Listen, God! Please, pay attention! Can you make sense of these ramblings, my groans and cries? King-God, I need your help. Every morning you'll hear me at it again. Every morning I lay out the pieces of my life on your altar and watch for fire to descend.
Psalm 5:1-3
Well...where does one begin? It's been over a month since I've added anything of substance to the blog. It seems like my mind has been a mess...in terms of trying to keep blogging. Much of my mental state could probably be attributed to the fact that I am currently embedded in summer vacation. This is a state of life that I've been able to maintain...well...all my life. My student life and professional have both been directed by the schedule of the school year. Right now...nearing the end of July...I'm right smack in the middle of summer.
So...apparently this results in a lapse of my ability to think about the things going on in my life and around me. It's not that my mind becomes impaired...I just seem to settle into a groove that gets used to smooth...quiet...relaxing...vacation.
Life still happens though. The flow I've been in has been rocked. I'm trying to process and work through a change in the relationship with my immediate family as well as trying to effectively address a possible health concern with Sarala. I think I'm mourning.
I say this because the words of Jesus from Matthew 5:4 have been relentless in their resonance in my mind.
“You’re blessed when you feel you’ve lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you."
After my visit to MT this past June...I probably won't be going back. Yes...there it is. Something occurred that has solidified my stance concerning the relationship I have with my mother and younger brother. This is something I imagine I will revisit further as I reenter the world of blogging. Family is something I hold dear and I've been holding on...losing grip of my familial relationship with my mom and brother...without any help from my mom or brother's side of things...and am letting go.
Sarala is also having problems with her leg and/or foot. It could be Cerebral Palsy related...then again...it may not be. We've been back into doctor visits lately...Sarala had an X-ray to rule out some things...and we may be looking at an MRI. I guess the mourning factor with her concerns her...Sarala. She's healthy, happy, beautiful...so I don't fully understand yet how I could be mourning...but then again I begin to think of the future. I've had a glimpse of what Cerebral Palsy could do to Sarala and I don't like it. I don't want that for her.
So...this is where we are...the Buckman's. Working through how I need to approach my family (we haven't spoken since I was there in late June) and now Sarala's hurt leg/hip/foot/? Now...to continue watching things that have piled up in the DVR and to continue working through these things by reading...thinking...talking to God...talking to Crystal....
Until next time....
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