeball has Lance Armstrong making Vince Vaughn's character feel like total crap for wanting to quit when the times are tough. I love the exchange here:

Lance Armstrong: Hey, aren't you Peter La Fleur?
Peter La Fleur: Lance Armstrong!
Lance Armstrong: Ya, that's me. But I'm a big fan of yours.
Peter La Fleur: Really?
Lance Armstrong: Ya, I've been watching the dodgeball tournament on the Ocho. ESPN 8. I just can't get enough of it. Good luck in the tournament. I'm really pulling for you against those jerks from Globo Gym. I think you better hurry up or you're gonna be late.
Peter La Fleur: Uh, actually I decided to quit... Lance.
Lance Armstrong: Quit? You know, once I was thinking of quitting when I was diagnosed with brain, lung and testicular cancer all at the same time. But with the love and support of my friends and family, I got back on the bike and won the Tour de France five times in a row. But I'm sure you have a good reason to quit. So what are you dying of that's keeping you from the finals?
Peter La Fleur: Right now it feels a little bit like... shame.
Lance Armstrong: Well, I guess if a person never quit when the going got tough, they wouldn't anything to regret for the rest of their life. Well good luck to you Peter. I'm sure this decision won't haunt you forever.

There it is..."I'm sure you have a good reason to quit...." Nothing like a little perspective from a movie like Dodgeball...gotta love it.

Pull Me Out...

But me he caught—reached all the way
from sky to sea; he pulled me out
Of that ocean of hate, that enemy chaos,
the void in which I was drowning.
They hit me when I was down,
but God stuck by me.
He stood me up on a wide-open field;
I stood there saved—surprised to be loved!
Psalm 18:16-19

I feel like I've been pulled through the proverbial "ringer". My job is draining me in ways it never has before. This worries me because my job...career...is something that I thought I would be doing for awhile. I'm only six years in and I don't know how much more I can take. Do I put too much pressure on myself? Yes...I've been known to do this to myself. I want and try to be the best. I can't sit back and just accept the status quo...if I can affect change...I'm going for it. I'm at a point though where it feels like I've done everything...researched...talked to others...sought advice from different people with different perspectives...changed what I do...asked for help. Can I keep going? I don't know. This is the first time I've come to this place. So...here I sit...Sarala reading on the bed...finishing a blog post.
The video here is something I put together not too long ago but had problems uploading it to blogger. I got it to work today...which fits well with my current state of mind/being. The photos come from the summer travels of 2008. The background song comes from Bebo Norman's self-titled album...Bebo Norman. The song is called Pull Me Out. This is essentially my prayer....

Good...

Have you ever asked anyone "What's up?" with them responding..."good." Well, that is "what's up"...good. Rather than sacrifice much needed rest to blog, which I've got some stuff in the works...it is time for sleep. A pretty good day...not too crazy...not to bland...good.

I planned on...

My plan this evening was simple. Hang with the fam...get some work done...bust out a blog...then to bed in the nine o'clock hour. It is just about ten o'clock and I'm sitting here listening to Sarala cry as she tries to fall asleep. She has a double ear infection and is not herself. I'm debating whether or not to stay home with her tomorrow...which I guess will be a game-time decision. It's amazing how I had all these things I wanted to get done tonight.... The small child needed me so that's what we did. We played a little, read, tried to eat some food, watched tv, gave her a bath, and talked on the phone with grandma.

Life tends to happen like this though...plans...then something comes up and the plans are non-existent or changed. As I watched Sarala listen to a story on the couch...I thought about how much I love this little girl. She has changed my life. My perspective, tolerance, patience, everything.... I would do anything for her.

As I finish up this post...she stops crying...almost. As I typed this...the crying came back...a jinx on my part I guess. So...here is to the blog...I'll get to you here as soon as I can. We've got lots to talk about. Alright...good night.

Worship set 11-16-08

The Time Has Come - Hillsong United
All Because of Jesus - Steve Fee
Sing to the King - Passion
You Are God Alone - Phillips, Craig, & Dean
Blessed Be The Name - Newsong

People Make Life Interesting...

Yes...people...they can really spice up life if it isn't already "spicy" enough for you ;). I don't really know what to say or how to say it. It's amazing how we...the people of the church..."the church"...christ-followers...disciples...can really throw a wrench in things.

