Our Journey Thus Far...

Different...

2011-05-02T21:35:00.006-05:00

The world seems like such a different place since last night...

since the "news"...

but then again,

is it?

I say this because things...

events...

have been in motion regardless of my knowledge or awareness.

It's time to stay focused.

I've got some projects in the works that will get a little help...I hope...from this blog.

One of these projects is the Backpack Impact program.

I also need to get back into a regular habit of posting to the blog...a routine.

This is my 1st foray back into the blog.

Tomorrow...time to elaborate on the mission and background of Backpack Impact.

Oh blog...how I've neglected thee...

2011-03-28T21:02:00.003-05:00

In all seriousness...totally didn't mean to neglect you for....

What?!

It's been almost a year?!

And what is this...Goonies?!

Well...it's almost time for my return to the blog....

Updates of the journey thus far,

the happenings in the journey,

the past 10 months.

The journey continues to be amazing and beautiful.

A "re-boot" of sorts in the works,

so...

Stay tuned...!

"Look! He Walks Again...!"

2010-06-25T22:54:00.002-05:00

Sarala says...

"Look! He walks again...!"

Now...I guess I should provide a little back-story.

We were in the parking lot of an Old Navy.

As it were...I was rockin' my standard flip-flips, which are always a necessity to those of you that know me.

I had just gotten Sarala out of the car...took one step...

and...

the stupid flip-flop broke...

and...

the total weight of me went into my big toe, which then went straight into the asphalt.

Now, I would've included a photo but the graphic content may be a little much.

As a result,

a layer of the front of my toe was essentially scraped back, or actually to the side...

and the impending weight resulted, in...I hope...a jammed toe.

It looks pretty rough though.

To come back to Sarala's comment...Crystal and Sarala went inside to purchase me some new flip-flops while I tended to my toe with the first-aid kit..

As I slip on the new flip-flops and take a step...

Sarala, dramatically says...

"Look! He walks again...!"

I love the intensity...the concern...but ultimately...

her outlook on things.

It helped return me to Earth...reality...

that my toe is just a toe...

and yes...

I can still walk.

So...

2010-06-23T22:04:00.004-05:00

Alright.

It's time to get back to the blog.

I've spent a lot of time lately thinking about the blog...

not wanting to check it because I know I've been neglecting it.

But...

it's time.

It has been a month since my last post.

Here's a quick look at what I was up to during my absence from the blog:

The last month has seen the end of another school year.
I spent 7 days teaching summer school.
Held some open gym time for the b-ball time...in preparation for a shoot-out.
Took the team to Potosi to play in a shoot-out, where we actually ended up winning all of our games.
Spent a lot of time learning lyrics/songs for a benefit for a friend of ours
The Hope Endeavor rocked it out at Bobby Powell's and, thanks be to God, raised some funds for our friend.

Fast-forward a couple days....

Now I'm sitting on the couch, watching Chopped as I type, and

respite.

So...as I continue to watch TV and relax...I leave you with some photos from the Night of Hope: Benefit for Ray Jones with musical guests The Hope Endeavor.

Here we are in the green room with Ray (standing to my left)

Something I found in the hallway...

2010-05-17T21:33:00.000-05:00

Pilfer.

If you're ever worried about pilfering...

there's something for that.

What's Up With Ray?

2010-05-16T20:30:00.004-05:00

So...there is this new blog I follow...

found at

What's Up With Ray?

Ray is a friend of mine who is facing some major health problems.

Here he is playing drums for me last Spring for an anniversary party we threw for my in-laws. We rocked it out playing some Beatles songs.

He was only able, physically, to play music with me one more time...about a month after this photo was taken.

His health problems include a bleeding disorder and liver disease.

As a result, he is in need of a liver transplant. Only this past Thursday was he officially put on the active list...which means it's close.

He's only 25 years old, with a family of his own.

His son is a little younger than Sarala at 2 and a 1/2.

I am blown away by how Ray has dealt with the circumstances surrounding the health challenges he faces each day.

I ask that you join me in praying for Ray...

for his family.

Again, you can follow along with Ray at the address above.

Some Things I Like...

2010-05-12T22:00:00.003-05:00

TV Show
Community

Product
Pilfer-Proof Tape

Book
Pudd'nhead Wilson

Music
Andrew Osenga

Alright y'all...

summer is nigh.

Andy O House Show...

2010-04-11T21:25:00.006-05:00

Well...the Buckman's are hosting an Evening of Stories and Songs with Andrew Osenga at 7pm on Tuesday, April 20th. This will be a house show in Arcadia, MO. We have reached our limit on seating, but if you are interested in being placed on a waiting list in case someone cancels, we ask that you comment, leave an e-mail address, and we will let you know if space opens up.

Where I've been...

2010-04-07T21:54:00.005-05:00

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
John 10:10

This is where I've been lately.

I'll explain.

It has been awhile since my last blog post.

I have been unfocused...

wrestling with doubt...

anger...

apathy....

Things from my past...

letting myself get overwhelmed...

and letting the time I spent with God get replaced with other things...

convenience...

work...

even playing guitar....

The part about playing the guitar has been especially tough to acknowledge...

especially since a lot of my guitar playing has happened in response to God through worship.

What happened?

Slowly...

subtly...

the joy...

hope...

dreams...

and relationship I had with God were ebbing away.

I found myself letting my everyday become mundane...

letting the amazing things that God has done through Sarala become distant memories...

and I didn't talk to God anymore.

Which brings me to the second part of John 10:10.

I was reminded lately that God is a God of restoration...

hope...

peace...

and grace.

I had to remember to just be.

I was too busy doing.

The things I was doing were good things...

but even good things can get in the way of seeking God.

I had to remember the things I once knew:

to be a child of the Father...

to be a husband to Crystal...

to be a father to Sarala...

and...

to just be.

So...

this is where I've been.

It seems like I had to refocus...

and as a result...

everything else has begun to fall back into place.

Trust in the truth of the passage above....

The words of Jesus....

Circles...!

2010-03-31T22:31:00.004-05:00

Sarala is finally drawing circles!

This last week or so has been killing me.

Cerebral Palsy.

It's something that I haven't really thought about in awhile.

Two things have really forced it back into the forefront of my mind...one of those things being...

Circles.

Sarala is finally able to draw circles.

This is a major celebration in the Buckman family.

She's had a delay in her fine motor...which has resulted in her not doing things like drawing...coloring...age-appropriately.

You don't see it until there's something to reference it to...

like other children.

It's not something I consciously do...

but it's something that I don't want Sarala to have to deal with later on...

once she enters school...

which will be real tough on me since she'll be in my building.

Okay...back to the present.

The amazing thing about this picture...

it was delivered by Sarala's occupational therapist while I was in my classroom...

lost in my thoughts.

I say lost because it seems that I've been struggling with letting discouraging words gain ground...the tendency to overwhelm myself grows...

and then...

I hear a "Mr. Buckman?"

I look up...

see the picture...

and see something amazing...

beauty.

It's a picture of me...

Sarala's daddy.

I find beauty...peace in this picture.

God has done some amazing things in and through Sarala...

He's not finished yet.

He's got her handled.

Why am I letting myself bear the burden of worry...

when He's already done so much....

And I know He's not finished.

I noticed that I even have the spiky hair...

or as Sarala calls it...

tall hair.

I love it...

just another amazing reminder of God's grace...

mercy...

love....

And yes...the poster below hangs just inside the entryway at her preschool.

Every time she sees it, she says

"Look...Sarala and Daddy!"

Again...it must be the tall hair.

Look for what God's doing all around you...

you'll find glimpses in places where you least expect it.

A Challenge...to myself

2010-03-29T00:03:00.000-05:00

...we beg you, please don’t squander one bit of this marvelous life God has given us. 2 Corinthians 6:1

If someone were to read a chapter from a book about your life...

would it be worth reading?

Would it be enough to keep them reading?

To see what happens next?

I've been thinking about my own life in terms of this question.

Thanks to Donald Miller's A Million Miles In A Thousand Years (pick it up if you're looking for a great read) and the word's of Paul...

I've been looking at my life through a different lens.

Some words of Paul:

So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.
Romans 12:1-2

Am I doing everything that I need to be doing?

Now...

notice how I didn't ask "Am I doing everything I could be doing?"

because...

I think we've really got to be careful about that one.

We can't do everything.

We shouldn't do everything.

A lot of people get sucked into doing a ton of good things...

but...

that's it...

there's no time to do anything great.

Right now...as I type...I'm wrestling with some things that I feel I need to do.

I've got some things going...

in early stages...

that could be amazing for the community in which I live.

The scary thing is...

they're BIG things.

Great things.

And this is where I'm struggling.

Fighting off discouragement...

the tendency to overwhelm myself....

So...I leave you...and myself with this:

It is time....

Go for it.

Trust.

Risk.

Don't squander this amazing life you've been given.

Use your everyday life...and place it before God as an offering.

Man...look at all those verbs! ;)

Now...to get some rest.

Stop thinking about it...

2010-03-22T14:04:00.003-05:00

Do you ever dream about doing something amazing...?

It's one thing to dream...

but another to act upon that dream.

I think about how often I get fired up about something...

and then...

nothing.

Why?

Fear?

Apathy?

Logic?

It could be one or a combination of all three...plus a whole lot more.

I overthink things.

I then let the what-ifs and unknowns in.

Then...the dream is extinguished.

This is where I currently find myself.

Ready to move from the dream to action.

Action...

doing...

going for it.

It's scary.

The unknowns.

The what-ifs.

So...

The plan is to NOT overthink things.

The plan is to NOT let the what-ifs and unknowns gain any ground.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately...

as I prepare to embark upon a journey that is a result of turning a dream into action.

I also just watched the movie UP again with the small child...

and figure...

if Carl Fredrickson can live an amazingly full life (all portrayed within the few opening minutes, without dialogue)...

and then take it to the next level by flying his house to Paradise Falls...

why can't I?

So...

I'm going to leave myself with this:

Live full lives, full in the fullness of God. God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams!
Ephesians 3:19-20

That Colbert....

2010-03-21T21:20:00.002-05:00

Glenn Beck Attacks Social Justice - James Martin

The Colbert Report

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

www.colbertnation.com

Colbert Report Full Episodes

Political Humor

Health Care reform

One of "those" books...

2010-03-17T00:03:00.001-05:00

What was the last book you read?

Thinking back to the last couple books you've read...

are there any that have rocked your world...

changed your perspective?

Every now and then I have a book do that...

a term I hear people use to describe such an experience is

wreck.

"Man...that book really wrecked me."

Wrecked...a good thing.

I think back to the last book that wrecked my perspective...

and then to the things that have happened as a result...

and I'm glad that I encountered those words...

pages...

stories...

the stuff that inspires us to do some of those things...

do...

be...

live.

The book I'm referring to is

A Million Miles in a Thousand Years

by Donald Miller.

If you're looking for a great read...I highly recommend it.

Anyway...the book is about Don.

He is approached by two movie producers that want to make a movie out of his memoir, Blue Like Jazz.

The process of editing his memoir-life into something that would make for an engaging narrative for screen causes him to apply the same edits to his real-life.

Thus...an amazing story...

an example that a life can be rescued from the everyday...

mundane...

and can be directed towards a journey wrought with amazing.

So...how did this affect me?

The book came out in the fall of 2009.

I remember ordering it from a local bookstore in Farmington...

and being really annoyed when it didn't come in on time.

