You Are Not Naked...

Friday, October 30, 2009

This is a link to a blog post from Jonathan Acuff and Stuff Christians Like

Funny...Satirical...Thought-Provoking....

#512. Thinking you’re naked.

Posted using ShareThis

The Hardest Part...

Thursday, October 29, 2009


Investigate my life, O God,
find out everything about me;
Cross-examine and test me,
get a clear picture of what I’m about
Psalm 139:23
Conflict

Confrontation

Confession

Honesty

Reality

Acknowledgment

Sin


These are words that pierce...hurt.

Hard words.

Scary words.

Necessary words.

The Current Rotation...


What are you listening to these days? New stuff? Old stuff?

Here are the albums that are in heavy rotation in my vehicle, on the iPod, and even one via vinyl:

Stockholm Syndrome - Derek Webb
The pic above was taken at Blueberry Hill where D Webb and the incomparable Josh Moore rocked it the other night. The album is a crazy departure from the old D Webb...a lot of synth...progressive...amazing.

Church Music - David Crowder* Band
This album, like the D Webb album, is another major departure from the usual for the DC*B. Like the description above...a lot of synth...progressive...amazing.

Hope Rising - Fee
More rockin' tunes for the Church in general. Soaring guitars...delay...awesome.

What have you been listening to lately?

Anything worth sharing...?

OMG...

Wednesday, October 28, 2009


We, the little babe and I, were watching The Neverending Story today (I know...awesome right?) and I skipped the part where Atreyu's horse got lost in the quicksand...you know you cried when that happened.

I turned it back to see Atreyu struggling in the mud...looking for the big turtle (I can't remember what the name or purpose was...especially since we didn't finish watching it due to Sarala's Halloween Party) and Sarala asked me what happened.

I told her that Atreyu had lost his horse in the mud.

Sarala then says:

He lost his horse!? Oh...my...gosh!


Love it!

The Journey Has Begun...

Tuesday, October 27, 2009


I am sitting here...winding down after driving home from the airport.

It has been an amazing evening and I'm glad that Crystal, Sarala, and I got to come along for the ride.

We helped some of our dear friends welcome their new baby boy into their family tonight. Another amazing adoption story.

I was honored to do video for it all and...out of respect for our friends...won't be posting pictures until I've given them the clips and photos I took. It was awesome to celebrate the arrival of a baby boy, from half a world away.

It was especially amazing since Crystal and I went through this ourselves....

I am crazy-happy for them...and am excited for the journey that saw its beginnings tonight.

Taken Back...

Monday, October 26, 2009

I am not a big fan of country music. Never have been...probably never will be. Now...I can listen to some...good music is good music.

There is a reason though...why I can't, notice how I didn't say don't...but can't listen to it(I can't like it as Sarala would say).

I was reminded today of why I don't...and can't...listen to it.

I was driving back from Fred-town and was wanting something different (I've basically had two albums in rotation in my vehicle, which are both fantastic albums by the way: DC*B's Church Music and Fee's Hope Rising).

I figured I would see what was playing on the radio. As usual...the stations were fuzzy...Z107-7...not in the mood for thePoint (a lot of the newer stuff sounds strikingly similar)...JoyFM...B104...the hit station out of cape.

There was one station though...that always comes through. We depend on it for news, weather, sports scores...and...kickin' country. Good ol' J98.

Since it was Sunday afternoon...the playlist was comprised of older stuff.

The music instantly took me back to when I was younger.

We would spend time on the rez...which is the reservation for those of you who haven't heard that before. Whenever we traveled that direction...northeastern MT...Ft. Peck...it felt as if you were stepping back in time...heading into isolation.

Now..the only station that come through up there played country music. I always made sure that I had my Walkman on me...remember those? Yes...but sometimes I would forget and...being a smaller child...usually didn't participate in conversation. What would I end up doing? Listening to the radio.

Mind you...again...it wasn't necessarily current stuff so it actually felt as if we stepped back in time...that we were disconnected from the modern world.

I was transported back to those days as I was driving on 72 back to AV.

I don't really miss those days....

Music...Smells...those are primarily the things that trigger memories for me.

How about you...anything triggered lately?

Some Sunday Night Thoughts...

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Lately, the reality of how my actions could match my thoughts...has been applied to the bigger picture....

Am I doing everything I could be doing?

Could my talents....experiences...identity help others?

Could they help to a greater degree?

Can I be doing more?


If my answer is yes...now the hard part....

Why aren't I doing these things?

I have to consider how my possibilities will affect Sarala...how they will affect my family. Though some of my thoughts place us in other parts of the country...I like it here. Sarala is growing up in an amazing community.

It's scary out there and something I try and not worry too much about...but...are my fears hindering some cool things that God has got going on?

