Hugs...!

I love this picture.

Crystal is actually the artist...Sarala added the hugs.

The hugs you say?

Yes...the hugs.

I have been gone a lot due to basketball.

I do get home by 7 at the latest...Sarala is usually heading to bed by 8.

She misses me.

I miss her.

I am actually home right now...blogging...she's sleeping in the other room...I miss her even though we're in the same house.

I am nearing the close of the season though...a couple more days.

Sarala and I usually spend time playing Play-Doh, drawing, coloring, and lately...using watercolor.

She wanted Crystal to draw Sarala and Daddy the other night, then Sarala added "hugs."

I love the hugs.

The hugs carry me.

What are those things that carry you through...keep you going?

indian...

When you hear the word indian, what comes to mind?

Pictures?

Words?

Braided Hair?

Flashbacks to history class?

Anything?

When I was a little kid...shame came to mind.

Shame?

Yes...shame.

Why?

I guess it would have to do with the cultural attitude where I grew up.

Indians were alcoholics...poor...dumb.

I had to work through so much crap to realize that these are stereotypes...I didn't have to let any of these things affect who I am, how I percieve myself.

What are your thoughts?

Nowadays my definition is starting to include much more of me than ever before...and I'm loving it.

"Are You Really an Indian?"

I think I get that question about once a week.

I got this on Friday as I was talking to some students...elementary students.

The funny thing is that this questions always comes at random times...which means these kids are thinking about it without any sort of prompt.

I do find it enjoyable to be in an environment where there is curiosity...where there are questions...interest.

Growing up in Montana as an Indian was a whole different experience.

I look back at the negative stereotypes...negative attitudes...racism.

Blatant racism.

Here...I don't find that.

I love my current role as an ambassador of sorts...having the ability to share my culture with those who are interested enough to ask.

Do I think about my indian-ness?

On occasion.

I find myself getting depressed if I watch any sort of historical show about natives on tv. I find it interesting...but then...the personal knowledge of how these events have affected my life are heartbreaking.

There is a stigma attached that has resulted in unnecessary insecurities...doubts...the way I look at myself.

I also get a lot of flack from indians....

A lot of people don't realize that aspect of it.

I...apparently...am not "indian" enough to call myself one.

Essentially I'm stuck...between two worlds.

A white world or...world of wasicu's...and the indians.

What makes an indian "indian" though?

I've never quite understood that.

I know I don't have long hair...I know I don't speak my language (not because I wouldn't want to)...but, why am I not "indian" enough?

What exactly are the qualifications?

I consider myself native...but only recently have I been able to reconcile that.

I've always struggled with it.

There have got to be more "indians" out there who are in my shoes.

When you were growing up...what did you hear about indians?
Did you happen to hear anything about indians?

The Hope Endeavor...

Coming soon...to a venue near you ;)

Setlist from the Tyler Garrish Benefit Concert:

Anthem for the Underdog - 12 Stones
Shine - Pillar (Collective Soul)
Mighty to Save - Seventh Day Slumber
Everybody Praise the Lord - Lincoln Brewster
My Glorious - Delirious
Came to My Rescue - Hillsong United
Take My Life - Jeremy Camp
Christmas/Sarajevo 12/24 (Instrumental) - Trans-Siberian Orchestra
God Almighty, None Compares - David Crowder* Band

Conversations...

The last conversation I had with my brother concerned this book.

It seemed like I was talking to him...then...days later...I got a phone call.

It's tough to think about, talk about...even now.

It's been a couple years now.

The only reason why I'm even bringing this up concerns the fact that I let a friend borrow this book...it never came back.

I ended up ordering another copy through some bookstore in Wyoming...as a Christmas present of sorts to myself.

The fact that I now have it in my possession again...haven't touched it.

Why?

I guess it's still too painful to delve into.

The hurt, though not as intense, is still present.

The questions...the unknowns...the what-ifs?

I figure he would've done what he did regardless of my being around or not.

The pain involved in getting my mental state to accept that I couldn't have done anything...only recently have I been able to reconcile this.

I regret not having more conversations...the balls to come out and share real life.

We hinted around at it. It seemed like we were heading that direction...but...never got there.

Never.

That's the thing...I don't if I'll ever get the chance...I've got various accounts of what preceded the events that took place.

The truth and reality is...I won't know.

Don't be afraid.

Have conversations.

Share life.

Love.

Act.

The Plan For Today...

Basketball happened...is happening...will happen.

Thus...didn't make time for blogging.

To keep myself in the groove of posting...here we go:

Tonight is the last home game of the season...8th grade night...this is it.

Tournaments...then I'm done with the 2009-2010 season.

Wow...so, here's the plan.

I hope to carry the adjectives that describe Dwight here into the rest of my day...tonight's game...into Friday.