We were in STL a few days after the release and I found it at a Borders.

It was a read that happened in four days. It could've happened quicker, but it was also a busy time with school...basketball...life.

Immediately after I read the thing, I wanted to make some changes.

To make a better story for the life of Wade Buckman.

So...here are some things that actually changed:

1) Started a band...played a benefit for a student with leukemia =

amazing experience, blessed to have been able to help...

looking to do some more with The Hope Endeavor...

Above photo is an awesome reminder of people coming together to help out a family in need.

2) Launching a project to help meet a need in my local community =

a project that I'm the final stages of launching, will make all you of privy to here in the next couple of weeks, since I plan to use the blog and twitter to spread the word

3) Hosting a singer/songwriter houseshow =

also something that I will make privy to those that it applies to in the near future...looks to be awesome

4) Enjoying the everyday experiences of life =

being a husband and father...nothing like it

5) Looking ahead =

starting to dream big about some things...looking into getting some things rolling

6) Losing weight/eating better =

get healthy

I plan to get into these a little more in future posts...

so...

here's to living a better story....

Do you have any examples of positives that have come as a result of your reading of a book?

If so...please share (book/what happened, is happening)....

As an added bonus...Don embarked on a book tour and I got to hear him speak...which has further encouraged me to write a better story for Wade....

"Someday...when my life has passed me by..."

2010-03-16T00:03:00.003-05:00

We were driving home last night from the Lou and it seemed like my iPod had time-traveled back to the late 90's...early 00's.

I say this because the shuffle feature took us back in time, which in turn caused me to deliberately seek some stuff out that I hadn't heard in awhile.

Such a spread...Beastie Boys, Blink 182, Vertical Horizon (remember them?), Our Lady Peace, Jimmy Eat World, Nine Days ("This is the story of a girl..."), Less Than Jake, Creed, Pete Yorn, Semisonic, Sugar Ray (seriously? Yes...seriously), The Wallflowers, Third Eye Blind, 311, Temple of the Dog (I'm goin' Hungryyyy......!), Pearl Jam (who were just on SNL by the way), Toad the Wet Sprocket...etc.

I understand that my iPod contains a veritable time-capsule of popular stuff from the late 90's to early 00's (the college years)...even some pop stuff that evokes the senses and feelings of that amazing era of life.

And for those Montanan's out there...the Clinton's!

So...Sugar Ray's Someday comes on and I'm immediately whisked away to the California Coast...the summer of 99'.

Some friends and I had an amazing road trip that took us out to CA...which was an amazing experience considering we were all from MT.

We were driving along Highway 1, heading to the next beach...the windows down...the breeze off of the Pacific...sun...amazing.

So...here's the challenge:

Name a song that, when heard, triggers your brain to feel/see/sense a specific time/place.

Enjoying a "Smooth"

2010-03-15T00:03:00.002-05:00

My days since the last post to the blog have been filled with this sort of stuff. Hanging out with my girls...enjoying the time together.

Here...Sarala and I are enjoying a strawberry + banana smooth.

Yes...

Sarala refers to smoothies as smooths.

She loves smooths.

I love smooths.

Together...we love us some smooths.

This is pretty much how life in the Buckman house goes...hanging out....

I was able to experience my first full weekend home these past two days...

without any guitar...

without any basketball....

Not saying anything about guitar and basketball being bad...it's pretty much all I do outside of school....

It was quite awesome to hang at home for a weekend.

It is amazing to watch your daughter play with a toy dollhouse and giggle...

talk...

sing....

The simplicity of joy.

She was immersed in the moment.

We can all learn so much from this small child.

Enjoying every bit of the moment.

Each of us have moments all throughout our days.

Why can't we get lost in moments?

So...this is the plan...the challenge:

To acknowledge and enjoy at least one moment during my day.

It can be at work, home...wherever.

The goal is to acknowledge and just enjoy the joy from those moments.

For example...

enjoying a nice warm sandwich for dinner and enjoying the moment eating some awesomeness (St. Louis Bread Co) with my significant other (Something I experienced this evening)

watching some AFV with the small child and belly-laughing because of the awesomeness displayed (some of that stuff is just universally funny)

listening to some fantastic singer/songwriter tunes (Andrew Osenga has been in heavy rotation lately)

sitting around with some friends...dreaming big things

playing Settlers of Cataan, which, by the way, is an addicting board game

and...of course

enjoying a smooth.

Try it...

see what happens!

If nothing else...blend up a smooth.

"How About Whole Foods?" I Asked....

2010-02-24T00:03:00.001-06:00

We were in Chicago two summers ago when Sarala was almost 2.

Sarala slept in the far backseat of the vehicle as we drove around...trying to figure out where we would eat.

The question, as a joke...as we drove past a Whole Foods was:

"What about Whole Foods?"

Sarala was sleeping in the very backseat of the vehicle at the time.

Hadn't made a sound.

At the sound of me saying Whole Foods...she says

"Booooooo!"

Hilarious...

and then I made the comment that we're definitely not hitting up Whole Foods with Sarala.

Fast-forward to this past weekend....

We find ourselves at Whole Foods with Sarala.

As we were inside Sarala proceeds to say

"I don't like this place."

Sarala...apparently has this inherent dislike of Whole Foods.

Her partiality may lie with Trader Joe's...as does mine.

Who doesn't love a place with small-child carts...like TJ's?

"I Have To...!"

2010-02-23T00:03:00.002-06:00

This was Sarala's first experience with Spumoni.

If you're not familiar with Spumoni...

think of it as a really fancy, Italian ice cream.

It has the neopolitan look but has layers.

Awesomeness is what I say.

Anyway...Sarala was bringing herself to the brink of a brainfreeze while eating Spumoni this past weekend.

I told her that she didn't have to finish and her reply was...

"I HAVE TO...!"

She was all about it.

Is there anything you attack with the voraciousness of Sarala eating Spumoni?

Um yeah...me either.... ;)

Lost weight...now let's eat!

2010-02-22T00:03:00.001-06:00

I have to share some awesomeness with you.

Due to the abundance of quality food in our household...

all due to Crystal...

I am 14 lbs lighter than I was when February started!

That's right...

14 lbs.

That's the equivalent of a small baby child...

3 chihuahua's...

or a very large...Garfield-like...cat.

Then...what does one do to celebrate such a feat!?

Go to The Cheesecake Factory...of course!

Seriously...

it was the first meal we had eaten out in a long time...and I actually got something fairly decent...

nothing fried.

Regardless...the food was amazing.

Then...we had to share a slice of Oreo Cheesecake...a splurge/reward for the discipline maintained over the past couple weeks.

I'm good now...it was amazing...but I thought I may not make it later that night.

Sarala is much better at naturally eating well.

It's like she's got this inherent knowledge of what's good for her...

and that's what she usually eats.

Take this plate for example.

She ordered some chicken strips...

took the dipping sauces off the plate because they're "Ewww!"

and then proceeded to strip the strips of their breading.

Also...she's not much of a fry-eater so...we made a face using the discarded sauces and a fry.

Here's to eating better...

on into March...and beyond!

Things I'm Likin' Right Now...

2010-02-17T22:22:00.001-06:00

1) Dierbergs
One of the things I miss about living in the city. I know we're not far away...but there's something about having the selection that a place like Dierbergs provides within minutes.

The variety...

the quality...

the awesome.

And...if you don't know what I'm talking about...Dierbergs is an awesome grocery store.

2) Half-Pipe Snowboarding

What is more exciting than seeing massive air, big tricks, passion...with commentators saying things like McTwist, Sketchy, the eye of the tiger, Finnish Mafia, Double Cork....

3) The tv show Chopped on food network

How intense is this show? The smack talk...the ability to come up with something when you're given a fish, chocolate, endive, and graham crackers...seriously?

4) 30 Rock

I love that Al Gore has a sense of humor...and...this show is hilarious if you haven't seen it.

5) A favorite SNL Skit - Blizzard Man

"Replace me? T-Pain?"

What are some of your current favorites? Music...places...food...shows...whatever.

She Knew....

2010-02-16T20:13:00.004-06:00

This is a pic of Sarala with her horse on a stick...

from our last trip to Children's Eye Center.

The news we brought home with us that day involved surgery.

Though it was to be an outpatient procedure...Sarala has had a couple surgeries and we would love for her to not have to endure any more...if it were all up to us.

We didn't know what to expect...we just knew that she was having a lot of trouble seeing things up close and Sarala's therapist suggested we get her eyes checked.

We were told that Sarala had exotropia of the right eye.

Strabismus...which is basically a lazy eye...was caused by her retinopathy of prematurity (which premature babies can have) and cerebral palsy.

These were just some of the complications that Sarala contended with as a small babe...born 3 months premature...2.5 lbs...amazingly sick.

We risked vision impairment if we didn't act.

Her brain would get tired of keeping her eye straight and it would eventually drift, which would affect her vision adversely.

This seemed like a fairly simple option...but again...we weren't too excited about our baby being put under.

Going back to the last post...because of this reality...we had always assumed that something could come up along the way.

And...we made the decision that we wouldn't worry about it...

let God take care of her...

and take things as they came along.

Today was a different story.

Sarala's pediatrician didn't feel like they got the whole picture...so he questioned...and as one we completely trust...figured we should get her reassessed.

This time a specialist who works with strabismus and the like examined her eyes.

It was awesome to watch Sarala do so well.

Then...he didn't see any of the things that showed up during our last visit...

so...

surgery cancelled...

we'll be back in four months just to make sure...

but he couldn't find anything wrong with her eye.

Amazing...truly amazing.

As a friend put it...another miracle for our miracle baby....

And...

to make it even better...

Sarala seemed to know.

She was worried about it all day...

cried most of the way up.

As soon as she saw the doctor though...she wanted to give him a hug and went right in.

Then...her eyes were checked and nothing showed up.

Sarala was a different kid the rest of the trip.

God is taking care of our baby...His baby....

Perspective...

2010-02-15T00:03:00.001-06:00

We were watching the finals of the men's moguls and a Canadian won gold.

Their first gold on home soil...

then there was some backstory....

I really wasn't paying close attention to the pre-run stuff...

I was pretty excited about the Montanan in place to win a medal...

but remember the commentators saying something about Alexandre Bilodeau...

wanting to dedicate his run to his brother.

Turns out his brother has cerebral palsy...is in a wheelchair, can walk some...but skis.

Alexandre talked about his brother being an inspiration for him...that he doesn't complain...

even though, according to Alexandre, he has every right to.

Sarala had been put to bed...and even though it is Valentine's Day and all...I figured I would take the pics off my phone and download to the computer.

I hadn't pulled any of the pictures I've received via text...figured it was time to put them on the computer.

Crystal had sent a pic by text that I had forgotten all about...

a simple picture...

but one that brought back a storm of emotion.

This is an amazing picture.

Simple...yet beautiful.

Full of joy...

a small child that looks for joy in everything she encounters.

This was taken last Spring...right after another visit to Children's.

This is when Sarala was first diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy.

We had left Children's...

had some lunch at Blueberry Hill...

and Sarala wanted to see the penguins at the zoo.

Though this was something that we had anticipated...prepared for...as much as we could, it was still tough...

and can be tough at times still...

to acknowledge the reality of her situation.

It is mild cerebral palsy, but most people see it as cerebral palsy...plain and simple.