I'm going to finish with this:

The journey thus far has been an amazing experience filled with joys, challenges...but ultimately God's presence being a constant...it will always be an amazing journey, irregardless of the twists, turns, bumps....

Right now though...the focus...tomorrow night...we get to celebrate the arrival of a beautiful baby boy with some dear friends of ours....

Action vs. Thinking....

Friday, October 23, 2009



I think about the type of dad I want to be...and I'm reassured that I am the type of dad I want to be because I act like the type of dad I want to be.

Almost confused myself...wait...what was I talking about?

Oh yes...being a dad...the type of dad I would like to be.

Thinking about being the type of dad vs. actually being that type of dad.

The picture above shows Lala and I...sitting in the chair in our living room. We spend time every night reading a book. I'll read it...then she reads to me. I love her retellings.

Lately the books have included classic children's songs: It's raining, it's pouring...Twinkle Twinkle Little Star...Itsy-Bitsy Spider...and...a selection from my wife's favorites (not really...she describes her disdain for this book on a daily basis)...The Gnome from Nome.

I think about these memories...we read every night...talk...and just enjoy each other's company. We try and do this as a family when we're all home at the same time. We eat dinner...at the dinner table together and talk about our day. Sarala tells us about her kids at the daycare (the kids in her room). It's quite entertaining. I love every minute of it.

These are things that I never experienced and I love that I get to provide them for my daughter.

Here's the thought: I want to be that type of dad...so...I am that type of dad.

So...this thought lingers: Do the things I think about coincide with my actions? If yes...then...YES! If not...then...I should act on it or stop worrying about it.

Now...don't hear what I'm not saying. I'm not saying that I'm the perfect dad...that I've got it all figured out...because I'm not and I don't. I am trying though...and there it is...not just thinking about it...trying...acting...doing....

Until next week....

What's Next...?

Thursday, October 22, 2009



How often do your thoughts match your actions?

I mean...how often do you think about doing something and actually follow through with it?

These questions are a reflection of my current journey...trying to figure out where the next turn may come...where it may lead...trying to not let trivial things detour the possible.

What does that mean exactly...? Well...again...I'm trying to figure that out.

I was a guest speaker recently at a college where I had an opportunity to share my experiences...the joys...challenges...of being a Native American in modern society.

It brought up a bunch of memories and experiences that I haven't thought about in a long time...which makes the life I lived, 23 years, before I moved here...seem like a completely, separate life.

Identity.

This is what it came down to...identity? Who am I and where do I fit? Where do I belong? I talked about not being accepted by white culture due to my Indian-ness...then not being accepted by Natives either due to my Apple Indian-ness.

So...where does that leave me? I guess it lands me in the middle. The middle has been a lonely place.

This reality has molded me...pushed me through life...into the person I am now. That is my identity. The two seemingly different...contrasting lives...are actually one in the same. This is who I am.

Now what? Are my thoughts complimentary to my actions...or are they in complete contrast?

I've decided to act...make my thoughts happen...and...

it's leading me to begin working on something that I've always thought about.

See...there it is. Lingering thoughts...what if...I should.

Well Wade...do it.

The next step...formulating a direction for putting my experiences into written language.

Yes...a book....



Until next time....

Jumping in...

Wednesday, October 21, 2009


I did it.

It happened.

I am finally putting some of my thoughts into words...then rearranging those words into coherent sentences.

Then...those sentences are put into paragraphs...a letter...and sent to the intended audience...and it has begun.

The picture above is from just outside Billings, MT...June 2009...on an early, early morning. Early enough that we would be driving on I-90...just before Lockwood...to be greeted with such a sight.

We were on our way back home...to Missouri...from a visit back home. Now, even though I'm originally from Billings...I won't necessarily call it home. My home now...the community in which I live, work, play...is home. My daughter knows it as home. Montana is...anymore...merely a vacation...and at one point...one which I didn't imagine I would come back to anytime soon.

I say this because we were leaving another incident...another bad memory...another incident involving family. So strong were these issues that we ended up leaving as early as we could the following day. We were actually supposed to leave the day before...the day of the incident...but were convinced to stay to see some cousins from out of town.

I was glad for that...but not glad for the events preceding. As I look back now...the words exchanged became a catalyst...something to cause me to act on my thoughts.

I have been dealing with things for a long time...seemingly alone. Various memories, experiences, and thoughts have surfaced from time to time...in mixed company...but more so just to get them out into the air...out into the open.

This last exchange between my brother and I...the seemingly silent, unaware response from my mother...have been a constant thought.

It's amazing how God works...in his own timing...which is quite perfect, compared to our own. I heard Donald Miller speak recently...and some of his words resonate within my mind...still.