I know people can have good intentions...I know I've had good intentions...but things don't always go down like we think because...people make their own choices and perceive things differently.

I've either thrown the wrench myself in the past or I've been on the receiving end of it (like the scene from Dodgeball...see below;)...both intentionally and unintentionally. I've learned so much from these experiences...or would hope I have...yet they reoccur. It especially kills me when people...relationships...lives are involved. So...that's where I am...trying to stay amidst what God's doing...trying to keep myself from saying something stupid...trying to take the next step, according to what God has got going on...trying to not focus on the talk floating around out there...yes...that's where I is!

"Throwin' a wrench..."

Keeping It Going...

So let's not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don't give up, or quit. Right now, therefore, every time we get the chance, let us work for the benefit of all, starting with the people closest to us in the community of faith.
Galatians 6:9

I'm tired. Fatigued would be a good way of describing it. Relationships can get messy. Developing and cultivating relationships can be hard work. This passage is essentially my current prayer. I will elaborate in my next post...because like I've previously stated...it's time to rest...bed....

Check This Out Along With The Previous Post...

Neue is previewing the "Nooma Tomato | 022 Rob Bell" in it's entirety until Wednesday.

Check it out here.

2 Pairs of Shoes for 5 Bucks...

I've already seen this "blogged" about on two of the blogs in my "blogroll"...I'm adding to the mix.



Alright guys and gals...this took me all of two minutes and 5 bucks. This is a blogging challenge...to donate 50,000 pairs of shoes in 50 days. Click here to donate. Then pass this on to everyone you know via e-mail, blog, facebook...social media. It's easy to spread the word by using these graphics on your blog, facebook, myspace...whateva. 5 bucks is something we call all handle. Here's where the idea started...blog on y'all!

Worship Set 11-09-08

You are the One - Lincoln Brewster
Filled With Your Glory - Starfield
Remain - Starfield
I Will Go - Starfield

It was an all acoustic morning...just vocals...a rhythm acoustic, lead acoustic, and a Djembe. It was quite awesome...toned-down yet amped-up if you know what I'm sayin'?!

Looking Ahead...

It's amazing how quickly time flies. It's already a week into November...we were shopping today and it was madness...lots of people already shopping for Christmas. It does make sense I guess...Christmas isn't too far ahead...but I usually don't think that far ahead. My plans this year are to enjoy the present...enjoy the moment.

This picture was taken about a month..maybe three weeks ago. I noticed today that almost all of the leaves are off the trees...so this picture today wouldn't look anything like this.

We returned home from our excursion to Fenton tonight and we watched some old videos, from last year, of Sarala. It's amazing how much she has grown in the past couple months. My thoughts about looking ahead...trying not to worry about what's coming stem from the realization that Sarala may have Cerebral Palsy. It is utterly amazing how far she has come...and Crystal and I always knew that we may have to deal with things as she gets older...but it's been an amazing year and a half. She is now two years and two months old. It looks like we'll be back to Children's Hospital in January sometime...to check her eyes...and to check CP. Does she have it bad? No...but she is stiff when she walks and has trouble running. I still praise God for everything He's done and I'm looking forward to what He can do with this new challenge. The words of Paul are once again refreshed in my mind...

Celebrate God all day, every day. I mean, revel in him! Make it as clear as you can to all you meet that you're on their side, working with them and not against them. Help them see that the Master is about to arrive. He could show up any minute!

Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.
Philippians 4:5-7

So...that's what we'll do
Celebrate God all day, every day.
and
Instead of worrying, pray.

Expectations...

That boy had the highest of expectations
And he heard that Jesus would fill him up
Maybe something got lost in the language
If this was full, then why bother?

This was not the way it looked on the billboard
Smiling family beaming down on the interstate

You know that we all try to blame someone
But our dreams won’t rise up from their sleep
And the reaching of the steeple felt like one more
Expensive ad for something cheap

This was not the way it looked on the billboard
Smiling family beaming down on the interstate

Dressed up nice for the congregation
Scared somebody’s gonna find him out
Through the din and the clatter of the hallelujahs
A stained glass Jesus sings

This was not the way it looked on the billboard
Smiling family beaming down on the interstate

Okay...I know...two posts in a row that are about songs. Songs that can come off offensive towards the church. Am I trying to be negative? No...I'm just talking...or blogging rather what I've been thinking about lately. There are a certain set of "expectations" that people bring with them to church. There is a look to it all...a facade if you will. Is "the reaching of the steeple just one more expensive ad for something cheap?"