It's irritating...causes anger that this label...diagnosis...could be used to define her...even if you've never met her.

We just had an underwriter for life insurance reject her due to cerebral palsy.

Dumb.

If you met her, and most of you have...she's normal.

She has problems with her legs every now and then, but really...we have been blessed in the mildness of her condition.

After her birth...looking at all of her issues, complications...we knew that we could deal with something someday.

Though miraculous things had happened all through the time she was in San Fran...the time she spent in the hospital...we knew that it would be smart to keep an eye on her.

We just decided that we would take everything as it came...there wasn't any use worrying about it...just acknowledge it and move forward.

God had already done some amazing things at this point...and is continuing to do things that can only be attributed to something bigger.

The diagnosis has caused some things to happen that wouldn't have happened if she didn't have the diagnosis.

She is receiving physical therapy as a result...and is making beautiful progress.

I hate that she has to wear these things...but they aren't that invasive...and Sarala thinks of them as her boots.

She loves running around in them.

So...I look at these pictures...

and it reminds me of a God who we can only describe as

loving...

merciful...

awesome...

powerful.

I leave you with this...

God's love...what reminders are present around you?

God's love is meteoric,
his loyalty astronomic,
His purpose titanic,
his verdicts oceanic.
Yet in his largeness
nothing gets lost;
Not a man, not a mouse,
slips through the cracks.
Psalm 36:5-6

Happy Valentine's Day...

2010-02-14T19:22:00.001-06:00

Now...that's one big kiss.

Celebrate...?

2010-02-11T00:03:00.000-06:00

Do you have anything...

small...

huge...

to celebrate...

be excited about...

to claim as a victory?

I'll start...

1) I'm able to wear a jacket that I haven't been able to wear in two winters.
A victory....

2) My wife got me a new messenger bag to replace my current bag, which is looking pretty rough.
Something unexpected but awesome.

There...your turn.

Money in the Couch...

2010-02-10T21:16:00.000-06:00

Money in the couch, money in the couch...lookin' like a fool with yo money in the couch....

Sarala was helping me look for some of her toys that had gotten sucked into the couch.

She ended up finding two bucks...

and I don't think we ever did retrieve the toys we were looking for,

which means they're probably still in there as I type....

Anyway...find anything in your couch lately?

"I want to be a llama...."

2010-02-09T19:45:00.005-06:00

We watch a lot of movies around the Buckman household.

As of late though...the past 3 years to be more specific...

most of those movies involve Disney...

Pixar...

and are of animated origin.

One of those films that didn't get much attention is The Emperor's New Groove.

David Spade as the spoiled emperor/llama...John Goodman as your big, loveable protagonist...

good family fun.

It's actually quite clever...humorous...

especially when you have David Puddy playing Kronk...

awesomer.

Anyway...

tonight Sarala says:

Daddy...for Halloween...I want to be a llama!

I say...awesome!

Who wants to aim for your standard...

run-of-the-mill costume anyway?

Favorite Super Bowl Ads...

2010-02-08T18:09:00.002-06:00

The Super Bowl:

football...half-time show...commercials.

The game was actually a fantastic game...riveting.

The half-time show on the other hand...hmmm.

The commercials didn't seem all that great...but there were a few that I thought were clever and may have gotten a smile or chuckle from me.

That's right...a chuckle.

Here they are those very commercials:

Brett Favre and Hyundai

"Hands off my mama!"

Google

"Mike, you're playing like Betty White out there."

Awesome + Awesome = Awesomer

Which were your favorites?

Staying Focused...

2010-02-05T00:03:00.005-06:00

The journey can be rough at times.

Occasionally we may hit a stretch that lies straight...

clear...

open...

with a trajectory that lies unobstructed...

forward....

We look ahead and all seems possible.

Inspiration...

hope...

dreams materialize.

It's amazing how momentum can build...

things off in the distance can come into focus...

clarity.

Then...

things happen that cause distraction...

distort what's ahead...

provoke...

create doubt.

Many ideas have found their demise this way...many of my own ideas.

These hindrances can kill momentum.

Time...

then adds and only compounds the loss of clarity.

The hard part is retaining that glimpse of what we saw...

it can be minuscule at times, but we saw it...

for a reason.

This is my prayer...that I will remain focused on what's ahead, what I've seen.

That I will retain that glimpse of clarity and continue working toward the goal...as far away as it may seem sometimes.

I leave you with this...

When was the last time you had a clarifying moment concerning a hope...

a dream...

a vision?

Is it still worth the striving...

desire...

attainment?

Second Thoughts...

2010-02-04T00:03:00.000-06:00

Dreams.

Visions.

Hopes.

What sorts of things do you see ahead?

How many of those actually leave your brain and become something tangible...become action?

I'm guilty of dreaming big...thinking big...and leaving it at that.

It's scary...I know...to think big.

What if?

As I try to put some action behind some of my thoughts...dreams...hopes...I hope you will join me.

The journey thus far has been quite amazing, but I believe it could even more amazing.

The blog...I hope...can become something of a catalyst...to spark movement towards making some of our hopes, dreams, visions into reality...or at least to try.

I'm trying hard to at least try.

Not to let doubt...fear...keep me from doing...keep me just thinking.

I've got a couple things in the works...the first of which is:

Hosting a house show for a singer/songwriter....

As I iron out the details, I will let you know how that goes.

Right now...I acted...spoke...and have a date.

Now...to get the details ironed out...and...something awesome.

So...we'll begin with that.

Let's see what we can come up with....

Where Oh Where...?!

2010-02-03T00:03:00.001-06:00

What am I doing?

Where am I going?

What am I really wanting to do with this blog...where do I want to take it?

It's been a time of rethinking around the Buckman household.

My Wii-age is almost ten years older than I actually am...

what's going on here?

The wife has gotten our family eating much better...

and...

it's pretty awesome.

An awesome step in the right direction.

Then there is everything else....

Everything?!

Yes....

There are visions...plans...that include family...health...finances...education...projects...all sorts of stuff.

The hope is to stay motivated.

Now...here's the question:

What can I do with my blog to help with this?

Stay tuned....

Joy...

2010-02-02T00:03:00.002-06:00

We have just experienced a respite...a departure from the crazy that life can create if left unchecked.

My life is reentering a rhythm where basketball no longer has a place.

Somehow I ended up remaining quite busy...

then

...snow.

Not just a little snow...9 inches fell and...all of the sudden we've got a four-day weekend.

What a perfect time for a couple extra days of rest...

relaxation...

joy.

The week preceding the snow consisted of a full four days of work.

For the first time since early November...no basketball practice...games...preparation.

I ended up filling that time with a bunch of other stuff that did exactly that...filled that time.

My responsibilities were being taken care of but the paperwork was becoming overwhelming.

These are the times where I spend too much time...energy...focus on things that really don't matter.

Enter Sarala.

We got to spend a couple extra days with her.

This beautiful face can realign my thoughts...purpose...perspective in times of busy.

God is present...something that I tend to forget...trudging along in my daily life.

Sarala is an amazing reminder of His faithfulness...mercy...love.

How often do you laugh during your day?

I'm guilty of letting life...busy...routine direct my thoughts...attention.

Where is the joy?

Joy...truly losing myself in the laughter of amazingly ordinary things.

This never seems to be an issue with Sarala.

She's got this inherent ability to keep herself from getting too serious...which also helps us to maintain perspective.

My hope for her...that she'll retain as much of this ability as possible.

To look for the joy...laughter...good in things...

everyday

things.

So...when was the last time you laughed...

good...

deep...

big?

Snow...!

2010-02-01T00:03:00.000-06:00

Missouri actually got a little snow the other day.

9 inches of snow!

I haven't seen snow like this since my days in Montana.

Did you make a snow angel?

Hugs...!

2010-01-21T22:06:00.004-06:00

I love this picture.

Crystal is actually the artist...Sarala added the hugs.

The hugs you say?

Yes...the hugs.

I have been gone a lot due to basketball.

I do get home by 7 at the latest...Sarala is usually heading to bed by 8.

She misses me.

I miss her.

I am actually home right now...blogging...she's sleeping in the other room...I miss her even though we're in the same house.

I am nearing the close of the season though...a couple more days.

Sarala and I usually spend time playing Play-Doh, drawing, coloring, and lately...using watercolor.

She wanted Crystal to draw Sarala and Daddy the other night, then Sarala added "hugs."

I love the hugs.

The hugs carry me.

What are those things that carry you through...keep you going?

indian...

2010-01-20T10:16:00.003-06:00

When you hear the word indian, what comes to mind?

Pictures?

Words?

Braided Hair?

Flashbacks to history class?

Anything?

When I was a little kid...shame came to mind.

Shame?

Yes...shame.

Why?

I guess it would have to do with the cultural attitude where I grew up.

Indians were alcoholics...poor...dumb.

I had to work through so much crap to realize that these are stereotypes...I didn't have to let any of these things affect who I am, how I percieve myself.

What are your thoughts?

Nowadays my definition is starting to include much more of me than ever before...and I'm loving it.

"Are You Really an Indian?"

2010-01-19T00:03:00.001-06:00

I think I get that question about once a week.

I got this on Friday as I was talking to some students...elementary students.

The funny thing is that this questions always comes at random times...which means these kids are thinking about it without any sort of prompt.

I do find it enjoyable to be in an environment where there is curiosity...where there are questions...interest.

Growing up in Montana as an Indian was a whole different experience.

I look back at the negative stereotypes...negative attitudes...racism.

Blatant racism.

Here...I don't find that.

I love my current role as an ambassador of sorts...having the ability to share my culture with those who are interested enough to ask.

Do I think about my indian-ness?

On occasion.

I find myself getting depressed if I watch any sort of historical show about natives on tv. I find it interesting...but then...the personal knowledge of how these events have affected my life are heartbreaking.

There is a stigma attached that has resulted in unnecessary insecurities...doubts...the way I look at myself.

I also get a lot of flack from indians....

A lot of people don't realize that aspect of it.

I...apparently...am not "indian" enough to call myself one.

Essentially I'm stuck...between two worlds.

A white world or...world of wasicu's...and the indians.

What makes an indian "indian" though?

I've never quite understood that.

I know I don't have long hair...I know I don't speak my language (not because I wouldn't want to)...but, why am I not "indian" enough?

What exactly are the qualifications?

I consider myself native...but only recently have I been able to reconcile that.

I've always struggled with it.

There have got to be more "indians" out there who are in my shoes.

When you were growing up...what did you hear about indians?
Did you happen to hear anything about indians?

The Hope Endeavor...

2010-01-18T00:03:00.002-06:00

Coming soon...to a venue near you ;)

Setlist from the Tyler Garrish Benefit Concert:

Anthem for the Underdog - 12 Stones
Shine - Pillar (Collective Soul)
Mighty to Save - Seventh Day Slumber
Everybody Praise the Lord - Lincoln Brewster
My Glorious - Delirious
Came to My Rescue - Hillsong United
Take My Life - Jeremy Camp
Christmas/Sarajevo 12/24 (Instrumental) - Trans-Siberian Orchestra
God Almighty, None Compares - David Crowder* Band

Conversations...

2010-01-15T00:03:00.000-06:00

The last conversation I had with my brother concerned this book.

It seemed like I was talking to him...then...days later...I got a phone call.

It's tough to think about, talk about...even now.

It's been a couple years now.

The only reason why I'm even bringing this up concerns the fact that I let a friend borrow this book...it never came back.

