Listen, God! Please, pay attention! Can you make sense of these ramblings, my groans and cries? King-God, I need your help. Every morning you'll hear me at it again. Every morning I lay out the pieces of my life on your altar and watch for fire to descend.
Psalm 5:1-3
Well...where does one begin? It's been over a month since I've added anything of substance to the blog. It seems like my mind has been a mess...in terms of trying to keep blogging. Much of my mental state could probably be attributed to the fact that I am currently embedded in summer vacation. This is a state of life that I've been able to maintain...well...all my life. My student life and professional have both been directed by the schedule of the school year. Right now...nearing the end of July...I'm right smack in the middle of summer.
So...apparently this results in a lapse of my ability to think about the things going on in my life and around me. It's not that my mind becomes impaired...I just seem to settle into a groove that gets used to smooth...quiet...relaxing...vacation.
Life still happens though. The flow I've been in has been rocked. I'm trying to process and work through a change in the relationship with my immediate family as well as trying to effectively address a possible health concern with Sarala. I think I'm mourning.
I say this because the words of Jesus from Matthew 5:4 have been relentless in their resonance in my mind.
“You’re blessed when you feel you’ve lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you."
After my visit to MT this past June...I probably won't be going back. Yes...there it is. Something occurred that has solidified my stance concerning the relationship I have with my mother and younger brother. This is something I imagine I will revisit further as I reenter the world of blogging. Family is something I hold dear and I've been holding on...losing grip of my familial relationship with my mom and brother...without any help from my mom or brother's side of things...and am letting go.
Sarala is also having problems with her leg and/or foot. It could be Cerebral Palsy related...then again...it may not be. We've been back into doctor visits lately...Sarala had an X-ray to rule out some things...and we may be looking at an MRI. I guess the mourning factor with her concerns her...Sarala. She's healthy, happy, beautiful...so I don't fully understand yet how I could be mourning...but then again I begin to think of the future. I've had a glimpse of what Cerebral Palsy could do to Sarala and I don't like it. I don't want that for her.
So...this is where we are...the Buckman's. Working through how I need to approach my family (we haven't spoken since I was there in late June) and now Sarala's hurt leg/hip/foot/? Now...to continue watching things that have piled up in the DVR and to continue working through these things by reading...thinking...talking to God...talking to Crystal....
Until next time....
This picture is significant. Not only is Sarala growing into a beautiful young girl...no longer a baby, but she's wearing "big girl underwear." She's getting tall, talking so much, and is now in the midst of potty training. She's doing well and we're very proud of her.
Summer has officially begun at our house since Crystal and I are both off for the summer and yes...we're settling into the slow, amazing rhythm of summer.
I "disappeared" from technology during the month of May due to another school year coming to a close...always a busy time. There were also changes taking place that required prayer...thought...planning...time.
Here is a quick recap:
This is a video shown at the in-law's anniversary party last Friday night, April 24th, 2009.
Easter 07'
Easter 08'
Easter 09'
Easter 09'
All I gotta say...look at all that hair!
March 9th, 2007...Sarala came to Missouri on a plane. It was a surreal experience...preparing for her arrival, getting her room ready, heading to the airport with an empty car seat, taking a little baby into our arms that only had the clothes she was wearing and a blanket, toy...wow.
The picture above is Crystal and I holding Sarala for the first time...she looks so scared. The picture below is her in her car seat...changed into her pajamas after we signed off and were able to take her home with us. What a weird thing...head to the airport with an empty car seat...come home with a baby. 
It seemed like time slowed way down while we waited to get everything in order so we could adopt Sarala. Paperwork, home-visits, more paperwork...the state of Missouri working with the state of California...waiting, waiting...and yes...more waiting.
The way most of it worked required us doing things according to this crazy time-line. Deadlines...things that only could happen at certain times. Fingerprints for instance...who knew that fingerprints would/could be such an issue.
I remember Crystal and I having an appointment to get fingerprints done for a background check...scheduled for a week-day afternoon, right after school in Farmington. This was during basketball season so I asked my fellow coach if he would ride the bus with my team to Perryville, which is a hour and a half bus ride one way. I remember racing over there, then racing to Perryville to coach a basketball game...then I rode it back. Wow...what craziness.
I know that we were separated from Sarala for her time in the hospital for a reason...there is no way that I would've been able to leave her if I or Crystal were able to see her. The only knowledge about her came from an occasional discussion with her medical social worker.
Then came the day that Sarala was to be released from the NICU into a high-risk medical foster home. It was early November 2006. She was going to live with a nurse until she came to Missouri...which we were at the mercy of the paperwork and Missouri.
I remember Crystal talking to the foster mom...Laura...and being able to hear Sarala "goo", giggle, and cry in the background. Very weird but it brought tears to our eyes...it was our baby girl.
Then...miss Laura did something awesome...like the neurosurgeon...she sent us a picture of Sarala:
You could see the bald spot from her surgery. She's smiling though...which is amazing considering all that she had been through up to that point. This picture...in addition to the one we received from doctor...were HUGELY encouraging to us. God was doing an amazing work...in and through Sarala. I am changed because of that time...the work...the challenge.
Anyone who meets a testing challenge head-on and manages to stick it out is mighty fortunate. For such persons loyally in love with God, the reward is life and more life.The work that God was doing in me was renewing this love for God that grew my faith...prayer-life. I found myself spending a lot of time in the book of James.... Sarala...she was coming to live with us soon...our baby girl.
James 1:12
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