I guess what I've been thinking about lately concerns the outside matching the inside. The church should reflect something. The people should reflect something. This something shouldn't ever be perfection because that will never happen. Usually it's just as bad inside the church as with the rest of the world. For some reason we, as Christ-followers, tend to separate the two...external and internal. There should be a sense of authenticity that comes from the church...the people. It's not that we shouldn't have nice buildings and great things going on inside...but it's so much more than that. Like the lyric says early on...

That boy had the highest of expectations
And he heard that Jesus would fill him up
Maybe something got lost in the language
If this was full, then why bother?

There's too much at stake for us to try and live up to the expectations of people. We'll fall short. Always. Why don't we try authenticity for a change...reality...honesty. Are things always fantastic? No...but with Jesus there comes a greater sense of purpose, peace, completeness. We were all designed for a life connected to God. Once we figure out that this is the case...accept it...and go for it...life can be pretty amazing.

It's up to people though...they have to make the choice. We can try and influence them through our facilities...ministries...programs...music...life-groups...whatever. Ultimately...the choice is personal. Authenticity. Simplicity.

This is what I'm so loving about the group of people I get together with on a weekly basis. Life-group has been an amazing experience. A group of different people...living life together...honestly...authentically. God is doing something amazing and awesome around and in Arcadia Valley. We, the people, can't get in the way of that. It's up to us to just live our lives loving God and loving people. This is much more effective than...

This was not the way it looked on the billboard
Smiling family beaming down on the interstate

Instead of a Show...

Jon Foreman - Instead of a Show

I hate all your show and pretense
The hypocrisy of your praise
The hypocrisy of your festivals
I hate all your show
Away with your noisy worship
Away with your noisy hymns
I stomp on my ears when you’re singing ‘em
I hate all your show
Instead let there be a flood of justice
An endless procession of righteous living, living
Instead let there be a flood of justice
Instead of a show
Your eyes are closed when you’re praying
You sing right along with the band
You shine up your shoes for services
There’s blood on your hands
You turned your back on the homeless
And the ones that don’t fit in your plan
Quit playing religion games
There’s blood on your hands
Instead let there be a flood of justice
An endless procession of righteous living, living
Instead let there be a flood of justice
Instead of a show
I hate all your show
Let’s argue this out
If your sins are blood red
Let’s argue this out
You’ll be one of the clouds
Let’s argue this out
Quit fooling around
Give love to the ones who can’t love at all
Give hope to the ones who got no hope at all
Stand up for the ones who can’t stand at all, all
I hate all your show
I hate all your show
I hate all your show
I hate all your show
Instead let there be a flood of justice
An endless procession of righteous living, living
Instead let there be a flood of justice
Instead of a show
I hate all your show

This is one of those songs that's pretty intense. Does it offend? It can. It can also remind us of the errors we make when trying to live the life of a Christ-follower. We have to remember that God wants more than a "show" from us. Our hearts...not our hollow prayers or external lives. When it comes down to it...Love God...Love Your Neighbor. The simplicity...profundity is amazing.

Many of us have lost our focus...people who are Christ-followers. The church...people...can get caught up in all of this "show"...neglecting our responsibilities, with the focus falling on things that God doesn't want, things he despises...meetings about things...the looks of things...appearance of buildings...appearances of unity where it's just a facade...and like the passage from Isaiah says below..."tearing people apart."

Real change can only be put into action if people choose to pursue justice...help those that can't help themselves...take care of the needs immediately around us. Christ-followers uniting under God...loving God...loving people...is where the focus should be.

I touched on this in my last post a little. We stand at a point in history where people are looking for change...and as a result the people of this country have elected a president who promises change. It's going to take more than a change of office to affect change in the United States...the world...our communities...the lives of people around us. It's going to take all of us working for change...to learn to do right...pursue justice...help each other. Only then can change truly occur. Love God and love your neighbor....

"Why this frenzy of sacrifices?"
God's asking.
"Don't you think I've had my fill of burnt sacrifices,
rams and plump grain-fed calves?
Don't you think I've had my fill
of blood from bulls, lambs, and goats?
When you come before me,
whoever gave you the idea of acting like this,
Running here and there, doing this and that—
all this sheer commotion in the place provided for worship?