I ended up ordering another copy through some bookstore in Wyoming...as a Christmas present of sorts to myself.

The fact that I now have it in my possession again...haven't touched it.

Why?

I guess it's still too painful to delve into.

The hurt, though not as intense, is still present.

The questions...the unknowns...the what-ifs?

I figure he would've done what he did regardless of my being around or not.

The pain involved in getting my mental state to accept that I couldn't have done anything...only recently have I been able to reconcile this.

I regret not having more conversations...the balls to come out and share real life.

We hinted around at it. It seemed like we were heading that direction...but...never got there.

Never.

That's the thing...I don't if I'll ever get the chance...I've got various accounts of what preceded the events that took place.

The truth and reality is...I won't know.

Don't be afraid.

Have conversations.

Share life.

Love.

Act.

The Plan For Today...

2010-01-14T09:26:00.003-06:00

Basketball happened...is happening...will happen.

Thus...didn't make time for blogging.

To keep myself in the groove of posting...here we go:

Tonight is the last home game of the season...8th grade night...this is it.

Tournaments...then I'm done with the 2009-2010 season.

Wow...so, here's the plan.

I hope to carry the adjectives that describe Dwight here into the rest of my day...tonight's game...into Friday.

I hope to be back tomorrow with another post...relevant to hopefully not just myself...and yes...to keep on keepin' on.

Time to finish strong y'all....

Small Child Wisdom...

2010-01-13T00:03:00.001-06:00

Life can be busy...crazy...non-stop.

It call also be routine...monotonous.

This is usually when it seems like I'm wearing blinders. I'm only looking ahead at what's next.

The schedule.

Then...I hear some amazing little words from my baby girl.

Regardless of my schedule, routine, responsibilities...the end of my school day culminates in my being able to go and pick up the small child from preschool.

The photo above is a welcome sign that hangs just inside the doorway.

Sarala saw it and said "Look...Sarala and Daddy!"

I smiled, laughed...melted...and was reminded about the things that are truly important.

My guess is that it's the hair.

It has to be!

It's insane how much I let the routine...monotony of my day...affect my outlook on things.

I don't stop to look around here...take in the things around me.

This is where my daughter teaches me quite often...to stop...look around...and laugh, enjoy, smile...and ultimately...BE.

I'm so busy THINKING or DOING that I miss out on what's right in front of me...BEING.

So...what has reminded you lately to slow down, take a breath, and BE?

Trust...

2010-01-12T00:03:00.001-06:00

Proverbs 3:5

Can God speak through ESPN?

I'm not saying anything either way...but....

I saw this tattooed on the arm of a basketball player for Oklahoma State University tonight.

For some reason it stuck out.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding.

At least...that's what I think I saw...pretty sure it's what I saw.

I don't know the context...don't know if that is even what was actually on the arm, but it sure looked like Proverbs 3:5.

After doing a Google search of the player's name...looking at images...I couldn't come to any sort of conclusion as to whether or not that is what the tattoo is.

It sure stuck out though....

I am currently trying to figure out how to go about doing something that I feel like I need to do.

I know that the above statement isn't the best sentence nor does it make a whole lot of sense...but as I head into these next couple days...talk to some people...hopefully I can let you in on what I'm thinking.

So...until then...I guess I'll do what Proverbs 3:5 says.

How about that for some confirmation...especially during a basketball game...where I wasn't fully engaged because I was thinking about the possibilities.

No more worry.

Act B...act!

"Take my cake-cake...!"

2010-01-11T00:03:00.001-06:00

Sarala is always singing.

I would love for her to do something with music...not that I'm partial or anything. We've got all sorts of instruments around the house here...she seems to like the piano...although she has been talking about the violin. I love it.

Usually she sings things she's heard a lot of...but then she'll occasionally put her own spin on it...or she'll come up with something on her own.

Up until December 6th, the date of The Hope Endeavor's first show (which is the band I'm in), I listened to our set-list over and over. Three of the songs have really stuck with her: Collective Soul's Shine, Lincoln Brewster's Everybody Praise the Lord, and Jeremy Camp's Take My Life. If you click on the song titles...you'll be redirected to YouTube (some shameless self promotion).

Anyway, Sarala has been going around singing these songs, along with others.
Yesterday she was singing Take My Life, but substituted her own lyrics. Her lyrics went...Take my cake-cake, take my chocolate milk, take my life!

Now...cake-cake is cupcake. If you know Sarala, you are aware that cake-cake and chocolate milk are two things that are very important to her. If you ask her who she's singing to, her reply..."Jesus."

I love her heart. I love the story surrounding her. I love that God has such a handprint in how she was born...healed...how she came to live with us...the amazing blessings she has given us. We are always discussing how Jesus took care of her when she was in the hospital...then she'll completely rock our worlds when she says something like "Jesus is holding my hand Daddy", like she did one morning on our way to school.

My hope and prayer is that she'll never lose this as she grows older.

Are there any reminders in your life of God's grace? Faithfulness? Salvation?

Lala's Hat....

2010-01-10T00:03:00.003-06:00

Crystal's dad saw this from the kitchen table. This is a hat that Sarala made at the STL Art Fair this past summer. Awesome hat.

Do you see anything unusual on the hat?

I actually had a better picture of this, but...accidentally deleted it off the camera before I downloaded the pics to my computer...so....

Acknowledge...Part 2

2010-01-09T11:10:00.004-06:00

I find it amusing...and sad at the same time...that my last post was about procrastination...and lo...no post since then.

So...here we go.

Procrastination hasn't stifled my efforts concerning my usual responsibilities...school things, grading papers...which it usually does...but it has affected the posting to my blog.

It is all of 7 degrees outside...we've been out of school the past two days...all the reason I need to continue procrastinating. Right?

I figure...it's time to get back to a routine of contributing to the blog.

Since my last post...something awesome has occurred.

Sarala is now Sarala...according to her insurance card. She still went by her birth name whenever we visited any sort of doctor or pharmacy...even though the adoption has been final since April 2007. The speed of the paperwork has been incredibly slow. Everything concerning Sarala now says Sarala...which is pretty awesome. Another God-thing.

So...I leave you with this.

Has God blown your mind lately...and if so...how?

Acknowledge...

2009-12-15T09:16:00.003-06:00

My day is filled with choices. Should I do this now...later? How should I go about this?

I believe there may be a word for this.

Procrastination.

I admit it...I am a full-fledged Procrastinator.

I guess it all started when I was in elementary. I distinctly remember waiting 'till the last minute to work on this research binder thing I had to do in sixth grade. I got it in.

Then it continued...spiraled into middle school and high school. I remember spending one whole Sunday...the day before it was due...working on a research paper. We had to have resources and everything. It ended up being multiple pages. I got it done.

Then...came college. I guess that is when I first acknowledged that yes...I am a procrastinator.

Then...I did something crazy. I embraced it. That's right...embraced...accepted...worked it into how I roll.

I decided that worrying about it was doing me nothing but harm...anxiety. I just figured that I would get it done. For some reason it's hard for me to focus on something if it's a long way off.

My rule now is...Don't work on anything until after dark...until after Sarala has gone to bed.

This way I'm focused...it may take me up to midnight or so...but it gets done and I'm happy with what's produced.

Is this the best way to do things? I would say...no. Probably not. It works for me though.

I am trying to break the habit though. I have short chunks of my day that are free to do whatever it is I need to do to get ready for my day. I have been getting much better about using that time to be productive.

So...I bid you farewell for now...to go and tackle paper-grading. To be productive.

Are you a procrastinator? How do you work?

Just some thoughts on a brisk December Tuesday.

Hello Again!

2009-12-13T21:41:00.005-06:00

You are looking at the picture of a young lady.

It's amazing.

I know I'm partial since she is my daughter, but her story...the story God has set in motion around her...has been incredible. Little Rudolph here came up with the nose and antler idea on her own, which I though was pretty awesome.

Tonight we had a chance to look back at some old pictures...Sarala pictures. She came to live with us in March of 2007. She was 6 months old and very much a baby. She is no longer that baby. It's awesome and sad at the same time.

Crystal and I have been thinking about what may be in store for us in the future. It's both exciting and scary at the same time. We had a visit from some friends that are on their own God-adventure. This has sparked some thought into what our future may hold...what God may be preparing us for. My prayer is that I will be obedient to whatever God has lined out for us. I guess...not only that I will be obedient, but not scared to follow. He has been faithful...and has blessed us beyond what we could have dreamed or imagined.

As we approach another new year...what are your dreams? Are they God-sized dreams?

I'll leave you with one of ours. We're currently praying about adoption. We've always talked about adopting from China...so...as we approach the ripe ol' age of 30...we're revisiting this and looking at some other options. Hmmm....

An Acrostic for the Day...

2009-11-04T14:09:00.004-06:00

You will find this picture on my coffee cup.

It makes me laugh every time I look at it. Why...because it's awesome!

Think back to when you were in school.

Back in the day...the dizzle.

Did you every have to make an acrostic poem using your name?

I currently teach second grade, have for a couple years now...and haven't done this.

If you're not familiar with what I'm talking about...take your first name, write it vertically, and use each letter to start a word that describes yourself.

For example:

Well Dressed
Awesome
Dude
Excellent

Granted...three of my words sound like they may come from the script of Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure...there you go.

Your turn...which means I will probably put some more thought into this and hopefully I can come up with something quite awesome...excellent...dude!

Be...

2009-11-03T00:04:00.000-06:00

"Abandon your plans of escape & BE where you are. Plant gardens, live & live well. Breathe deeply. Be present, be now." -Kyle Lake, 10/30/05

These are some marvelous, yet simple, words.

Be.

Many of us spend our moments in our past or the future.

I'm guilty of this.

There are times when I'm with the small child and I should be just enjoying...being together...being.

Instead I've wasted incredible father-daughter time because I'm thinking about something that has either happened or something that may or will happen.

So profound...be present, be now.

I leave you with this quote...read it again...take it for what it is:

"Abandon your plans of escape & BE where you are. Plant gardens, live & live well. Breathe deeply. Be present, be now." -Kyle Lake, 10/30/05

Rhythm...

2009-11-02T00:05:00.000-06:00

How often do you find yourself...watching something off the DVR like The Office...chewing on some ice from Sonic...blogging...at 12:37 in the AM?

Crystal is now brewing up some hot tea...getting settled in to finishing catching up on The Office.

I know you may be thinking...how awesome is this...how can I achieve this lifestyle...what do I need to do in order to find myself doing these things?

Well...it's pretty easy.

Just do it.

It doesn't have to include these things...you could find yourself doing projects that involve the aesthetics of the home...playing Wii...watching a movie...discussing the latest SNL short (have to give my props to the ground)...whatever.

As this posts...I will more than likely be sleeping, or should be anyway...in preparation for the new week of school.

We had a short respite...something that rocked the rhythm of everyday...humdrum...the routine.

Though it was due to illness, it was quite amazing...the timing...the rest acquired during these last few days.

Essentially we did these things, not in any particular order:

Movies.

Games.

Late nights.

Meals with friends.

Cleaning.

Reading.

Sleeping.

Trick-or-Treating.

Not leaving the house unless it was absolutely necessary.

Now...these are only a handful of the things accomplished during our impromptu break.

Also...you could find yourself doing any number of these things at any given time (except for Trick-or-Treating...it'd probably be best to leave that one for around Halloween...but, I'll leave that up to you).