I hope to be back tomorrow with another post...relevant to hopefully not just myself...and yes...to keep on keepin' on.

Time to finish strong y'all....

Small Child Wisdom...

Life can be busy...crazy...non-stop.

It call also be routine...monotonous.

This is usually when it seems like I'm wearing blinders. I'm only looking ahead at what's next.

The schedule.

Then...I hear some amazing little words from my baby girl.

Regardless of my schedule, routine, responsibilities...the end of my school day culminates in my being able to go and pick up the small child from preschool.

The photo above is a welcome sign that hangs just inside the doorway.

Sarala saw it and said "Look...Sarala and Daddy!"

I smiled, laughed...melted...and was reminded about the things that are truly important.

My guess is that it's the hair.

It has to be!

It's insane how much I let the routine...monotony of my day...affect my outlook on things.

I don't stop to look around here...take in the things around me.

This is where my daughter teaches me quite often...to stop...look around...and laugh, enjoy, smile...and ultimately...BE.

I'm so busy THINKING or DOING that I miss out on what's right in front of me...BEING.

So...what has reminded you lately to slow down, take a breath, and BE?

Trust...

Proverbs 3:5

Can God speak through ESPN?

I'm not saying anything either way...but....

I saw this tattooed on the arm of a basketball player for Oklahoma State University tonight.

For some reason it stuck out.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding.

At least...that's what I think I saw...pretty sure it's what I saw.

I don't know the context...don't know if that is even what was actually on the arm, but it sure looked like Proverbs 3:5.

After doing a Google search of the player's name...looking at images...I couldn't come to any sort of conclusion as to whether or not that is what the tattoo is.

It sure stuck out though....

I am currently trying to figure out how to go about doing something that I feel like I need to do.

I know that the above statement isn't the best sentence nor does it make a whole lot of sense...but as I head into these next couple days...talk to some people...hopefully I can let you in on what I'm thinking.

So...until then...I guess I'll do what Proverbs 3:5 says.

How about that for some confirmation...especially during a basketball game...where I wasn't fully engaged because I was thinking about the possibilities.

No more worry.

Act B...act!

"Take my cake-cake...!"

Sarala is always singing.

I would love for her to do something with music...not that I'm partial or anything. We've got all sorts of instruments around the house here...she seems to like the piano...although she has been talking about the violin. I love it.

Usually she sings things she's heard a lot of...but then she'll occasionally put her own spin on it...or she'll come up with something on her own.

Up until December 6th, the date of The Hope Endeavor's first show (which is the band I'm in), I listened to our set-list over and over. Three of the songs have really stuck with her: Collective Soul's Shine, Lincoln Brewster's Everybody Praise the Lord, and Jeremy Camp's Take My Life. If you click on the song titles...you'll be redirected to YouTube (some shameless self promotion).

Anyway, Sarala has been going around singing these songs, along with others.
Yesterday she was singing Take My Life, but substituted her own lyrics. Her lyrics went...Take my cake-cake, take my chocolate milk, take my life!

Now...cake-cake is cupcake. If you know Sarala, you are aware that cake-cake and chocolate milk are two things that are very important to her. If you ask her who she's singing to, her reply..."Jesus."

I love her heart. I love the story surrounding her. I love that God has such a handprint in how she was born...healed...how she came to live with us...the amazing blessings she has given us. We are always discussing how Jesus took care of her when she was in the hospital...then she'll completely rock our worlds when she says something like "Jesus is holding my hand Daddy", like she did one morning on our way to school.


My hope and prayer is that she'll never lose this as she grows older.

Are there any reminders in your life of God's grace? Faithfulness? Salvation?

Lala's Hat....

Crystal's dad saw this from the kitchen table. This is a hat that Sarala made at the STL Art Fair this past summer. Awesome hat.

Do you see anything unusual on the hat?

I actually had a better picture of this, but...accidentally deleted it off the camera before I downloaded the pics to my computer...so....

Acknowledge...Part 2

I find it amusing...and sad at the same time...that my last post was about procrastination...and lo...no post since then.

So...here we go.

Procrastination hasn't stifled my efforts concerning my usual responsibilities...school things, grading papers...which it usually does...but it has affected the posting to my blog.

It is all of 7 degrees outside...we've been out of school the past two days...all the reason I need to continue procrastinating. Right?

I figure...it's time to get back to a routine of contributing to the blog.

Since my last post...something awesome has occurred.

Sarala is now Sarala...according to her insurance card. She still went by her birth name whenever we visited any sort of doctor or pharmacy...even though the adoption has been final since April 2007. The speed of the paperwork has been incredibly slow. Everything concerning Sarala now says Sarala...which is pretty awesome. Another God-thing.

So...I leave you with this.

Has God blown your mind lately...and if so...how?