"Quit your worship charades.
I can't stand your trivial religious games:
Monthly conferences, weekly Sabbaths, special meetings—
meetings, meetings, meetings—I can't stand one more!
Meetings for this, meetings for that. I hate them!
You've worn me out!
I'm sick of your religion, religion, religion,
while you go right on sinning.
When you put on your next prayer-performance,
I'll be looking the other way.
No matter how long or loud or often you pray,
I'll not be listening.
And do you know why? Because you've been tearing
people to pieces, and your hands are bloody.
Go home and wash up.
Clean up your act.
Sweep your lives clean of your evildoings
so I don't have to look at them any longer.
Say no to wrong.

Learn to do good.
Work for justice.
Help the down-and-out.
Stand up for the homeless.
Go to bat for the defenseless.
Isaiah 1:11-17 (Message)

Speaks For Itself...

http://www.patrickmoberg.com/

Missed Opportunities...

The ultimate question is, will we take a risk to put a face to the problems we give lip service to?
- Adam Smith, Relevant Magazine

Have you ever been annoyed when someone asks for your help? Maybe it's the inconvenience or the timing...like the end of a rough day at work. You may think...I don't want to deal with this right now.

The truth is though...we all have opportunities thrown in front of us daily that reflect this very thing...empathy from a distance vs. actually helping someone out. I'm afraid...even though I'd like to think I'd be ready to help someone out whenever and wherever...I have been annoyed. This may be where many of us would fall....

Two examples:
Crystal and I were coming back home from a Cardinal's game about two months ago and had to stop and get gas. We ended up doing some shopping at Dierberg's then off to QT we went. As I was filling up, Crystal went inside to get drinks. There was an older gentleman sitting in a vehicle on the other side of the pump. As I finished, he asked if I could help him out with his car. My first thoughts were...I've got another hour to drive, I'm tired.... I ended up saying yes and he told me what was up. He pulled in to get gas and his car wouldn't start back up. He look disheveled...with a elastic tie-down cable being used as a belt. I don't know a whole lot about cars but I figured I'd give it a shot. We checked stuff out...thought I'd try and give his car a jump. We tried it and nothing...nothing. At that point I didn't know what to say or do. I said "Sorry" and since we were at a QT...justified in my mind he'd be alright and off we went.

Now...since it was in Arnold I figured he'd be okay...but again...I assumed because...well...I was thinking about myself.

The other situation involves a family that I've been building a relationship with over the past month. It's been an incredible journey...but I admit there's been times when I've said out loud...Ahhhh, not now...not tonight. Terrible, I know...but yes...I was annoyed as the name came across the caller id. I even didn't answer once.

I've been thinking about this idea lately...of helping those in need. It's easier to write a check to a big organization, let others take care of the big things...like orphans in other countries or AIDS in Africa. What about the people who live immediately around us. Are we aware of the needs around us? Our own communities are filled with needs...and many of us go on with our days unaware or not wanting to be aware.

My challenge to you is...do you put a face to things you give lip service to? The new president isn't going to fix everything that's wrong with our country. Just think what could happen if people started to look out for one another...meet needs instead of waiting for the government or some organization to do it. If one family were to help out another...food...fixing something...just listening. Think about the CHANGE that would happen that way.

So...let's not focus on the missed opportunities...let's try to look for the opportunities that God places in our paths each day, and ACT.

A New Look...and Something to Think About...

The blog needed a change...some elements are the same...some new elements will be added. I needed a change since I've been working on a project at work that has bled into my home-life. I completed a HUGE chunk of it and can now return my attention to the stuff I see, hear, and think about as I walk throughout life everyday in the valley. For example...realizations I've had about relationships...people...issues...whatever. I'm looking forward to continuing my blog with the journey that I'm traveling. I want to make the direction of my posts more deliberate...intentional...to see/hear what people think.

So...to get us started...here you go:

Check this out

Under Construction...

Alright guys...my blog is under construction at the moment. I'm trying to give it a new look but won't be able to really mess with it until after Monday. I've been working on curriculum for the past day and a half...hopefully I'll finish tonight. That will give me tomorrow to type it all in...and there it is.... So, until Monday....