What I'm trying to say with all this is that we settled into a easy, flowin' rhythm. Time doesn't necessarily have to dictate...rule us.

Life goes by way too fast to be preoccupied with time.

I'm not condoning the irresponsible wasting of time...a practice I've also been known to have some skillz in...but...to use our time wisely so that there is time in our day for our families...friends...things we like.

I need to remind myself of this since I'm just about to enter a new season of life...as a girls MS basketball coach.

It's amazing what one year absent from the coaching world will do...it's been awesome...what I needed, but now I find myself in the stages of mental preparation.

I leave you with this:

Enjoy...be.

You Are Not Naked...

2009-10-30T14:20:00.004-05:00

This is a link to a blog post from Jonathan Acuff and Stuff Christians Like

Funny...Satirical...Thought-Provoking....

#512. Thinking you’re naked.

Posted using ShareThis

The Hardest Part...

2009-10-29T23:52:00.004-05:00

Investigate my life, O God,
find out everything about me;
Cross-examine and test me,
get a clear picture of what I’m about
Psalm 139:23

Conflict

Confrontation

Confession

Honesty

Reality

Acknowledgment

Sin

These are words that pierce...hurt.

Hard words.

Scary words.

Necessary words.

The Current Rotation...

2009-10-29T01:30:00.005-05:00

What are you listening to these days? New stuff? Old stuff?

Here are the albums that are in heavy rotation in my vehicle, on the iPod, and even one via vinyl:

Stockholm Syndrome - Derek Webb
The pic above was taken at Blueberry Hill where D Webb and the incomparable Josh Moore rocked it the other night. The album is a crazy departure from the old D Webb...a lot of synth...progressive...amazing.

Church Music - David Crowder* Band
This album, like the D Webb album, is another major departure from the usual for the DC*B. Like the description above...a lot of synth...progressive...amazing.

Hope Rising - Fee
More rockin' tunes for the Church in general. Soaring guitars...delay...awesome.

What have you been listening to lately?

Anything worth sharing...?

OMG...

2009-10-28T03:00:00.000-05:00

We, the little babe and I, were watching The Neverending Story today (I know...awesome right?) and I skipped the part where Atreyu's horse got lost in the quicksand...you know you cried when that happened.

I turned it back to see Atreyu struggling in the mud...looking for the big turtle (I can't remember what the name or purpose was...especially since we didn't finish watching it due to Sarala's Halloween Party) and Sarala asked me what happened.

I told her that Atreyu had lost his horse in the mud.

Sarala then says:

He lost his horse!? Oh...my...gosh!

Love it!

The Journey Has Begun...

2009-10-27T01:34:00.002-05:00

I am sitting here...winding down after driving home from the airport.

It has been an amazing evening and I'm glad that Crystal, Sarala, and I got to come along for the ride.

We helped some of our dear friends welcome their new baby boy into their family tonight. Another amazing adoption story.

I was honored to do video for it all and...out of respect for our friends...won't be posting pictures until I've given them the clips and photos I took. It was awesome to celebrate the arrival of a baby boy, from half a world away.

It was especially amazing since Crystal and I went through this ourselves....

I am crazy-happy for them...and am excited for the journey that saw its beginnings tonight.

Taken Back...

2009-10-26T00:15:00.002-05:00

I am not a big fan of country music. Never have been...probably never will be. Now...I can listen to some...good music is good music.

There is a reason though...why I can't, notice how I didn't say don't...but can't listen to it(I can't like it as Sarala would say).

I was reminded today of why I don't...and can't...listen to it.

I was driving back from Fred-town and was wanting something different (I've basically had two albums in rotation in my vehicle, which are both fantastic albums by the way: DC*B's Church Music and Fee's Hope Rising).

I figured I would see what was playing on the radio. As usual...the stations were fuzzy...Z107-7...not in the mood for thePoint (a lot of the newer stuff sounds strikingly similar)...JoyFM...B104...the hit station out of cape.

There was one station though...that always comes through. We depend on it for news, weather, sports scores...and...kickin' country. Good ol' J98.

Since it was Sunday afternoon...the playlist was comprised of older stuff.

The music instantly took me back to when I was younger.

We would spend time on the rez...which is the reservation for those of you who haven't heard that before. Whenever we traveled that direction...northeastern MT...Ft. Peck...it felt as if you were stepping back in time...heading into isolation.

Now..the only station that come through up there played country music. I always made sure that I had my Walkman on me...remember those? Yes...but sometimes I would forget and...being a smaller child...usually didn't participate in conversation. What would I end up doing? Listening to the radio.

Mind you...again...it wasn't necessarily current stuff so it actually felt as if we stepped back in time...that we were disconnected from the modern world.

I was transported back to those days as I was driving on 72 back to AV.

I don't really miss those days....

Music...Smells...those are primarily the things that trigger memories for me.

How about you...anything triggered lately?

Some Sunday Night Thoughts...

2009-10-25T19:40:00.001-05:00

Lately, the reality of how my actions could match my thoughts...has been applied to the bigger picture....

Am I doing everything I could be doing?

Could my talents....experiences...identity help others?

Could they help to a greater degree?

Can I be doing more?

If my answer is yes...now the hard part....

Why aren't I doing these things?

I have to consider how my possibilities will affect Sarala...how they will affect my family. Though some of my thoughts place us in other parts of the country...I like it here. Sarala is growing up in an amazing community.

It's scary out there and something I try and not worry too much about...but...are my fears hindering some cool things that God has got going on?

I'm going to finish with this:

The journey thus far has been an amazing experience filled with joys, challenges...but ultimately God's presence being a constant...it will always be an amazing journey, irregardless of the twists, turns, bumps....

Right now though...the focus...tomorrow night...we get to celebrate the arrival of a beautiful baby boy with some dear friends of ours....

Action vs. Thinking....

2009-10-23T15:15:00.000-05:00

I think about the type of dad I want to be...and I'm reassured that I am the type of dad I want to be because I act like the type of dad I want to be.

Almost confused myself...wait...what was I talking about?

Oh yes...being a dad...the type of dad I would like to be.

Thinking about being the type of dad vs. actually being that type of dad.

The picture above shows Lala and I...sitting in the chair in our living room. We spend time every night reading a book. I'll read it...then she reads to me. I love her retellings.

Lately the books have included classic children's songs: It's raining, it's pouring...Twinkle Twinkle Little Star...Itsy-Bitsy Spider...and...a selection from my wife's favorites (not really...she describes her disdain for this book on a daily basis)...The Gnome from Nome.

I think about these memories...we read every night...talk...and just enjoy each other's company. We try and do this as a family when we're all home at the same time. We eat dinner...at the dinner table together and talk about our day. Sarala tells us about her kids at the daycare (the kids in her room). It's quite entertaining. I love every minute of it.

These are things that I never experienced and I love that I get to provide them for my daughter.

Here's the thought: I want to be that type of dad...so...I am that type of dad.

So...this thought lingers: Do the things I think about coincide with my actions? If yes...then...YES! If not...then...I should act on it or stop worrying about it.

Now...don't hear what I'm not saying. I'm not saying that I'm the perfect dad...that I've got it all figured out...because I'm not and I don't. I am trying though...and there it is...not just thinking about it...trying...acting...doing....

Until next week....

What's Next...?

2009-10-22T19:37:00.006-05:00

How often do your thoughts match your actions?

I mean...how often do you think about doing something and actually follow through with it?

These questions are a reflection of my current journey...trying to figure out where the next turn may come...where it may lead...trying to not let trivial things detour the possible.

What does that mean exactly...? Well...again...I'm trying to figure that out.

I was a guest speaker recently at a college where I had an opportunity to share my experiences...the joys...challenges...of being a Native American in modern society.

It brought up a bunch of memories and experiences that I haven't thought about in a long time...which makes the life I lived, 23 years, before I moved here...seem like a completely, separate life.

Identity.

This is what it came down to...identity? Who am I and where do I fit? Where do I belong? I talked about not being accepted by white culture due to my Indian-ness...then not being accepted by Natives either due to my Apple Indian-ness.

So...where does that leave me? I guess it lands me in the middle. The middle has been a lonely place.

This reality has molded me...pushed me through life...into the person I am now. That is my identity. The two seemingly different...contrasting lives...are actually one in the same. This is who I am.

Now what? Are my thoughts complimentary to my actions...or are they in complete contrast?

I've decided to act...make my thoughts happen...and...

it's leading me to begin working on something that I've always thought about.

See...there it is. Lingering thoughts...what if...I should.

Well Wade...do it.

The next step...formulating a direction for putting my experiences into written language.

Yes...a book....

Until next time....

Jumping in...

2009-10-21T20:41:00.004-05:00

I did it.

It happened.

I am finally putting some of my thoughts into words...then rearranging those words into coherent sentences.

Then...those sentences are put into paragraphs...a letter...and sent to the intended audience...and it has begun.

The picture above is from just outside Billings, MT...June 2009...on an early, early morning. Early enough that we would be driving on I-90...just before Lockwood...to be greeted with such a sight.

We were on our way back home...to Missouri...from a visit back home. Now, even though I'm originally from Billings...I won't necessarily call it home. My home now...the community in which I live, work, play...is home. My daughter knows it as home. Montana is...anymore...merely a vacation...and at one point...one which I didn't imagine I would come back to anytime soon.

I say this because we were leaving another incident...another bad memory...another incident involving family. So strong were these issues that we ended up leaving as early as we could the following day. We were actually supposed to leave the day before...the day of the incident...but were convinced to stay to see some cousins from out of town.

I was glad for that...but not glad for the events preceding. As I look back now...the words exchanged became a catalyst...something to cause me to act on my thoughts.

I have been dealing with things for a long time...seemingly alone. Various memories, experiences, and thoughts have surfaced from time to time...in mixed company...but more so just to get them out into the air...out into the open.

This last exchange between my brother and I...the seemingly silent, unaware response from my mother...have been a constant thought.

It's amazing how God works...in his own timing...which is quite perfect, compared to our own. I heard Donald Miller speak recently...and some of his words resonate within my mind...still.

He was talking about fatherhood...and the rampant fatherless-ness that is present in the United States. Being a father myself...growing up without a father...drew me to a phrase that went something like:

If you think you're the type of dad that takes your child fishing...and you don't take your child fishing...then...you're NOT the type of dad that takes your child fishing.

That was...is...huge for me. It spoke of the difference between thinking something and actually acting upon it. It was time for me to quit thinking about stuff...it's time for me to pull the crap that has polluted my thought-life for so long...out and to form coherent sentences that could lead to dialogue...healing.

So...this is where I am...right now...as I sit here and type. So far...I have had replies, which is far more that I expected at this point (my family doesn't communicate well...especially if conflict is involved). I will update...along the journey...insights gained from the process...and hopefully...the beginnings of a relationship on the mend.

Updated Playlist...

2009-10-18T10:44:00.002-05:00

Sarala's current playlist would include:

David Crowder* Band - How He Loves
Black Eyed Peas - Boom Boom Pow
The Beatles - Hello Goodbye
The Beatles - I Saw Her Standing There
Kings of Leon - Use Somebody
Lecrae - Jesus Muzik

The journey is littered with them...

2009-10-13T20:32:00.005-05:00

Have you ever asked yourself "what if"?

What if....

There is so much that could come at the end of that question.

I'm at a point in my life where I would love to eliminate the need for this question...in reference to my life.