He was talking about fatherhood...and the rampant fatherless-ness that is present in the United States. Being a father myself...growing up without a father...drew me to a phrase that went something like:

If you think you're the type of dad that takes your child fishing...and you don't take your child fishing...then...you're NOT the type of dad that takes your child fishing.
That was...is...huge for me. It spoke of the difference between thinking something and actually acting upon it. It was time for me to quit thinking about stuff...it's time for me to pull the crap that has polluted my thought-life for so long...out and to form coherent sentences that could lead to dialogue...healing.

So...this is where I am...right now...as I sit here and type. So far...I have had replies, which is far more that I expected at this point (my family doesn't communicate well...especially if conflict is involved). I will update...along the journey...insights gained from the process...and hopefully...the beginnings of a relationship on the mend.

Updated Playlist...

Sunday, October 18, 2009


Sarala's current playlist would include:

David Crowder* Band - How He Loves
Black Eyed Peas - Boom Boom Pow
The Beatles - Hello Goodbye
The Beatles - I Saw Her Standing There
Kings of Leon - Use Somebody
Lecrae - Jesus Muzik

The journey is littered with them...

Tuesday, October 13, 2009


Have you ever asked yourself "what if"?

What if....

There is so much that could come at the end of that question.

I'm at a point in my life where I would love to eliminate the need for this question...in reference to my life.

I've had too many of these scattered throughout my life...the journey thus far has been littered with them.

When I think about it...most of my what-if's were the result of fear. Fear of...well...instability. The unknown. Conflict. Failure.

As my journey now includes parenthood...being a father...it's vital that I don't pass this on to my daughter.

My journey has been a rough go you could say. My hope and prayer is that I could use my experiences to at least steer...guide...Lala in what I think could be the right direction.

She has such a fearless personality. She is also strong-willed. These are qualities that God himself gave her and...I don't want to squash them.

I sit here tonight thinking...wondering...dreaming. Decisions that I make about my next steps also affect Sarala. I want the best for her. God has some amazing things in store for her and I don't want to be a speed-bump along her journey.

I love the possibilities surrounding her journey...where it could take her if she's open...fearless. Now...I don't mean irresponsible...but my hope is that she would look to God for guidance...and it also wouldn't hurt if she were to ask what I thought about things.

So...what are some of your what-if's?

I realize there are things that are out of your control...but...which what-if's have resided in your thoughts?

One of mine:

What if my dad had survived cancer? Would I be a different person today if I grew up with my dad? (I lost him at 6 and grew up fatherless)

The Backyard...

Sunday, October 11, 2009




Just a couple pictures from a beautiful, Saturday in October....

"I Can't Like It...!"

Wednesday, October 7, 2009


Sarala has got this phrase she says anytime she doesn't like something or doesn't want to do something..."I Can't Like It!" Again...it's not that she doesn't like...she can't like it. I love it...and have adopted it for anything I try and debate, fight against...or just don't want to do.

Seriously...she's got a good point. I've been having a hard time lately when it comes to letting things bother me. It's been a great start to the school year and I love my job. It just seems that life-things tend to pop up from time to time and...the things that pop up are usually things that really irritate me. So...I've decided to adopt this "I Can't Like It!" philosophy. When I encounter things in my day that annoy me, rub me the wrong way..."I Can't Like It!" Again...it's not that I don't want to like it...I CAN'T LIKE IT! ;)

So...just a drop of wisdom on a rainy, RAINY Thursday night from a small child...who...by the way, is not drinking a small latte (as it may seem from the photo) but is actually enjoying some amazing chocolate milk courtesy of Bauhaus Kaffee....

The Journey...

Tuesday, October 6, 2009


I'm sitting here on a Tuesday night...the sound of the washing machine filling with water is causing me to continually think it's raining outside. I finished the first book I've read in over a year tonight...and it only took me three days to read it. I don't know quite what happened, or how it happened, but I stopped reading. Life, the Journey became too busy. What did I fill it with? I don't really know and it's embarrassing to say that I can't really think of anything substantial. It'd be awesome to say...I spent time in another country doing missions work...dug wells for people in Africa...but I was actually here...by my computer...not really doing much of anything.

The journey has derailed...so to speak. I'm a nerd sometimes...I know! I used to carry my camera around with me and take pictures whenever I found inspiration. That also stopped this past year. Just recently have I picked it back up, loaded it with my SD card, and kept it close. That's where this picture comes in.

This picture is currently my computer desktop. I love the illusion that the tracks create...you can't really see the end. I want my journey, my life to resemble this picture. Not the black and white part of it...the fact that the tracks lead somewhere...not sure exactly where...but somewhere. I need to get back to reading, taking pictures, blogging, and living life. It's sad to say that I've been going through the motions...the routine I've allowed myself to fall into.

Now, I'm not saying that this past year has been bad...there were some great times...but lasting memories? Not as many as I'd like to say. So...my plan is to continue down the path...stay focused on the journey...not to get caught up in the part I can't see down the road but what's going on around me...the here...the now.

So...I leave you with that...myself with that.