I've had too many of these scattered throughout my life...the journey thus far has been littered with them.

When I think about it...most of my what-if's were the result of fear. Fear of...well...instability. The unknown. Conflict. Failure.

As my journey now includes parenthood...being a father...it's vital that I don't pass this on to my daughter.

My journey has been a rough go you could say. My hope and prayer is that I could use my experiences to at least steer...guide...Lala in what I think could be the right direction.

She has such a fearless personality. She is also strong-willed. These are qualities that God himself gave her and...I don't want to squash them.

I sit here tonight thinking...wondering...dreaming. Decisions that I make about my next steps also affect Sarala. I want the best for her. God has some amazing things in store for her and I don't want to be a speed-bump along her journey.

I love the possibilities surrounding her journey...where it could take her if she's open...fearless. Now...I don't mean irresponsible...but my hope is that she would look to God for guidance...and it also wouldn't hurt if she were to ask what I thought about things.

So...what are some of your what-if's?

I realize there are things that are out of your control...but...which what-if's have resided in your thoughts?

One of mine:

What if my dad had survived cancer? Would I be a different person today if I grew up with my dad? (I lost him at 6 and grew up fatherless)

The Backyard...

2009-10-11T17:48:00.003-05:00

Just a couple pictures from a beautiful, Saturday in October....

"I Can't Like It...!"

2009-10-07T21:07:00.008-05:00

Sarala has got this phrase she says anytime she doesn't like something or doesn't want to do something..."I Can't Like It!" Again...it's not that she doesn't like...she can't like it. I love it...and have adopted it for anything I try and debate, fight against...or just don't want to do.

Seriously...she's got a good point. I've been having a hard time lately when it comes to letting things bother me. It's been a great start to the school year and I love my job. It just seems that life-things tend to pop up from time to time and...the things that pop up are usually things that really irritate me. So...I've decided to adopt this "I Can't Like It!" philosophy. When I encounter things in my day that annoy me, rub me the wrong way..."I Can't Like It!" Again...it's not that I don't want to like it...I CAN'T LIKE IT! ;)

So...just a drop of wisdom on a rainy, RAINY Thursday night from a small child...who...by the way, is not drinking a small latte (as it may seem from the photo) but is actually enjoying some amazing chocolate milk courtesy of Bauhaus Kaffee....

The Journey...

2009-10-06T23:20:00.004-05:00

I'm sitting here on a Tuesday night...the sound of the washing machine filling with water is causing me to continually think it's raining outside. I finished the first book I've read in over a year tonight...and it only took me three days to read it. I don't know quite what happened, or how it happened, but I stopped reading. Life, the Journey became too busy. What did I fill it with? I don't really know and it's embarrassing to say that I can't really think of anything substantial. It'd be awesome to say...I spent time in another country doing missions work...dug wells for people in Africa...but I was actually here...by my computer...not really doing much of anything.

The journey has derailed...so to speak. I'm a nerd sometimes...I know! I used to carry my camera around with me and take pictures whenever I found inspiration. That also stopped this past year. Just recently have I picked it back up, loaded it with my SD card, and kept it close. That's where this picture comes in.

This picture is currently my computer desktop. I love the illusion that the tracks create...you can't really see the end. I want my journey, my life to resemble this picture. Not the black and white part of it...the fact that the tracks lead somewhere...not sure exactly where...but somewhere. I need to get back to reading, taking pictures, blogging, and living life. It's sad to say that I've been going through the motions...the routine I've allowed myself to fall into.

Now, I'm not saying that this past year has been bad...there were some great times...but lasting memories? Not as many as I'd like to say. So...my plan is to continue down the path...stay focused on the journey...not to get caught up in the part I can't see down the road but what's going on around me...the here...the now.

So...I leave you with that...myself with that.

When You Find Yourself In The City...

2009-09-13T22:23:00.004-05:00

Saturday was supposed to be spent in Chicago...the whole weekend actually...culminating in a U2 concert. Well...everything, and I mean EVERYTHING seemed to go wrong as I was actually planning the specifics of the trip.

I mean...as this is posting...Crystal and I should be listening to some live U2 at Soldier Field in Chi-town...but alas...I'm here in the valley ;)

Anyway...I thought I had covered myself quite well...done an amazing job for Crystal's birthday by planning this trip last spring, buying tickets, and alotting a budget so we could truly enjoy ourselves...despite the fact that school is in full swing.

So...with all my "eggs" in one basket...the basket was taken from me...thrown to the ground and spat upon...the "eggs" shattered along with it...we didn't go.

The weekend worked out though...quite well...which means we probably weren't meant to go since the weekend spent closer to home went very smooth...was fairly stress free.

12 West in Farm-town is an amazing place to eat...great atmosphere, great food, and fairly priced....
Bauhaus Kaffee is fantastic for coffee, a great cookie, and live music on Friday nights
St. Louis Art Festival in Clayton proved to be a blast...art + food + music = awesome

The only thing that may have been a little questionable was...this older gentleman I walked past while at the Festival.

Now...mind you...it was in the city...so......yes.

I was pushing Sarala in the stroller as we were walking around, persuing the various art booths and eatery options and I saw these legs + stiletto's heading my way.

Now, I'm normally not one to check out the chicks, considering I AM married...but I was trying to get Sarala's stroller over one of those things that covers a bunch of wires...and I notice these heels and legs in my line of sight.

As I look up to see who it is...so I don't run them over;)...out of curiosity...I find that it is an older, quite old gentleMAN who was wearing some very...short...shorts, a scarf, beret, but was rockin' a full Santa-esque beard and stiletto's.

I imagine he would get mistaken for Santa...if Santa wore heels and showed some leg ;)

Apparently he's about comfort...as I am not about passing judgement, but I was thrown for a little bit...the equilibrium rocked as this is something that one wouldn't normally see around AV and I wasn't quite prepared.

So...just remember that when you're in the city...that...you're IN THE CITY!

Happy Face Song...

2009-09-10T21:44:00.004-05:00

Happiness. Joy. Contentment. Peace. These are all words that describe Sarala. This is a picture of a happy face that must be drawn every time we color. And...for some reason Jason Mraz's song "I'm Yours" is known to her as the "Happy Face Song" and she sings it out everytime it plays. I love it...every minute of it....

Tonight we had the chance to take her shopping with some of her birthday money. She ended up picking out some Play-Doh and a movie..."The Emperor's New Groove." The appreciation and happiness she displays whenever she gets something makes it incredibly tough for us not to want to give her everything.

Joy. Plain and simple joy. Hours spent at the kitchen table making various food items out of Play-Doh, serving them to mom, then making some more. The other night she had me make a mouse in the midst of our culinary creation...she then proceeded to "cook" it. Man...we had a laugh. She realized the ridiculousness of cooking mice and...we laughed until we cried.

Tears. Tears of joy. These are the moments of life that I cherish...around the kitchen table...cooking mice. Despite all the issues that seem so big at times...God has provided a sanctuary, place of rest and restoration. God has blessed us so much...beyond measure...through Sarala.

There has been a theme running through my summer blog posts. I've spent the last couple months trying to find peace...actively looking for it, not knowing or realizing that I had it right in front of me...in the form of a Play-Doh mouse grilled, complimented by Play-Doh fruit snacks. Sarala loves fruit snacks;) It has been amazing to lose myself in our nightly Play-Doh sessions and to remember what it's like to laugh, cry, imagine, and smile.

The journey has had twists and turns but I find myself having grown a little...matured maybe...not letting things bother me as much as they would've not too long ago. It's there...all around us...at work...home...school...wherever...amazing God-colors.

I leave myself with this:

I must choose joy, peace, contentment, happy along the journey.

How about you? Where is your peace...joy...happy?

Where I Am...

2009-08-22T21:49:00.001-05:00

My Brightness - words and music by Charlie Hall
Well I’ve been hit from every corner
And I’ve been thrown from side to side
And I’m cracked up in the inside
So I come to You for life
Your presence always heals me
So I wanna’ drink it in
You know where we’re going God
And You know where I’ve been

And your love is like a rock
When I’m spinning
And your love is like a rock
When I’m spinning
And your love is like a rock
When I’m spinning around.

Yesterday I felt so angry
And today so insecure
And I hate it that I wrestle with the God that I adore
Your presence always heals me
So I wanna drink it in
You know where we’re going God
And You know where I’ve been.

And your love is like a rock
When I’m spinning
And your love is like a rock
When I’m spinning
And your love is like a rock
When I’m spinning

And I know less about You
But my heart loves You so much more
You’re the bright in sadness
You’re my brightness

I wish this thing could pass from me
But I’m wanting what You want
So bring me high and bring me low
Just hold me in Your love

The Current Journey...

2009-08-19T21:27:00.005-05:00

Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns.
Philippians 4:6

I read some amazing questions/statements/quotes today that sparked some major reflection:

"Am I willing to spend more time in prayer today than I do on worry or fear?"

Are you listening to yourself more than to God?

Worry is like prayer to the wrong god.

So...how do you stack up next to these thoughts?

This is where I've been...dealing with how Cerebral Palsy, though mild, is affecting Sarala.

An Update...August 7, 2009

2009-08-06T23:50:00.009-05:00

Celebrate God all day, every day. I mean, revel in him!
Philippians 4:4

I have had a hard time lately coming to terms with the reality that is cerebral palsy. This past summer has shown me how it can...or could...affect Sarala and I'm saddened by it. The reminders are becoming more frequent as Sarala quickly approaches the age of 3...August 26.

We had an appointment this week with one of Sarala's "people" who asked us some questions regarding her development. It appears that all is well...until we begin talking about gross-motor type things. Her legs are obviously giving her trouble. She's almost three and has trouble running, walking, and jumping. These are things that we don't think about until we are confronted with them in daily life...like today.

We were invited to celebrate another year of life for the child of a friend of ours. He's two and the fact that he's running and jumping like he is...and Sarala isn't...causes sadness. Do I show this? No. It's not evident. It's not even a conscious thought. It only rears it's ugly head when I'm thinking...hoping...praying...and it hits at night. This is where I've been...mourning.

Mourning has caused a change in my mood...a change in my demeanor that lies just under the surface as I go throughout my daily life. It remains as something that hangs in the back of my mind, and as I stated earlier...is not consciously present. I've had a hard time reconciling my hopes and fears with reality...especially since it's summer. Summer is such a blessed time...an amazing time allowed through my teaching career. This is where my rest should come...but it's not...not entirely.

The rest isn't there....here. I find myself awake during the night...my mind a mess. As a result, my prayer-life has been a confusing wad of...thoughts, hopes, fears....

I am happy. I'm not saying that I'm not happy...just having a hard time dealing with what's next...wanting amazing things for my baby girl, who isn't much of a baby anymore.

Then...I read something like the verse above from Philippians and begin to recall the amazing works of God that surround Sarala's story and life thus far. He has done amazing things with her and is still working. He can still work...my faith needs to hold. I can't let the lingering "what-ifs" keep residence within my mind. I need to choose to accept that there is nothing to add to what I'm already doing for my baby even though I would do anything if it would help. God...take these "what-ifs"! Faith...I must maintain that God will continue to do amazing things...and if he doesn't...He's done so much...what a testament to God's ability to work...in the present.

The photo above shows a healthy, exuberant little babe...taken last week.

I leave myself with this:

Pure gold put in the fire comes out of it proved pure; genuine faith put through this suffering comes out proved genuine. When Jesus wraps this all up, it’s your faith, not your gold, that God will have on display as evidence of his victory.
1 Peter 1:7

Sarala's Playlist...as of August 4, 2009

2009-08-04T10:47:00.004-05:00

If Sarala created a playlist...it would include:
Jason Mraz - I'm Yours
Mat Kearney - Closer to Love
Black Eyed Peas - Boom Boom Pow
Kanye West - Love Lockdown
Skillet - Whispers in the Dark
Caedmon's Call - Sarala, Volcanoland
Journey - Don't Stop Believing.

I love it. These are regular requests in the car whenever we're traveling somewhere...currently.

Resonance...

2009-07-30T22:16:00.005-05:00

Listen, God! Please, pay attention! Can you make sense of these ramblings, my groans and cries? King-God, I need your help. Every morning you'll hear me at it again. Every morning I lay out the pieces of my life on your altar and watch for fire to descend.
Psalm 5:1-3

Hello Again

2009-07-27T23:07:00.005-05:00

Well...where does one begin? It's been over a month since I've added anything of substance to the blog. It seems like my mind has been a mess...in terms of trying to keep blogging. Much of my mental state could probably be attributed to the fact that I am currently embedded in summer vacation. This is a state of life that I've been able to maintain...well...all my life. My student life and professional have both been directed by the schedule of the school year. Right now...nearing the end of July...I'm right smack in the middle of summer.

So...apparently this results in a lapse of my ability to think about the things going on in my life and around me. It's not that my mind becomes impaired...I just seem to settle into a groove that gets used to smooth...quiet...relaxing...vacation.

Life still happens though. The flow I've been in has been rocked. I'm trying to process and work through a change in the relationship with my immediate family as well as trying to effectively address a possible health concern with Sarala. I think I'm mourning.

I say this because the words of Jesus from Matthew 5:4 have been relentless in their resonance in my mind.

“You’re blessed when you feel you’ve lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you."

After my visit to MT this past June...I probably won't be going back. Yes...there it is. Something occurred that has solidified my stance concerning the relationship I have with my mother and younger brother. This is something I imagine I will revisit further as I reenter the world of blogging. Family is something I hold dear and I've been holding on...losing grip of my familial relationship with my mom and brother...without any help from my mom or brother's side of things...and am letting go.

Sarala is also having problems with her leg and/or foot. It could be Cerebral Palsy related...then again...it may not be. We've been back into doctor visits lately...Sarala had an X-ray to rule out some things...and we may be looking at an MRI. I guess the mourning factor with her concerns her...Sarala. She's healthy, happy, beautiful...so I don't fully understand yet how I could be mourning...but then again I begin to think of the future. I've had a glimpse of what Cerebral Palsy could do to Sarala and I don't like it. I don't want that for her.

So...this is where we are...the Buckman's. Working through how I need to approach my family (we haven't spoken since I was there in late June) and now Sarala's hurt leg/hip/foot/? Now...to continue watching things that have piled up in the DVR and to continue working through these things by reading...thinking...talking to God...talking to Crystal....

Until next time....

Two small friends...

2009-07-27T16:49:00.002-05:00

Potty Training Time...

2009-06-15T18:21:00.004-05:00

This picture is significant. Not only is Sarala growing into a beautiful young girl...no longer a baby, but she's wearing "big girl underwear." She's getting tall, talking so much, and is now in the midst of potty training. She's doing well and we're very proud of her.

Summer has officially begun at our house since Crystal and I are both off for the summer and yes...we're settling into the slow, amazing rhythm of summer.

A Quick Update...The Month of May 2009

2009-06-01T23:19:00.008-05:00

I "disappeared" from technology during the month of May due to another school year coming to a close...always a busy time. There were also changes taking place that required prayer...thought...planning...time.

Here is a quick recap:

Sarala was diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy
The following day brought an "inland hurricane" to the area
School ended on May 22nd
I've got a new job next year in the district...teaching reading/math in second grade
I'm reentering the coaching world as a middle school girls basketball coach
Summer school has started...just finished day 4 earlier today
It is now June 1st
Looking forward to summer break and vacation
The blog is being "reworked"

Stay tuned for the new "Our Journey Thus Far"

30 Years...

2009-04-27T20:42:00.003-05:00

This is a video shown at the in-law's anniversary party last Friday night, April 24th, 2009.

Our Little Rocker...

2009-04-17T00:01:00.000-05:00

Sarala's First Easter...Easter 09'

2009-04-16T00:01:00.000-05:00

Easter 07'

Easter 08'

Easter 09'

Easter 09'

All I gotta say...look at all that hair!

Remembering...The Day...

2009-04-14T22:12:00.006-05:00

March 9th, 2007...Sarala came to Missouri on a plane. It was a surreal experience...preparing for her arrival, getting her room ready, heading to the airport with an empty car seat, taking a little baby into our arms that only had the clothes she was wearing and a blanket, toy...wow.

The picture above is Crystal and I holding Sarala for the first time...she looks so scared. The picture below is her in her car seat...changed into her pajamas after we signed off and were able to take her home with us. What a weird thing...head to the airport with an empty car seat...come home with a baby.

Remembering...The Wait...

2009-04-14T00:01:00.001-05:00

It seemed like time slowed way down while we waited to get everything in order so we could adopt Sarala. Paperwork, home-visits, more paperwork...the state of Missouri working with the state of California...waiting, waiting...and yes...more waiting.

The way most of it worked required us doing things according to this crazy time-line. Deadlines...things that only could happen at certain times. Fingerprints for instance...who knew that fingerprints would/could be such an issue.

I remember Crystal and I having an appointment to get fingerprints done for a background check...scheduled for a week-day afternoon, right after school in Farmington. This was during basketball season so I asked my fellow coach if he would ride the bus with my team to Perryville, which is a hour and a half bus ride one way. I remember racing over there, then racing to Perryville to coach a basketball game...then I rode it back. Wow...what craziness.

I know that we were separated from Sarala for her time in the hospital for a reason...there is no way that I would've been able to leave her if I or Crystal were able to see her. The only knowledge about her came from an occasional discussion with her medical social worker.

Then came the day that Sarala was to be released from the NICU into a high-risk medical foster home. It was early November 2006. She was going to live with a nurse until she came to Missouri...which we were at the mercy of the paperwork and Missouri.

I remember Crystal talking to the foster mom...Laura...and being able to hear Sarala "goo", giggle, and cry in the background. Very weird but it brought tears to our eyes...it was our baby girl.

Then...miss Laura did something awesome...like the neurosurgeon...she sent us a picture of Sarala:

You could see the bald spot from her surgery. She's smiling though...which is amazing considering all that she had been through up to that point. This picture...in addition to the one we received from doctor...were HUGELY encouraging to us. God was doing an amazing work...in and through Sarala. I am changed because of that time...the work...the challenge.

Anyone who meets a testing challenge head-on and manages to stick it out is mighty fortunate. For such persons loyally in love with God, the reward is life and more life.
James 1:12

The work that God was doing in me was renewing this love for God that grew my faith...prayer-life. I found myself spending a lot of time in the book of James.... Sarala...she was coming to live with us soon...our baby girl.

Easter MH Worship Set

2009-04-13T10:43:00.002-05:00

Let God Arise - Chris Tomlin
Happy Day - Tim Hughes
How Great Thou Art - rocked-out version
Jesus Messiah - Chris Tomlin
By Your Side - Tenth Avenue North
Only a God like You - Tommy Walker?

Remembering...The beginning of the Journey...

2009-04-10T17:29:00.006-05:00

I have to admit...it is hard to see God in things...in the world. The way people think about each other...treat each other. Take this picture for instance. This is Plunder Palace. If you're familiar with the place...if you pan out from "GOD"...there's a bunch of junk...clutter...chaos. It's hard to focus on God amidst the chaos...but He's there. I love the visual...the connection to life.

Maybe it's societal, cultural...attitudes...whatever you want to call it...we don't really look for God in things. We get caught up in the clutter most of the time...I just as much as the next person. We tend to forget about God's presence...in situations...circumstances...the fact that He's really in control. Not us. Hard to admit....

Also...our perspective may cover our eyes so we only look at the world in a certain way...in a way that doesn't think or believe that God acts anymore...focused on the clutter...the peripheral...that miracles are only stories from the Bible. I had this view of things...and this is where we continue Sarala's journey.

My prayer-life...faith-life...began a journey during the time that Sarala was in the hospital that continues to this day. We were being told all of these terrible things...and...you could say they were "reality"...but at that point I decided that it wasn't a reality that "had" to be.

A question began to surface...why do we have to accept this? Why can't she get better? At that point our prayers turned towards action...pleading with God to act on Sarala's behalf...heal her.

I was soaking up everything...connecting with God like never before. My prayers...worship...reading took on new significance. I began to read into the book of James. James...after a greeting from James...starts out as below:

Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.

If you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You'll get his help, and won't be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. People who "worry their prayers" are like wind-whipped waves. Don't think you're going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open.
James 1:2-8

God has a way with words. He's also merciful, loving, powerful...listening...speaking. It's up to us to pursue a relationship with him. This can only occur through Jesus. What an amazing gift...grace...salvation through the blood of Jesus...bled on the cross over 2,000 years ago. This time of Easter...celebration...God is present...more present than what we think...and Jesus is alive....

Sarala is a miracle. The way God moved during her 67 days in the NICU is utterly amazing and has given Sarala a powerful testimony to God's love, action, mercy, and redemptive power.

Have a blessed Easter weekend!

Remembering...A Quick Break

2009-04-09T09:31:00.004-05:00

Today is my first day of Spring (Easter) Break. Therefore...I'm taking a break from the blog for today anyway...to relax...recharge...enjoy the day of non-work. ;)

Remembering...Her Condition

2009-04-08T00:01:00.002-05:00

We were blown away by what we were told about Sarala's condition. We had made the decision to go for it in a week and half's time...by Crystal's b-day...to adopt her...regardless of what we were told. It was a decision made after much prayer.... We decided to be obedient...versus "smart".

A medical social worker tried very hard to get us to change our minds. They only decided to give her care after they knew that we would adopt her...that we wanted her.

The outlook was not good. We were told things like..."vegetable"..."extensive brain damage"..."we didn't realize what we were getting ourselves into"..."we were too young"...this isn't just a little premature baby that we were thinking it would be...exact words told to Crystal "this isn't the cute little preemie baby that you're thinking this is"..."you don't live in a city"..."she'll be special needs"....

Only when we received her medical records, which are the size of a book, did we get an idea of how terrible and dire the situation was for Sarala in the beginning. I'm glad we didn't know all of the details until she was in our arms...in our home...HER home.

Here's a run-down from her medical summary:
Born 9 and 1/2 weeks early
Weighed 2 lbs 5 oz
Intraventricular hemorrhage - grade 3
Post-hemmorrhagic hydrocephalus
- These resulted in a resevior being placed in her head a couple days after birth
Drug exposed to meth, marijuana, ecstasy (Mom admitted to meth use 1-2 days before, couple times a week...used intravenously until she realized she was pregnant, then switched to smoking it)
She didn't breath for 30 seconds and was intubated
This is the beginning...first few pages.
She stayed in the NICU for 67 days.

The Neurosurgeon took time out of his own schedule and took/e-mailed us this photo not long after her first surgery. It's one of the most beautiful pictures of Sarala...though sick...broken...she was ours.

Next Post: The journey towards healing begins....

Remebering...the call...

2009-04-07T00:01:00.001-05:00

It was my b-day...August of 06'. Man...seems so long ago. I'm going to be 29 this year...wow! Okay, back to Sarala. She was born on August 26th, 3 days before my birthday. We got a call from Crystal's mom on my birthday that informed us of another child born to Christine...Sarala's biological mother. She's had a bunch of kids...all adopted by the family. Apparently she has kids, gives them up, disappears, then reappears when another kid is born. Sarala is number 7...of the kids that lived. I believe that she birthed nine....

So...it wasn't even a thought for us at that time. The question was actually whether or not Crystal's parents were going to try and adopt Sarala...or...at that time...Tamara. For some reason I couldn't help...nor could Crystal...thinking about...hurting for this little baby out in San Fran with no one around her...no one who wanted her. The whispers from God began....

Next Post: The decision...Sarala's condition at birth...the urging of the medical social worker to change our minds...us urging them to give her care....

Remembering...Pt. 1

2009-04-06T00:01:00.002-05:00

And when your children say to you, ‘Why are we doing this?’ tell them: ‘It’s the Passover-sacrifice to God who passed over the homes of the Israelites in Egypt when he hit Egypt with death but rescued us.’” The people bowed and worshiped.
Exodus 12:26-27

We've been talking about "Remembering" at church these last few weekends and it's caused some...well...remembering. ;) God has done some amazing things. It's good for us to remember and pass these on to the next generation.
The verse above...from Exodus...refers to Passover...which will explain why Passover is celebrated...remembering what God has done...passing it on to the next generation.

Take this thought...remembering...and think about what God has done in your life...God-moments. My biggest God moment has to do with the little babe in the picture above. We are at O'Charley's in STL sharing a chocolate shake. This was her first introduction to this sort of dessert found in a eatery...which means that everytime we go out to eat now...it's expected that we'll order "something" after we eat our dinner. I love it!

This week I am going to take to look back at the miracle of Sarala. My next post will begin with the events surrounding our thoughts about adopting her...we found out she was born on my birthday...made the decision by my wife's birthday.

It's Friday...

2009-04-03T00:01:00.001-05:00

Keeping it simple and short today...here is an amazing post by a fellow blogger about...well...just read.

Simple Truth...

2009-04-02T00:01:00.002-05:00

There is deceit in the hearts of those who plot evil,
but joy for those who promote peace.
Proverbs 12:20

Promoting peace.

Joy.

Promote peace = joy.

Simple.

Too often we add to the fire...get in the last word...make something worse to make us feel better, look better...we want justice...things to be made right.

Is this something we need to worry ourselves with?

Is it really worth it?

Sacrifice joy?

What's the cost?

Keep it simple...choose joy.

And yes...do you like my "Rob Bell" style post here...? ;)

Lord let our light shine...

2009-04-01T00:01:00.000-05:00

Prechorus:
Broken but singing...our hearts keep shining... broken but singing...our hearts keep shining...

An amazing song with amazing truth...or...as in the movie "Benchwarmers"...A-Maz-Za-Zing!

No one lights a lamp and puts it in a place where it will be hidden, or under a bowl. Instead he puts it on its stand, so that those who come in may see the light. Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your eyes are good, your whole body also is full of light. But when they are bad, your body also is full of darkness. See to it, then, that the light within you is not darkness. Therefore, if your whole body is full of light, and no part of it dark, it will be completely lighted, as when the light of a lamp shines on you.
Luke 11:33-36

Slowing/quieting down to listen...

2009-03-31T00:01:00.002-05:00

So throw all spoiled virtue and cancerous evil in the garbage. In simple humility, let our gardener, God, landscape you with the Word, making a salvation-garden of your life. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you are a listener when you are anything but, letting the Word go in one ear and out the other. Act on what you hear!
James 1:21-22

Humility. Listening...actively...as opposed to just "hearing." James is pretty straightforward here...harsh. This is a serious matter though...affecting those around us, us, and the opportunity for God to use us. It's about listening...before acting or letting thoughts...words come out of our mouth. How often do we do things, talk to people, make major decisions without listening for what God may have to say on the matter? Does this need to happen for everything? I guess we probably don't need to wait and hear from God if we're trying to figure out whether to get the Baylee Jo's Special or the Baylee Jo's Cheeseburger...though it is a tough decision in itself.

Back to the matter though...the Word. How I've neglected the Word as of late. I tend to not seek much from God when life is going good...smooth. There...I've said it.... Also harsh. Also...I give so much of my time to stuff that really doesn't matter. I come home from a crazy day at work and what do I do...sit down in front of the TV and "zone" for awhile. If I've had a tough day...it would probably do me a lot more good to come home...quiet myself, my heart...my head...and listen to God...and there it is...the key. Listen! Then comes the "Act on what you hear!" part. Too often I do things on my own and from my own understand. So...this is where I find myself right now...trying to remedy this by taking some time to read...quiet...listen.

Crystal left work today sick...and I don't mean just "sick"...but SICK...horrible, flu-like sick. Is it the flu...I hope it's not...but we'll see. She's doing better tonight after resting and was able to keep some crackers and carbonated soda down. Sarala went to bed early and it's left time for me to be quiet...out of necessity since the wife's sick and the small child's sleeping, but...to turn the tv off and chill...read...listen.

There is so much truth in the Word...from God. Hope. Life. Love. Available to all who want it.
As James says above, we need to...let our gardener, God, landscape you (us) with the Word, making a salvation-garden of your (our) life (lives). Imagine the world around your...your immediate daily-world...how different it would be if we were to let God make a salvation-garden out of our lives. This is an amazing life...life in Jesus...God-centered. Why wouldn't we want everyone and anyone to experience this also? We need to listen...take what God is giving us...speaking into us...around us...and act, not the inverse.

So, as you go into the rest of the week...listen for those whispers from God. There it is...it may be quiet...may result in us having to be intentional about seeking him...listening...being quiet...still. I challenge you to join me in this...see what happens!

Birth Certified...

2009-03-30T00:01:00.001-05:00

Well, it is official. Sarala is a Buckman. We received her official birth certificate in the mail last Thursday and it's an utterly amazing piece of paper. She was born in August of 06, didn't come to live with us until March of 07...and here we are, Spring 2009 and she's two and a half...healthy...loved...!

And yes...she's trying to give me a kick...;)

"All Because of Jesus"

2009-03-26T23:58:00.001-05:00

Had a chance to see these guys last night at The Bridge.

Reset...

2009-03-25T00:01:00.005-05:00

In your anger do not sin;
when you are on your beds,
search your hearts and be silent.
Psalm 4:4

It's amazing what a little reading can do for you. Last night I found myself in a contemplative state since the school day didn't seem to end so well. Anger. I was angry. The key there is...was. That's the thing though...the school day didn't "seem" to end well. I sat down, opened up Psalms and began reading.

Then...there it was...peace. Found in all of two minutes of reading.

It was like God hit my "reset" button. My day was actually very smooth, my kids had gotten A LOT accomplished. I don't need to let my frustrations with whatever...build to anger. There's no reason for it. It just takes me out of the game for awhile. I had a free afternoon to get a ton of stuff done...an afternoon to come home and enjoy hanging out with my girls...but I squandered it on "thinking." Then, as we were...as some have said..."chillaxing"...it hit me.

Read.

Now, I almost didn't since my main Bible...the "reading" Bible...was in the car and our front yard turns into a swamp whenever it rains. I ended up getting into my ol' duct tape Bible, I've had this thing since high school. I didn't have any plan on where to start other than reading up on David (thanks to the new NBC series "Kings"). Here's a guy that God used regardless of all his issues. So...this lead me to the Psalms and boom...there it was/is.

Not only does this verse hold some major truth, check out how chapter four ends:

I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord,
make me dwell in safety.
Psalm 4:8

So...it's time for me to "search my heart and be silent/lie down and sleep in peace."

Amazing! God....

"My Enemies Are Men Like Me"

2009-03-24T20:26:00.001-05:00

My Enemies Are Men Like Me

(vs. 1)
i have come to give you life
and to show you how to live it
i have come to make things right
to heal their ears and show you how to forgive them

(pre-chorus)
because i would rather die
i would rather die
i would rather die
than to take your life

(chorus)
how can i kill the ones i’m supposed to love
my enemies are men like me
i will protest the sword if it’s not wielded well
my enemies are men like me

(vs. 2)
peace by way of war is like purity by way of fornication
it’s like telling someone murder is wrong
and then showing them by way of execution

(pre-chorus)

(chorus)

(bridge)
when justice is bought and sold just like weapons of war
the ones who always pay are the poorest of the poor

(chorus)

The Fam...

2009-03-23T19:51:00.004-05:00

"Jesus is holding my hand daddy..."

2009-03-19T00:01:00.002-05:00

Nursing infants gurgle choruses about you;
toddlers shout the songs
That drown out enemy talk,
and silence atheist babble.
Psalm 8:2

Sarala said something utterly amazing the other morning. We were on our way to school the and she was in the backseat telling us about holding her friend's hand...which are her stuffed animals. As she was telling us this, she then proceeded to say that "Daddy...my Jesus is holding my hand."

At that point I about lost it. Our amazing little babe...healed by God...a miracle baby...was telling us about "her" Jesus holding her hand. Amazing! We always tell her that Jesus was with her in the hospital when there was no one there...that we would talk to him every night, asking him to heal...take care of her while she was apart from us. Then came that glorious day...March 9th, 2007...a little over two years ago, when she finally came to Missouri to live with us.

I...Crystal and I feel SO blessed and are thankful to God for His allowing Sarala in our lives and doing what he did for her. For her to come back from being almost three months premature with hydrocephalus, grade 3 hemorrhaging, amongst other issues....and now she's a healthy, growing, amazing little girl who is heading towards three...RUNNING towards three and screaming along the way!

"Put that thing back where it came from or so help me...!"

2009-03-18T18:13:00.003-05:00

I love Pixar movies. Sarala wasn't around for the release of either Toy Story movies or Monster's Inc. She loves them though. It is tough since they're not new movies anymore...can't find many toys to go with them. So, we have resorted to e-bay and the disney store on-line (since they've closed many of the actual stores).

We received, well...I should say that my wife received a package, in the office at school today that came from Disney. Apparently the items inside, a plush Buzz and Woody were supposed to be "Easter" presents but I couldn't see withholding the joy of her little characters until then so I figured we'd give them to her. So...even though I'm in a little "trouble"...it's all good. The little babe is so happy and appreciative of her new friends and we're chillin'...watching Monster's Inc...Again! It's okay though...I love how Sarala now quotes the parts of Boo in the movie before they happen and man oh man...it's cute!

Song of Hope...

2009-02-22T22:10:00.002-06:00

Worship Set 2-15-09

2009-02-15T23:40:00.003-06:00

Rise - Robbie Seay Band
Majestic - Lincoln Brewster
Here is Our King - David Crowder Band
From the Inside Out - Hillsong United
Filled With Your Glory - Starfield

Kittens...

2009-02-14T09:58:00.000-06:00

Worship Set 2-8-09

2009-02-08T16:14:00.001-06:00

Our Love is Loud - David Crowder Band
Yea God - Newsong
Sing to the King - Passion
Made Me Glad - Darlene Zschech
Only A God Like You - Tommy Walker